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Showing results for tags 'negatives of swinging'.
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We once received a swinger's letter from an elderly man (like 85 years old) who was "encouraging" his twenty-something mail order Filipino bride to swing with him. Anyway, we sent their pics back, said no thanks, and pretty much forgot about the deal until our phone began ringing at all hours of the day and night. We answered the phone two or three times, tried being polite but got cussed out for our trouble - "You people are discriminating against me because I'm old - I'm going to contact the magazine and tell them.....blah, blah, blah." Two weeks later, New Year's 1993 just before the clock struck twelve, the dude showed up unannounced on our doorstep with a twelve pack and a totally scared Filipino wife. Long story short, cops carted him off. Anyone else ever been totally freaked out by crazies ?
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It has been a while since we posted so this is gonna be a little long. 2 weeks ago we were invited to a party where it appeared that there were going to be more single bi women (unicorns). Mrs fun was a little reserved. One day well maybe, then we can't because of this or that. No big problem, I'm not a pusher . Of course, me being a guy I'm thinking (omg ). So the day of Mrs. fun is ready, willing and already has decided what to wear, we were going We get a message that the party has been postponed till the next weekend because not enough people sent rsvps. So now 15 people send rsvps and we are really looking forward to going. My only reservations are it is mothers day weekend. Mrs.fun has no problem with this because she has made plans for our kids to stop by for an evening cookout the next evening. HERE IS WHERE THE PROBLEM BEGINS. We planned on meeting a couple for a drink to maybe become possible playmates, they were in a hurry that day and so were we so we met halfway to the party at a convenient place, made small talk and had a drink, and we went our separate ways thinking we were all compatible. Except we couldn't invite them to the party without the owner's permission. So off we go, we get to the party and one half of the hosts shows Mrs fun to our reserved room to put our overnight bag away while I go to the kitchen to put our drinks away in the frig and make us a drink. We make small talk, play a game of pool or two, and mingle a little. I felt a little buzzed, then it hits: BLACK OUT, very vague memories. Mrs. fun was in the hot tub with a single guy that we (both think the world of) and I can remember while she is having what I think is a good time I leaned over and kissed her and said "I love you" to her. She can remember to that point that she went to our room and crashed out, that's the end of her recollection till morning. I have one memory of a girl tugging on my ponytail in a good way but that's it. We wake the next morning in our room together and I'm really not feeling good at all. Mrs fun says shes gonna shower and I go down for some coffee. We make small talk with the owners and ask if we can take a couple pics before we leave and they said sure, so I snapped a couple of Mrs fun and the dance floor (no members) and off we go feeling like we're a little hung over. On the way home our talk was mainly about we can't remember a thing, EITHER of us, and the drive is very long. We get home and Mrs.fun passes out in a way that off to the hospital I go. (We live close) Doctors tell us that we have rohyfnol (aka rooffies) in our systems and I shouldn't even be able to stand as much as I had in me and want to know if they should call the police.(well NO) We have to have our son come pick us up. What a thing on Mothers Day. It has been a week now and we have talked a lot about this. My problem is I have always tried to be the guard in this lifestyle and I somehow failed. We have been through every emotion this week except anger at each other. Now here's another strange thing, we have spoke to no one about this. We tried to contact the owners of the group\club when we got home and we were BANNED from the group, no mail, no nothing. Wouldn't ya think they would have at least been concerned about our well-being? When I asked to take a pic or 2 wouldn't ya think they would have said no? And then to be banned by the time we got home? This has been a rough week, it is time to pull our heads out of the sand!
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My wife proposed the swinging lifestyle 15 years back to which I agreed. In the beginning we started with MFM threesome and eventually tried couple to couple interaction, my wife & single males without my involvement, me and single woman without my wife’s participation to accommodate singles who are not comfortable with threesomes. Everything went well until 2001. My wife told me that she wants to try gangbang. We went to one private gangbang party. My wife was raved by six single males. The manner in which she was raved made me uncomfortable. However I was surprised to observe that my wife was enjoying tremendously hence I did not stop her from what she was doing. Later on I told my displeasure about gangbang. My wife asked me the reason. I said, the guys did not pay any respect, behaving as if you are slut. She said, look I enjoyed immensely. Our objective is get maximum pleasure and fulfills our deepest hidden fantasy. As long as I achieve it then who cares what any one thinks of me? I am not going to marry anyone. What makes you think that they did not respect me? I told her, I did not like the way the group fondled your breasts as soon as we entered the room without asking your permission or even bothering to introduce about them before touching. Then they never gave you any choice. They all pounced on you like hyenas and you were simply submitting to their deeds. They made few offending remarks which you ignored. She said, look, single males who are not real broadminded are bound to react that way. In gangbang you have to compromise with few ideals. I did not agree to it and I told that let us work out the boundaries in swinging. She said, if you are not comfortable then it will jeopardize our marriage hence let us stop this swinging lifestyle and be exclusive to each other. Since we could not agree on boundaries we stopped swinging. I became frustrated within six months and suggested threesome. My wife refused. She said, if you are comfortable then I will go to the parties alone for Gangbang and you can enjoy your own ways. If we both are comfortable with this then let us start again. Because I can’t agree with swinging that suits you only. Over period of time my desires have changed and I get strong urge for gangbang and don’t feel like going for threesome or foursome. If you don’t feel threatened by this then let us start again. Otherwise our marriage is first priority to me. I agreed with her demands and then we started swinging. She then regularly visits (once a month) gangbang parties for last three years. During this gangbang she started enjoying anal sex, oral sex which she used to hate. What really surprised me is her consistent interest in swinging. I know many broadminded couples who have lost interest in wife swapping in few years time. I have lost interest in swinging as well and I am not able to understand why my wife still desires gangbang. I have no objection if she continues to visit gangbang parties but I am perplexed for her prolonged interest in gangbang. Three years is very long period. Gang bang parties are ok for 2-3 times to fulfill fantasy but three years are not understandable. I wanted to test whether she is badly addicted to GB parties and suggested that let us be exclusive to each other. She reacted very adversely and said, I can’t dance all the time on your tune. Now what is problem? I said I am concerned about you which she does not agree. I don’t want to impose my opinion on her but this time I am not able to communicate her because of her perception about me that my decisions in the past about swinging is impulsive knee jerk reaction. I am confused and would like input from experienced swingers.
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How many of you, or your spouses, have had NRE to the point that as a couple you needed to do something about it? What caused it? What was the resolution? Here’s my story. Mary and I met James at a bar for a prearranged date. He was just what she wanted that night. He had an evil grin, and when we got to the bedroom, he was as close to a Superman as I’d ever seen. They went, as I remember it, three times, and I joined the two of them from every once in awhile. We were used to MFM threesomes and I had absolutely no problems with it, I was glad Mary was having such a good time. Over the next few weeks, Mary saw him as often as possible, a real case of NRE, the worst I ever saw her in. I gave her permission to go over to his house from time to time, and they screwed a number of times. Now Mary and I are swingers in addition to her being a hotwife, and for whatever reason we weren’t hooking up much with foursomes that summer. So I was feeling a little strange in that Mary was having quite a bit of sex with James but I wasn’t having sex with other women. Mary and I talked about it, she seemed to understand my issue. One day Mary told me as I was heading for work that James was coming over to our house just to hang out - she and James both had the day off. I said it was okay, but I wanted to be with them in an MFM. Mary readily agreed that I’d get home, the three of us would go out to dinner, and then we’d come back to the house for sex. Well, when I got home, James came bounding down the steps, completely naked. “Oh,” I said, “have the two of you been having fun?” “Yeah, we’ve been going at it for a couple of hours.” I got Mary off to the side, she said she didn’t remember that they were supposed to wait for me; but I could tell from body language that she wasn’t being quite honest. They got dressed, we went out to dinner, I’m sure I was grumpy. James, understanding there was a problem, decided to leave. (Of course, I’m sure he’d had his share for the day!). Mary and I had long talks about it for the next couple of days. Finally, I said I was really uncomfortable and that I wanted her to take a break from James, at least a month. She agreed, and kept away from him. And then, unfortunately, the two of them never got back together. I’m sorry it went down that way, James was Mary’s best lover, but I felt I needed to slow it down. What’s your story? -
Hi all. Need advice or perspectives. My boyfriend and I wanted and had an open relationship from the beginning. I stopped wanting to have sex with other people for my own reasons but didn't mind that he still hooked up with others. But now that we've been together for awhile he doesn't want to have sex with me as much as he used to. I know its normal for sex frequency to decline after the "honeymoon phase" so I guess that's to be expected. He says he didn't want to have sex any more often with his ex girlfriends when he was monogamous in long term relationships. Trouble is, it's a lot less often than I want it. It started bothering me that he'd turn me down often while always on the lookout for new people. I know novelty has its own appeal and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me, but it was still bothering me so we closed the relationship. Closing the relationship didn't make him any more interested in sex with me than he was before. If anything, maybe a little less. So I don't know if I should look at this like any other couple with a mismatched sex drive which having sex with other people has nothing to do with, thereby making the restriction pointless and maybe even counterproductive? Or maybe if he does continue to have sex with others he'll be less motivated to put effort into our sex life over time? I think I might end up resentful about the attention he gives others but I'm not even sure that's rational IF it's not actually taking anything away from me. Then again maybe it'd just be unfair that I'm sexually frustrated and he's getting extra. Or maybe that's not unfair because I could be with others and choose not to. He really wants to do swinging with me but I find it too aggravating because we've never agreed on people and had it work out. Then I've ended up upset from getting the overall impression he's not interested in me unless other people are involved, but hes just got a thing for group play. I just want a decent sex life with my own partner and not let all this cause unnecessary issues but I feel bit guilty asking for monogamy because it kinda goes against the original terms of our relationship. -
Body odor or unwashed hair don't work for me. What are other the kinds of things that will stop “The Mood” dead in its tracks?
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Ok...My hubby and I are relatively new to this lifestyle although we have talked about it extensively and are sure of each others limits etc... We have played with only three couples and a few single males. Recently I was on a different message board. (one for the club we have most recently gone too) and I have noticed that like 4 of them are talking about coming to the club "with their husbands before they divorced."... This concerns me a little... Mainly because not one of these 4 ladies will tell me what happened. I don't want to do anything to destroy my relationship with my hubby but i want to be able to explore and play. I don't want to badger them but being a woman too who goes to swinger clubs with my hubby I would just like to know why their relationships didn't work out and since they aren't willing to discuss that with me ( and i do not really blame them, since they don't know me from eve...) I am really wondering what happened? Are there any of you ladies out there who have had serious relationship issues related to this lifestyle? Can this cause divorce? They have all expressed that it was somehow related to this lifestyle... so I am curious now if there is someone out there who can give me so advice. I love my hubby with all my heart and i have found that no one can really please me like he can... It is just the thrill of the unknown that we crave. Thanks for your help... feel free to email me directly if you want... gahotnsexy@aol.com Monica HELP -
Want to thank everyone on here for the wonderful information I have received and read and am working on fixing what I might have messed up. This is my first post but I would love to hear any comments or thoughts on my situation. I apologize as it is quite the long story but I want to make sure all is told. My husband and I have been together 5 years this coming June. For the past year we had been discussing swinging and thought it would spice up our lives that had become so redundant. (his initial idea, then it became my obsession) We had great sex with each other at first while talking about it in bed, and I wanted to take it to the next level. So much so that I joined just about every single swinger website and started talking to many people. I found one particular guy I was really interested in. This man was incredibly well built and very large down below. Just what I thought I wanted. Husband and he spoke for a couple of months and my hubby liked his personality. Well, after beating around the bush another month, I told him I was ready one day and had set it up. I did for that following weekend and we got all the arrangements made with the babysitter, hotels, etc. The man showed up just on time and we had some small talk before it all took off. The act itself for me was amazing. My husband appeared to be enjoying it as well. The man left and the husband and I spent the night at the hotel. I was in pure bliss. I haven't felt like that in as long as I can remember. It wasn't until the drive home I suspected anything was wrong. My husband was extremely quiet and when I would ask a question, it was very short answers. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. It was uncomfortable and I was thinking that would be all we would be talking about. Not one mention of it the whole ride home. When we arrived home, he kissed and played with our children a few minutes then disappeared into his office. I tried to go in and make small talk to just see how he was and if I could get any information out of him and he said it wasn't a good time to talk about that since he was working on a big project. He did not come to bed that night. I awoke the next morning to find him already gone to work and on a Sunday. It was unusual but I figured it was his project he wanted to get done. I left him 3 voice mails over 5 hours before he called me back telling me he would be home late. That has not happened in the 5 years we have been together. I suspected something and so I had my sister watch my children while I went to ask him if he was okay at his office. He was not at his office. I spent over two hours trying to find him before I finally saw his car at the bar. I went in and there he was drunker than I had ever seen him with a pad of paper on the table and a note to me half written telling me he was leaving. I WAS DEVASTATED. I am not sure if it was the alcohol, or the stress he must have been under but he let it all out. He said that the whole experience has left him shattered as a man and he can never look at me the same again. I just sat and listened and cried. He said the sounds I made with this other man, the enjoyment I was having, and the constant obsession I apparently had over doing this has broken his heart and he doesn't feel that he will ever measure up again since he has never seen me so pleasured. He said he thought it was great to talk about at first, but then he got disinterested while I kept on obsessing about it. He was right. I had ignored his comments about taking it slow and just exploring the ideas, and I acted on it before I even really spoke to him about it in detail. At first we were interested in going slow and trying things with couples, then it was lets just see what happens when it happens and I developed it into a single male 3 way without realizing what I had done. He said he just went along with my ideas on it thinking it would eventually get out of my head and once we did try it, it would be done with. I tried to tell him that I was sorry and that he should come home and we could talk about this once he sobered up. He wouldn't. He said he needed some time to think and he already had a hotel room. He said if I loved him like I said I did, I would give him some time. He said this was something that can't be undone in his head and he has to try and figure out how to live with it. It has been two weeks now and he still comes home everyday to see our children and eat dinner with them, but then leaves without even saying so much as bye to me. I am trying to give him his space but I am not sure if I should be doing more to try and get him back. I love him with all my heart and I don't want him to think less of me. Is my marriage broken forever? I asked him to go to therapy and he refuses to even talk to me right now about anything but finances or the children. I have even showed up at the hotel unannounced to see if there was someone else and every time I have, he is there alone with usually a bottle of liquor when before he only drank a couple of drinks per night after dinner. I am honestly worried I have not only destroyed my marriage but have destroyed him as well. Any thoughts or anyone ever heard of experiences like this that worked out? I appreciate any comments. Thank you for listening.
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Is there anything in the lifestyle that worries or scares you?
Guest posted a topic in Polls & Never-Ending Threads
Is there anything in the lifestyle that worries or scares you? -
This was posted in the another thread and it made me think. Does engaging in swinging and/or polyamory and/or another version of nonmonogamy increase a relationship's likelihood of failing? I personally think it depends on your definition of a "failed relationship." Did a relationship fail because it ended? Or does a relationship only fail when it existed for no reason? All but one of my romantic relationships have ended. Do I consider them failures? Only one, and that was because I never really cared for the person and only entered the relationship because I didn't want to be alone. Every other relationship I have learned from and grown because of. I count these as successful life experiences, even if they couldn't last until they day I die. I also think that the reason we see more and more relationships within the swinging community fail is because people enter into it for the wrong reasons. People see to think "I'm not getting enough sex from my spouse, so I'm going to convince him/her to let me fuck other people so that I don't have to cheat and/or get a divorce." This is a just a recipe for disaster. Broken relationship + more people =/= Fixed relationship. I've found that the couples who have entered into swinging as something they are mutually interested in (not one person just going along with it - both people actively interested) stay close and remain loving, intimate couples. The people who enter it with vastly different expectations, desires, and attitudes tend to fail. Just something that got me thinking... What do ya'll think?
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Have you gotten an STD through swinging?
havefuninsun posted a topic in Polls & Never-Ending Threads
I've set this up as an anonymous poll ... we've touched on this subject a lot, but what I'd really like to know is, have you contacted an STD (NOT a yeast infection, or something that can happen if you're swinging or not) from swinging activities? Some people think that the risks are low; others feel they are high. I just want to know how many folks have had to deal with an STD because of choices. I bet other folks would like to know, too -
There's a reason I don't kick trolls out immediately or remove their posts. It's because sometimes they bring up really good food for thought, even if they approach the subject in a bad way and are obviously just trying to stir the pot. A recent one had some good points in that there are many risks we take in regards to swinging and many of them are risks we don't even think about. The topic is a good one and one that I think does need to be considered, especially in light of some other topics we've had recently. The risk we seem to think about most often is STDs. Every time someone comes and asks about that risk it seems that the typical answer is "yes, we understand that risk and have decided that it's worth taking.....". But there are many other risks. As we've seen from Lost my job for swinging!! one of the biggest risks that often gets over looked is what could happen if the wrong person/people find out about your lifestyle choice. And that leads to even more risks... - loss of job - loss of family - loss of children (we've seen swinging become an issue in custody battles more than once). - loss of friends (are they really friends?). Another risk is that you may destroy your relationship over swinging, if your relationship is not ready for swinging. What are some of the other risks that you think people need to be thinking about before they decide whether or not to swing?
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Reading this thread about getting a swing partner pregnant got me to thinking about a bigger question. If you (or your wife) got pregnant and you had been swinging, would you want to know if it was yours or someone else's? Or would you just assume it was yours? Would you have paternity testing done on the child? If so, and the child turned out to be fathered by someone you had swung with, would you tell them? What, if anything, would you expect from them?
