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Showing results for tags 'playing solo'.
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Ok, so I've been on here all of like 24 hours, but y'all seem really nice and supportive. So I thought I'd bend your ear(s). My wife and I just started an open relationship. I've thought this whole thing through a lot (see my other posts), and I'm sure we are making the right decision for us. But I also know that this is a big paradigm shift in our relationship, and our lives in general. I've been around long enough to know that it takes time to accomodate change. I already went through one period of "shock/ mourning/ 12 steps/ whatever" when we first decided to go ahead. After patiently letting it sit for about ten days, until the initial weird "everything has changed" feeling went away, I took charge of the situation and joined some sites like this one. Making the whole thing "mine" really helped. My wife was in no hurry to find someone, and she is VERY picky (part of the reason we swing separately), so I had figured I would probably be the first one to "get some a**," as she so delicately put it. That was my plan for easing into the next stage of the process. I believe that the real hangup for most guys is the feeling that you own your wife's body... I figured if I made the first move, establishing that she doesn't own my body, some of that might be abated. And yes, we did consider a couples meeting to ease into it (not that I think that would necessarily help). However, plans got changed because of scheduling, and I wanted her to take a very good opportunity while she could. So, rather abruptly, she's leaving tomorrow for her first "date." Apart from some minor irritation that she finalized her schedule before confirming that I was free this weekend to babysit, that was cool with me. So, I'm not sure what to expect this weekend. I'm stuck at home: can't play at the house, so even if I had a local prospect, that would be out. I'm going to make sure I exercise and eat properly, meditate (my little secret weapon), and get as much rest as I can. During the day, it's daddy time, so I am covered, but at night, it'll be just me, myself, and I. I am pretty much expecting more of the whole "shock/ mourning/ 12 steps/ everything has changed" thing again. I am a bit of a stewer, and I DON'T want to get myself worked up being obsessive about what is "going on." Maybe I'm just being silly... I'm a big boy, and I have thought this through ALOT. I am sure I should just trust myself. On the other hand, I caught myself being a little testy after the whole making-plans-without-checking-the-actual-dates-with-me thing. I was probably also feeling a teensy bit jealous because she gets to go off and have fun and I don't. Or that she stayed up late chatting with the guy last night rather than going to bed with me when I expressed an interest in having sex. And apparently she hadn't really caught the fact that I was going to be gone all day and part of the night tonight, so I wouldn't really see her at all after that. I didn't make a big deal out of it, because I had already decided that I was going to let it all go for now. She was a little inconsiderate, but she's acting like a teenager, and teenagers do that. She's been a little defensive about it so far, so I suspect she's got some emotional stuff going on too. I'll bring up maturity and consideration with her later, but I don't want to rain on her parade right now, and I don't want it to turn into a huge guilt-trip. Ok, folks, please don't read too much into that. I'm trying to be honest here... These are little things: if I thought jealousy would be a real problem, I'd have called all this off. What worries me is that I just don't want this to turn into a bad experience for me. I don't want to carry those tiny little issues through the weekend, and blow them all out of proportion by obsessing over them. And I really want her to enjoy every part of her weekend. If she comes home and finds me unhappy, or senses hesitation or weirdness, then next time she plays she will spend more time worrying about how I am than having a good time. Or worse, feel guilty about the whole thing. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Apart from masturbation, of course.
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I am very new to the swinging thing. My new wife on the other hand was a swinger for several years with her previous husband. For the first time she confided in me that she as a desire to have sex with another man by herself. She says it is a curiosity. I don't know how to handle this. I love my wife and want our marriage to work. Please help me to understand this better. We talked about it last night and this morning I feel worse than I did before we talked. I am ok with bringing in other couples to share and enjoy sexually but it seems selfish and wrong and not good for a loving relationship to just go and have sex with someone without your partner. I genuinely want to understand and be ok with this. HOW???? HELP!!!! -
Would appreciate for, stories, and experiences of a date night swap during which the two swapped couples go out separately for the evening and then trade back at the end of the evening or the following morning. I suppose it could be considered simultaneous hotwifing or separate room swinging of sorts. Have any tried it? What did each couple do and how did it go? Thanks in advance!
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Hi all, So my wife and I started playing about 4 months ago. It’s been a lot of fun, with of course the usual ups and downs. So far we have been involved in almost exclusively MFM situations. It seems to be a lot harder finding 4 people that click versus 3. Our very first experience was with another couple where we both liked him but she really did not hit it off with the other woman. So, we’ve hit more of a sweet spot, at least for now going the MFM route. We’ve also had a couple of guys that we both really liked that have failed to come back after the first or second “date”. We are really looking for a long-term FWB that we can rely on. With all this being said, we’ve recently found a guy that we both really like. BTW, I’m straight. He fits our needs from a conversational perspective, and we also like his body and sexual prowess. Here is where I’m having a bit of a dilemma. The wife is really into him and has recently told me, something I already knew, that one of her fantasies is doing him without me knowing before hand. She has agreed, and she’s never lied to me, that she would not do it without my permission. However, part of the kink is not telling me before and me only finding out afterwards. She’s also agreed to tape the entire thing for me as I really get off on watching. So a little bit of my dilemma is that I find it really freaking hot, as I like all kinds of kink, and I know he would send her back very satisfied. However, I can’t help but be a little jealous that she desires doing it without me. It’s not a big deal for her if I say no, but I also care enough that knowing that is her fantasy urges me to want to comply. Does anyone with so much more experience than me have any advice or POV?
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My wife and I have been swingers for a while now. We've talked at various different times about the idea of her playing solo. I'm not interested in playing solo (and my opportunities would probably be limited anyway) so the discussions have focused on her desire to play solo. I've never pressured her on the idea, just held her hand as we walked the thought path together. For me, I'm happy for her to play solo given a few constraints; mainly that it is something she wants very much, and there's no emotional non-monogamy going on. We recently were swinging with a single male "Dave" (us together, not solo). After a very enjoyable session with him, my wife has been very horny (almost insatiable!). She is extremely eager to have sex with him again. I'm not a jealous type, and this doesn't bother me in the slightest. She's been very emphatic in telling me she wants me more, and I've no questions about that. Our communication has been completely open and honest, as it always has been. I have zero doubts about our relationship or swinging within the context of our relationship. Before Dave, my wife had been somewhat opposed to playing solo, saying she wants me there in part for safety, in part for mutual enjoyment, and in part because she has said she'd feel like she was cheating if I wasn't there. With Dave, there's not really a question of safety. We trust him. For mutual enjoyment, it's erotic to me for me wife to go play solo (though I admit I'd prefer to be there, but I don't object because I'm not there; I know she'd come home ridiculously horny and insatiable again). We've also spent a lot of time over many months talking about her feelings that she would feel like she's cheating. She's previously understood that logically it's not cheating, but her emotions have been telling her otherwise. She's been slowly softening on that and doesn't feel very strongly that way anymore. As she has said, "I wouldn't be doing anything I haven't already done, and I'd have your permission". An opportunity will probably shortly arise where my wife can go play solo with Dave. I would not be there, so this isn't a separate room play sort of thing. It's just him and her. I usually do all the arrangements for swinging, and at my asking (not pressuring) she's given me carte blanche to set up a solo play date for her with Dave if she does not have anything else planned. She's very turned on by the idea and is really looking forward to it. So a few questions, especially directed at those whose spouses have played solo (but all comments welcome!): (1) I've got some first time jitters. It's not jealousy. I understand the difference. But, I've got the jitters. I don't read the jitters as a red flag. More, it's a bit of nervousness with the unknown approaching. Any thoughts on this? Did you experience this? What were your feelings and how did this all factor in? (2) We've talked about her calling me while she's having sex with him. We've joked that this is quite a different form of phone sex! She's ok with that, but I don't want to distract her from the task at hand. But, is this really a no-no with respect to Dave? For the men who've done this, how would you feel if the woman you were having sex with wanted to get on the phone with her husband (whom you had met, and of course you know has given permission)? (3) Is there anything that perhaps we haven't discussed or thought of that we need to consider in a solo play date? We're very clear on rules (not many). I trust her implicitly to terminate things if they head the wrong direction emotionally. She trusts me to communicate my thoughts and feelings to her (and I have) and vice versa (and she has). Any and all thoughts on this are quite welcome!
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In your mind, is there a difference? If so, what is the distinction? If not, why not?
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I'll keep this as short as possible (try anyways). First of all this board is AWESOME!!! Here's our situation: I am mid 30's, she is mid 20's. I am the only guy she has ever did ANYTHING with. We been together 4 years and she is now really craving her "freedom" to do what she wants, this has sent us into a separation, though we still talk and have sex, we're no longer living together etc etc. But not at all on "bad terms." I have suggested maybe we try Swinging, this would give her that open marriage that she desires,and it would also be fun to experience new things in the bedroom (or HOTEL room, hahaha!) I have never been the jealous type, however, I am afraid if we do this the other guy may be "better" and "bigger" and it may eventually end our marriage/relationship altogether because I will not be able to compare to the other guys. I guess I have some ego issues in that department but it's one of my fantasies to watch her with another man. I feel very confused and no matter how I weight this all out I never seem to really find a solution. She is TOTALLY down for trying this because she is craving some new "you know what." She is also VERY Bi-Curious and I have zero problems with that, none at all. I told her to do as many girls as she wants, but just the thought of another guy scares me...and also turns me on at the same time. Does this make ANY sense?????????/ I'm I alone here? Is this a normal feeling? Thanks for any advice, I could sure use it right now. PS- There are no children involved so that's no issue at all.
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For those that are swingers with an open marriage. Do you just swing in seperate rooms, or do you and your partner play seperately all together on occassion? The hubby and I swing and have individual play time. He'll arrange playtime with a galpal or 2, by himself, and I will occassionally do the same with a guypal. It's a huge turn on for me when I know my hubby is off playing.How bout everyone else?
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My husband met this girl through work and became friends with her. One thing led to another (with my knowledge and permission, of course) and they have been playing on the side for a few months now. Here's the kicker. She's terrified of me. I trust that my husband hasn't been telling her bad things about me behind my back, but she's just terrified of meeting her lovers wife. For example, I went to meet my husband for lunch at his work one day. My husband mentioned to this girl that I was coming and she freaked out and hid the entire time I was at his work, just so we won't run into each other or even pass each other in a hallway. Ridiculous! Even worse, my husband got invited to her birthday party. But when he mentioned that he would be bringing me with him (since he doesn't know any of her friends), she uninvited him! After much back and forth, she decided to compromise with him. She would tell him where they were going, so we could "happen" to be there and run into them, but we still weren't technically invited. So for dinner, she wants us to be in the same restaurant, but she's not going to invite us to sit at her table! This seems absolutely, insanely stupid to me. It's obvious she doesn't understand how this lifestyle works. She's treating the entire situation as if they are going around behind my back, even though my husband tells me what goes on with them. And the fact that she's so terrified of meeting me, even though she knows nothing about me, makes me wonder what she's feeling so guilty about. I don't want to be standing in the bedroom when they're going at it, I just don't want to feel like I'm completely outside the situation! I realize that an easy solution to this problem would be to just have my husband stop having sex with her. But it would be such a shame because they are good friends and they have good chemistry. Another option would be an ultimatim, either meet the wife or no more sex with the husband. But I can't see how any meeting so forced like that could have any kind of positive results! So, does anyone have other advice for this situation? Also, what kind of experience have you had with singles that are outside the lifestyle? Is it possible for them to understand? Have you had good experiences? Bad ones that you can share what went wrong? Thanks in advanced everyone!
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So the better half and I have been talking about swinging for about a year now. We have spent many hours talking about what we want and why, we have laid out some ground rules for when we “actually get there” and are both comfortable with what we are trying to do. We met up with one couple a few months ago, we had spent the day together getting everything ready for our big night, Terri likes to have a drink now and then so we picked up a bottle of wine so she could have a couple of drinks before we left for the restaurant. What we did not have was lunch so needless to say by the time we got to the restaraunt she was “very happy”. We meet up with our couple and had some good conversation and everything seemed to be going well. Teri excused herself to go to the ladies room and after about ten minutes with the three of us sitting at the table we started to wonder what had happened. The other couple’s better half went to the washroom to find her and came back saying I needed to go talk to Terri. She was in the washroom crying and when I went in she said “take me home now”. On the drive home she explained that she was worried about what might happen and she did not know if she could “handle” seeing me with another woman, and that alcohol had hit her pretty hard making her feelings much stronger and harder to deal with. After this we took a step back and talked a lot about what we were doing and why. She says that had she not been so affected by the booze things would have been different, she wanted to do this and no she did not fear seeing me with another woman. We talked a lot and decided that maybe our best way to jump in was with a mmf threesome. No worries about me with another woman, and we would be able to re-evaluate after we went through with it. So we made some contact with a couple of guys on AFF and have been chatting with them for a couple of weeks trying to find our best match. We had short listed it down to two and last night Terri was chatting with one of them. I was around, watching TV etc. while they talked. When they were done I asked how it went and she said it was fine and they would be chatting more this week. The next morning I was browsing through the chat logs (Terri knows I do this, we both do it, as a matter of fact) when I came across her inviting him to meet her after work today. He said if he could make it out he would. Now I am not suggesting that they would meet up for more than a drink and conversation (rule #1: we only play together) but I am wondering if other people think this is OK? I have read many threads on here and some suggest when setting up a threesome it may be advantageous for her to meet him separately to make sure there is chemistry. I have no problem with this; I would just like to be aware it is happening. So my basic question is: What do you think of this? I plan on talking with her to let her know I don’t like her setting up a meeting without my knowledge, but do I have bigger worries here? What would you do in my situation?
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This question for for the women and men who play solo and then run home to tell their wife/husband about it. How much do you tell about the encounter? Do you give every single detail about everything that happens in an exciting steamy story? The reason I ask is that I seem to have trouble going into too much detail. It's not that I'm trying to keeping things secret. It's just that I don't really know what to say. I find myself saying things like, "Well I did my usual stuff." I tell about any of the things that seemed to stand out or be unique in some way but I'm no good at telling an exciting story. Just wondering if anyone else out there has this difficulty. ~Piggy
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I was just reminded that there is a difference between swinging separately, i.e., with you and your SO in different rooms, and swinging alone, i.e., without your SO involved at all (maybe not even in the same country, as will happen with me next week). I wonder what other people's experiences have been regarding this difference. We have done both and liked both.
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recently my wife and i decided to have an open marriage. not sleep around. just find a "friend with benefits". as u all may know, it is much easier for a woman to find this arrangement than a man. she has her " buddy", i on the other hand am still looking. when i find a potential playmate and tell them my situation, they assume that i am lying and just trying to hook up with a fabricated story. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Posted the question by mistake to the singles board. It is actually directed to the broader population... Clearly, married males swinging alone are suspect and, if cheating, are pariahs in the view of many on this board. But, what about married females swinging alone? Does the desire to find a willing unicorn outweigh other considerations? Also, we all know that there are a lot of married males masquerading as singles swinging. Are you or do you know of a married woman that swings alone? Do you or do they have their husband’s permission to play?
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I have a question for everyone and I am not sure how to word this so it makes sense. We have been in the LS for a while and have had some successes as well as failures. Neither of us has any interest in playing alone without the other one there. We do however want to play as a couple and we have always prefered couples but it is very hard for us to find a couple that we both like and agree on. My wife is straight and hot and can have any guy she wants but is very picky and not interested at all in the vast majority of men out there. I am an average guy who is fit and nice but not a superstud or anything like that. When my wife finds a guy she likes he always has a super hot wife that has no interest in an average guy like me. We are open to the idea of singles but as we all know single gals are rare and have long waiting lists and decent single guy that she would have and that wouldn't cause problems are about as rare as single women. We are starting to think about the possibilities of playing separately but neither of us wants to go out and date anyone without the other there. Have any of you had any luck with playing with a couple but only one of you plays at a time? In other words I would have a MFM with a couple while my wife just watches or just plays with me (she would be ok with that) and then she could play with whoever she would have and I would just watch or just play with her (I'm somewhat ok with that...depends though:lol:) If so how would you go about tactfully asking if only one of us could play with them while the other watches? I know noone would have any issues with having an FMF with her while I am in the corner and while that would not be my first choice I'd be willing to try it. Has anyone else ever been in this situation?
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My husband and I recently spent some time with another couple. She and I played then went back to our partners. We didn't swap, although it was a time issue and not that we didn't want to. We talked about getting together again, etc... My question is this: Two days later the other wife started calling my husband asking if he made house calls (meaning alone). He declined, as I would have expected, but I'm really disappointed that she would even ask. Am I being silly or jealous or possessive in thinking this was overstepping the "swinging" thing? Asking a married man to cheat just because she thinks maybe its' okay?? I don't know what she was thinking really, but I don't want to play with them now anymore. I feel disrespected by her. Any thoughts? Thanks. We're new to this.
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I have recently made the acquaintance of a couple where the male wants his wife to be courted, dated, and seduced by another male, but here's the twist...He doesn't want to watch or participate...He wants to hear about her experiences. If he wanted to watch, we would call him a voyeur. What do we call someone who likes to hear about sexual escapades? Seriously now -
Hi, My husband and I have been in the lifestyle now for a short period of time. First we started off having threesomes with another guy. I guess to sort of make me feel more comfortable with all of this. They went well and we had lots of fun with it. Next we tried the threesomes with other girls, and just the same they went very well. We then moved on to couples, met some really great people and had a fun time. Now my husband wants to do more of the me on my own thing and him on his own... I am a little un-easy about this. I thought swingers had fun because it was something we did as a couple. He tells me that almost all swingers have no problem with their wife going off on her own to play or the guy going off on his own to play. He tells me it's just part of the fair and open trading. I am still now too comfortable with this. Maybe is the other woman knew me and I knew her and it was something we were all cool with I would be ok. But it's hard to find women like that. He thinks he needs to act like a single man and sweet talk them and have a one night fling this way. To me this is wrong because he is leading them on and who knows they might get upset or jealous and then cause problems for us, even though it's something I know about. Has anyone else ever had to dela with this type of scenerio? Is going off on one's own just another part of the "game"? Are most wives comfortable with this? I really hope I get some good input. Thanks!!! Mary -
My wife and I have been with two other couples. Recently, we had the opportunity to arrange a threesome with another man. It was quite an exciting and different experience. She enjoyed the extra attention and I enjoyed watching and not being "distracted" by another woman in the room. We have had two encounters with this other single male and both were fabulous. While fantasizing afterwards, we discussed the possibility of my wife playing with this male alone at a motel or our house while I am elsewhere. It would kind of be like she is on a date. I would then show up after a few hours to join in. This fantasy has both me and my wife very excited and we are seriously considering it. Have any other couples made this next step? Was it what you expected? Did it cause any problems?
