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Showing results for tags 'red flags'.
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We’re lifetime members on SLS, find its a good place to find parties, clubs, social events. Meeting people? Hit or miss. A red flag for us is single guys immediately asking to see our private photo albums which says pushy photo collector (plus they ignore our lack of interest in singles guys). With that occurring all the time, it creates another red flag for us which is ‘couples’ either saying they want to see our albums or without any real conversation, opening one of their albums and then demanding we open ours tit for tat (and thats without knowing the content of ours). Anybody else see this as an issue?
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People sharing what questions they ask about potential playmates and sexual history has led to some very interesting thoughts and discussions. The one I found most interesting was the idea of "wild" people are not safe. Which of course led to the discussion of what constitutes being "wild". How many partners does it take for you to decide ok this person just has had too many partners for me to feel safe with them. Are there other issues that constitute wild? At what point do you feel that you just can't trust your sexual health in the "hands" of this person or people? -
We often talk about red flags couples look for when searching for singles, but for those who have or are swinging single, what are some things you are watching for in couples that if you see them would scare you off? -
Hi We're relatively new to the swinger lifestyle but have had a few great experiences with other couples. We are moving into playing separately with others but have established rules for this - including safe sex, prior notice of dates, no play in our home/bed, and no overnights. Recently, an opportunity came up for my boyfriend to play separately with someone who is visiting from out of town. She is staying with a friend so therefore no hotel. My boyfriend wanted to use the guest bedroom or get a hotel and spend the night with her. I'm very uncomfortable with both of those ideas. Although he knows how I feel and has agreed to not do either of those options, he's angry with me because he feels that our rules are too restrictive and that he's missing out on an opportunity that he'd really like to take advantage of. Any advice? Thanks.
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What are the words/statements in profiles that throw up a red flag to you, and why? The things where once you see them you just close the profile out and move on to someone else. My #1 is "we only play in our own race" - more often than not if they feel the need to state it this way (or often at all) there is a racist component to their personalities (this may be a bigger issue in the deep south). Drama-free = The likelihood of bringing drama is a good bit higher if you feel the need to describe yourself this way. I won't automatically close out at this statement, but if the profile is rather short and this is included, I'm going to take a pass with a feeling that you lack the maturity we would want to move forward. Anything that let's us know that they are really just looking for a female to be their third (but they'd settle for a couple) - It's a sure sign that they have no desire to include my husband.
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A couple very close to us has contacted us via SLS. They probably live within 4 miles of us. The man describes himself as a Cuckold and he wants me or me+Leia to come fuck his wife while he watches. Is this safe? A few things come to mind 1. What if I can't perform with some perv staring at me while I'm working. 2. What if he's a weirdo and tries to axe-murder us. #2 only exists because he's being very pushy. Here's a sample chat Him: when can you come over, wife needs to fuck tonight Me: we would want to meet for coffee first and see if we even click, then maybe setup a playdate. Why don't you send some face pics so we can see you? Him: /sent pics Me: /sent pics Me: wow your wife is quite beautiful, I'll make sure to show to my wife when she gets home tonight, and if she's interested we'll email you for a good time to have a meet over coffee Him: Where is your wife tonight? Me: Why do you want to know where my wife is? Him: When will she get home? Me: (internally I'm kind of not liking his pushiness now and why he's prying so much into our personal lives) Me: She'll get home when she gets home, why do you want to know? Him: I just want to know if she agrees and likes my wife so she'll let you out Me: Look, we won't be able to swing anytime soon, we need to meet in person first and see if we even like each other Him: So what time will your wife be getting home? So I'm honored and excited he wants me or me+leia to fuck his wife, but god damn why is he so impatient and pushy? So that's why I have fear #2, he seems a little insane. Thoughts? Should Leia and I feed this guy? sounds like an easy lay, and his wife is gorgeous, (in pics at least). Should I fear for our lives? We're complete strangers to each other, and he's acting a bit odd. Thanks.
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So the other day we reached out to a couple whose profile was attractive, but the only image they had was a rather generic one - that frankly could have been taken of any woman at the mall with a cell phone. We expressed our interest in chatting and meeting for a drink, but asked that we see some G pics of them to get an idea of what they look like. "They" responded back with some flattering remarks (saying all the right things) and said that they were open any day this week. We responded back that do to work, kids and family the first day we had was Friday and that we would be happy to meet at the location they suggested BUT we'd still need to see some pics so we could recognize them when we get there as we didn't believe they would walk in naked or with a big sign around their necks "we're the swingers couple" They responded back that WE should send them our cell phone number and that they will be driving a x colored y make car and we should find them in the parking lot. At first we thought that this was really HILARIOUS that people would actually expect us to walk up to every car (very popular model and color) in the parking lot - likely to be more than one at just about everywhere you go. Then we thought well maybe people actually do this - while we've been here for some time our experiences are rather limited as generally we just don't have the time this takes (really surprising thing to us). But the more we think about this the more creeped out we are!? Mostly because of the combination of the ad - where they're kind of targeting newbies, saying all the right things but ending up with asking a newbie couple to show up to a parking lot without giving out ANY info about themselves. We thought we'd share just so others can think about taking a moment to think about what they are stepping into because sometimes when we're excited and nervous we don't make the best decisions. Or are we just being paranoid?
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I've been reading the archives tagging threads there and I came across a thread about someone swinging with a friend they owed money to. It got me thinking of the list of people you should probably NEVER swing with... Someone you owe money to Your boss Your subordinate I know some would say friends and family - I think it depends on the situation and who is involved. Who would be on your list of people you should never swing with?
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Hello all. It's been a while since I posted last, but I've been around, just reading the forums and gathering some great information that has been tremendously helpful. Now, I find myself looking for some input and I know you guys are a wealth of info. I apologize for the long post. My wife and I have a good sex life. It's pretty vanilla, but getting more and more adventurous all the time. We've been together for 10 years, but it's only in the last two years that I really began to express the full depth of my needs and desires to her. We then began to discover that, sexually speaking, we're a bit mis-matched. I have a very high sex drive and a deep interest in pushing my boundaries. She likes sex, but doesn't desire it nearly as often as I do and is much more reserved. Fortunately, however, she's very open-minded and we've been able to have a lot of conversations about this. I started being much more up-front with her about how often I wanted to have sex and about things I would like to try. I told her about my porn collection and daily masturbation habits. And I told her of my interest in the lifestyle. None of this stuff shocked her and she's been embracing some of it. We now frequently watch porn together and have started bringing more toys into our sex. She even agreed to go to a nude lifestyle resort with me so long as I promised that there would be no pressure for her to do anything other than lay out by the pool. By all rights, she's been very accommodating and our sex life has improved significantly. This past Saturday morning, we were drinking coffee and having a great conversation about the sex we had had the night before. We had tried something new, but there also had been a couple of things that I wanted to try that she was not interested in. Regarding this, she said she thinks it would be good if I could go out and do those things with other girls. She explained that she knows I love her and that sex and love are different things and that I am always honest with her. She said she knows I have a much higher sex drive than she does and that if I could go out and get some of my needs met by others, that it would take a lot of pressure off of her to be something that she's not. "There are just some things that I'm not really into," she said. "So if you can go do them with other people, then you can get what you want and I don't have to do something I don't want to do." There was no doubt in my mind that she was being completely honest and that there was no hesitation in her voice. She wasn't just saying it. When I told her that I wouldn't want to go have "affairs" and that I'd prefer to meet people in the lifestyle. She liked that even better and suggested that she might some day be interested too. Given that she's so supportive of the idea, I feel like I'd be foolish not to explore my options in the LS. So let me ask you all the following questions: 1) Is it a red flag for couples in the LS to see a married guy playing alone if their wife is aware of the situation and is willing to verify that fact? 2) What is the best way to represent myself in an SLS profile? Obviously, my profile is single, but should I state the fact that I'm actually married in my profile or wait to tell people that until after contact is made? 3) As a married man playing alone, with no experience in the LS, am I just too bad bet for most people? Do I even stand a chance given the insane number of single men out there? Can the fact that I'm married actually be considered a good thing for some people? Any advice would be much appreciated! If you happen to look my my SLS profile, I already know that I need a photo, but any other input is very welcome. Thanks so much!!
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We are new to swinging, are there any traits, good or bad, that we should be on the look out for in other couples? -
We have always considered ourselves fortunate in that we hadn't had any "bad" experiences per se, some have just been better than others and quite a few didn't work out but no drama or ill-will at all. We we finally have a real head-scratcher and eye-roller story to share of our own. If nothing else it is a good lesson in what happens when you ignore the red flags. Our story begins when a couple with a very well-written profile, many similar preferences and some very nice pictures wrote to us. We wrote back and forth and they were brand new uncertified newbies who had only been on a site a few days (pink flag). They were up front about being virgins but seemed very interested in getting out and having some fun. their messages were well written and perfectly appropriate. One Friday night they happened to be on and we started IM chatting. It was with the male half and he mentioned that they had set up a little mini-gang bang for her the following night with two single males. We asked him how she decided to pick out the males out of all the SMs out there and he said that he was the one that picked them out and that she had put him in charge of making the arrainments (red flag#1) We wished him luck and warned him that SMs are notorious no-shows. The next afternoon they wrote to us and said we were right that the SMs had bailed and wondered if we wanted to get together. I was pretty skeptical but my wife was really interested in this couple and she is not normally very bi but she thought this gal was really hot (and I agreed with her:) We made arraingements to meet at a restaurant and they arrived at the appointed time. They were very attractive and well-spoken and my normally not-all-that-bi wife was bigtime attracted to the fem half. We started making chit chat and getting to know each other and the red flags started flapping wildly in the breeze. It turned out they were not married or living together but were legitimately dating. Anytime we used the words "lifestyle" or "playing" or "soft swing" etc the fem half would need a full interpretation. She was completely clueless about the lifestyle or anything lifestyle related (red flag#2) We quickly found out that she was aware they were on "some website" but she was unaware that it was a swinger website and unaware that he had posted pictures of her on it and she had never seen or been involved in the making of their profile (red flag #3) She had never seen our profile and he hadn't told her anything about us or of our previous conversations. (red flag#4) When we started grilling her about her lack of involvement and trying to determine if she was even consenting she stated that she left all that up to him and that she trusted him to pick out playmates by himself (red flag#5) Now normally we would have paid our tab and left at this point but she did seem genuinly interested in pursuing some sort of encounter and my wife was very attracted to her for some reason. The male half began propositioning us and really wanting for us to get a motel room and play (he was doing it respectfully and appropriately) I ended up asking the fem half point blank if she was attracted to me/us and asked her directly if she wanted to play also and she said yes. However while this was going on they were chugging down a couple different $200 bottles of wine and ordering a bunch of other potent cocktails and chugging them down one after another (red flag#6) Well againt my better judgement and advice my wife still wanted to get a room with these two and since it is usually she that is putting on the brakes I figured I'd go along with it (maybe not a red flag but just a dumb move on my part #1) We got to the room and she was stumblingly drunk but going along with his coaxing (red flag #7 and dumb move #2 for me staying) They started playing with each other and my wife and I started playing with each other. the other fem got on the bed face down with her ass in the air and her face buried in the bed and he pulled her pants down to her knees and started licking her ass and that is what they did for the next 15-20 minutes. I eventually started poking her in the shoulder to see if she was still conscious and still breathing. She did come around a little bit and he mounted her from behind and started telling her to suck my cock. At about the 5th time he told her to suck my cock she kept her face buried in the sheets but started feeling around to try and find me on the bed. That was the final straw. We got up and started getting dressed and while she still layed there face down not moving he was sincerly suprised and couldn't understand why we were leaving. We gathered up our stuff and started heading out and then he kind of realized we weren't happy and started appologizing and saying next time they wouldn't get so drunk. Needless to say, there was no next time and we learned our lesson about heeding red flags. At least now we have our own Night-Gone-Bad story now:lol:.
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As with anything, practice makes perfect. We have to make our own mistakes before we really learn and this encounter really amplifies the importance of patience and some other important things before meeting someone. I met a couple on the internet and began chatting with them. They had contacted me and they were a bit younger than I was at the time. I usually only meet couples that are older than me, but I was 27ish and they were only a couple years younger...maybe 25 and 24. While this wasn't strike one, it was something that I had compromised on with myself. Older couples with houses, debt, dogs and kids are typically more stable and more attractive to me. We had chatted on the internet and phone and exchanged some pics. The pics they sent me were a little dated and that childbirth had move things around a little bit. Her self confidence hadn't returned and she was very camera shy so she didn't want to send a recent photo. STRIKE ONE. Fast Ball right down the center! I joke that I am a coffee whore and that I will meet anyone in the lifestyle for coffee and chat. I do enjoy meeting new people and I don't choose friends or coffee buddies on looks. A public place is essential to meet someone for first time. Starbucks is a relaxed, no pressure, no expectations venue. It was difficult arranging a public meeting with this new couple. They were having problems finding a sitter, and we both were working odd schedules. We finally had worked together to arrange a meet for one evening. Later in the day we talked on the phone and the sitter had garden variety excuse and couldn't make it. They wanted to know if I minded coming over directly to their home and we can share some drinks or a bottle of wine. STRIKE TWO When I arrived, the person in the photo was definitely not the person greeting me at the door. I am not hung up on looks at all, and feel personality is much more important...but there has to be some physical attraction. Trying to make the most of what we had tried to put together, I wanted to share conversation and maybe a drink, and learn about experiences they had and so forth. I had already made up my mind that something physical would not happen. We go to the living room and the husband puts on some porn. It is his wife that he has videotaped with someone else. STRIKE...FOUL BALL. Somehow we get that off the TV and a music channel as we begin conversation about the lifestyle, likes, dislikes, and experiences... The husband is overpowering the conversation and when I ask her, who she likes to meet or what she enjoys...he answers for her. I was witnessing the classic door mat relationship STRIKE FOUL...PLEASE UMP THROW ME OUT OF THE GAME!!! I am searching for a convenient way to wrap things up politely and find the exit when he tells her that I look like I need a Blowjob and cajoles her into moving over to me as I am protesting and looking for the door. STRIKE FOUL...UMP YOU'RE A #$%^&*() THROW ME OUT OF THE GAME As I am resisting her advances and his pressure for her to make the advance, their child begins crying... STRIKE THREE.....I'M OUT! The crying child was my way out and I politely left. When I got home, I politely emailed and let them know that I didn't think we were a good match and that we lacked chemistry...... Do we need to review the important lessons here?
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So, my wife and I had our first meet and greet with couple set for this evening at a restaurant. We will most likely be politely declining 'their' company in the future. But before that decision is 'final', I'd like to relay our story and question... The first thing that struck me as odd, was that the guy showed up and when we asked about his wife/gf, he said she flew out to Beijing today or yesterday. Would have been nice for him to have inform us of that BEFORE we had set the 'date' or even when I had called earlier in the day to let him know the reservations were set and would we be seeing them tonight. ('Yes' was the answer.) Second this was originally, at most, a heavy petting date. Conversation was our main focus. It almost went beyond that... here's the way it went down. We kind of clicked with him at first and my wife and I were feeling very comfortable with David during dinner. He was VERY focused on sex and the lifestyle, clubs, parties, etc. Not really surprising considering the reason for the meeting in the first place. As the evening wore on he was flirting and generally playing and caressing my wife, which didn't bother me in the least. I was enjoying her getting excited by another man. Later he suggested we go to our place to get to the heavy petting part if we were all willing. We made it clear that there was to be no intercourse by him. Might not even be any by me as I wasn't quite ready to 'perform' in front of others. As we all began having fun, he seemed to want things a certain way and seemed less and less about pleasing my wife and doing just what she wanted. When it was about at it's hottest, he looked like he was getting ready to bareback my wife while I was working the top areas. I noticed and said 'we don't play there tonight' and he stopped saying he wouldn't and went back to licking and petting. (We purposely didn't bring condoms as my wife and I had agreed to this 'limit' earlier.) More and more it became about what he wanted and soon we had to slow it down and wind down for the evening. As I was cleaning up and taking care of nature, my wife tells me that she had asked about "Pat" his wife/gf and would we be meeting her next time. She had asked him this as she felt it was a bit unfair to me for it to be just him and me with her. He danced around it and mentioned coming back over himself, but not anything about "Pat". I have a two seater and we had left it at the restaurant. When he was driving me back to my car, I (not knowing my wife asked) mentioned it would have been more comfortable for me and my wife if I had a playmate too as I didn't want the two of us guys on my wife all the time. He kind of avoided a direct answer about bringing "Pat" or another of his 'swinging partners', but did talk about bringing condoms 'next time' and me going first, then him on my wife. Generally, as I thought more about it, I got the feeling he was a single male just looking to 'work' on some newbies. Maybe I'm wrong. So I pose the question to all of you... have we been "had"?
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Hello everyone, We don't know if you read our intro...but here's our issue We met this couple via the internet about 3 weeks ago. They contacted us.Initially, the male of the couple sent us an e-mail expressing their interest in us. Okay, that was fine and he was very nice. However, we never get to chat or send e-mail back and forth to the wife. Apparently, the mother-in-law is staying at their home until late August sometime. We called them and spoke to them a few weekends ago on the phone for all of 10 minutes (the only time we've conversed with them both, BTW). In the beginning, he was getting into the habit of sending me (female member) IM's during the weekdays while he's at "work" (He always talked about the four of us, a few innuendos here and there. There was one comment he made that bothered me a bit, however. I was trying to express how important it is to my husband and I both that any couple we get together with has to respect boundaries and be totally in love with each other. I said I've read too many horror stories about people crossing the line and actually falling for people they've swung with. He then says, I'd never leave my wife...I love her a lot, etc. and then he says...well, ya never know; then he says he's just kidding?...red flag anyone?? Anyway, we can never really send IM'S or chat on the weekends via the computer so all 4 of us can chat (which is when my hunny's home). Supposedly due to the M-I-L being there. Well, my hunny and I discussed all of this and he expressed concern about the IM's on the weekdays, so, of course, I stopped conversing in this manner. After that, the concept changed a little. The male member got a bit distant, not rude, just distant. And, here's where we're wondering if we should even pursue this (We should mention we do have a date set up at the end of this month to meet them). They were supposed to call us this past Saturday night...my hunny and I were kicking back having some drinks and having our own fun...the time came and wait for them to call. They never did! So, we go online Sunday and notice they had been online. That a.m. Monday, we get an e-mail from him apologizing for not calling, that he "forgot" to write down the number. Okay, shit happens, right? So, we tell him that is fine,and we noticed they were online Sunday, which he said was weird, because they never logged on . But, we're a bit concerned because we've had minimal contact with the wife. We asked him to ask her if there's anything she'd like to discuss with us and also told him she is more than welcome when she has the chance to send us an e-mail so we can get to know her, too. He writes back the next day saying that he spoke with her and she says she's more comfortable talking when we meet. He also says that they'd like to call this Saturday, but they have no set agenda, meaning they like to just call and say hello. Well, we said that was fine. However, if we're not really going to do any talking...basically, what's the point? So, now, we've written back and said we'd be in contact the week before we're supposed to meet to discuss where and when, etc. Okay, anyone can give us their $.02 on this one. My hunny's a bit irritated and I'm just plain confused What does this sound like to you all??? We both think that there should be a bit more getting-to- know-you going on here. As I said, when the male member and I were exchanging IM's, it was all good, but when I stopped...the concept changed. We would've been fine exchanging IM's if all 4 of us were involved. We think if we met these people at a club and just decided to "fuck" then fine...why worry about talking? But, in this instance, it's a bit different...We should mention that "they" expressed and emphasized that friendship to them is more important...But, we're at the point where friendship ain't all that important Hee,Hee!!
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What are warning signs for y'all that a swinger couple you've met or are talking to online might be unstable?
