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Showing results for tags 'rejection'.
Found 19 results
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We usually just say we are not a match. So as to not hurt anyone’s feelings. We’ve received quite a few of their husband would do our wife, but their wife is not interested in our husband. Ouch! Lately, some people just don’t respond. I used to think this was rude, but it hurts less than a rejection. Thoughts? Can’t be a snowflake in swinging?
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Hi Julie and Everyone Else! We're a married couple that has been in the lifestyle maybe going on 3 years now. I have something that has always bothered me regarding my wife and I when we go to swingers parties. My dilemma is that my wife is pretty much an average weight and size but as for myself, I'm like 5'10" 250lbs more on the heavy boned type of a guy. I've always been between 235-250lbs most of my life after 25 yrs old. And I have noticed that every time we go to a swingers party, people be asking my wife to play, but not myself?? And when my wife says we come as a "package deal", they say "see ya" under their breath. So we stand in the corner all night by our selves. Other people friends have told me not to worry about it, that you'll find the right people that will accept you for the way you are. But being a little heavy still haunts me. So, I was wondering if anybody else out there in swingers land has the same hang up that I do????? Any responses would be most appreciated!! -
We are going to have a vanilla dinner with a couple who we like very much. We’ve played with them many times. The problem: their husband is 6’3” and very well hung. My wife is 4’10, 90 LBs., never had a baby and has post-menopausal self-lubrication difficulties. You can see where this is going. She finds it uncomfortable to have intercourse with him. We like them as friends and we want to stay friends, but we are afraid we may insult them. Should we just tell it like it is? Anyone have a good spin on this?
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Whether in person or on line, if we encounter a couple that I think is in our league in age, looks and lifestyle experience and they decline to meet us or play with us, I feel a little bummed. I wonder why and I realize it could be a small thing that only that other person would find objectionable. Or they may have a problem in health or their relationship. We decline to meet or play with some couples, too. I am concerned for their feelings and we try hard to be diplomatic. How do you handle this aspect of the lifestyle?
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Hey all! Welp, we're stuck in a situation that makes us feel like we're in highschool all over again. Two situations, actually! Bear with me here as I describe. We're friends with Couple 1, who are longtime swingers and awesome people. Completely wonderful friendship. They threw a private swinger's party, which we gladly attended. While we were there, we met Couple 2, who looked cute and seemed fun. (And how bad could it be if Couple 1 likes them, right?). We played with them, had a pretty good time, exchanged kik profiles. Husband is border-line physically appealing to me, but on the right side of the border. Bring in Couple 3, with whom we get along great. In the weeks to follow, we get some unsolicited real-time photos from Couple 2, and the contents of the photos show that they're playing with Couple 3. We think "wait, cool! You all know each other!" and send a flirty message to Couple 2 & 3, basically saying "have fun! We'll be thinking of you" Couple 3 tells us, later, that they're chagrined and that Couple 2 has been become known for outing other couples - admittedly, only those who are already in the lifestyle - and that they're going to start keeping their distances from Couple 2 after this. Couple 1 - whom they ALSO know, as we discovered when we attended a second party - also privately tells us that Couple 2 has ticked off some of their other friends and will be phased out of parties. Couple 2-Wife is now trying to get pregnant, but still playing with other couples/men. Couple 2-Husband is now ravening after me like a a starving wolf in the dead of winter if you laid out a dead cow in front of it. Hubby and I are not impressed by this new twist in his personality, we're disappointed that Husband can't also full-swap with Couple-2-wife and not feel worried, and we're super worried about their ability to be discrete. Lastly - and most simply - while we were at the last party, we also met Couple 4. Couple 4-Wife is super HWP, hilarious, and generally our cup of tea. Couple 4-Husband is charming, respectful, and....very, very obese. Couple 4 propositioned us (again, very courteously), and we declined that night because we were on our way out, and then vaguely declined their invitations following since they live two hours away and we rarely check our S.L.S profile). We will be attending another one of Couple 1's parties along with Couple 4 on in two weeks, as it turns out, and I'm nervous about how that will play out. So here are our questions: 1. Simplest: How do we deal with Couple 4(dissimilar wife and husband) at Couple 1's parties without actually hurting their feelings, but still swapping with others at parties? Is there any way for my husband to play with the wife where I don't have to reciprocate with the husband? 2. How do we distance ourselves from Couple 2 when we've already slept with them, and there is a strong possibility they will hear from other people in Couple 1's network that we're still happily swinging with others? We've both "taken one for the team" in the past, and it really put a lot of stress on our relationship. We LOVE playing with Couple 1 and Couple 3 because everything is in balance and we click. Neither of us wants to get back into uncomfortable drama. Swinging should ultimately be fun, right? Please help! We're trying to move forwards in a constructive way that doesn't burn any bridges. Cheers, Kurious -
For the second time, a couple declined to play with us by saying he would like to play with my wife, but we don't have a four way match. Call me thin skinned, but isn't that insulting to me? He is saying that his wife doesn't want to play with me. Would it not be more diplomatic to just say we are not a match? Well, my wife is hot. I will play with her and that guy won't. And my wife is much hotter than the two women who dissed me. It's a rough crowd out there! Ps: I am HWP, above average looking, certified good partner.
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Hi all. I was wondering if you could help. We are a married Female/Female couple that recently became interested in swinging. My partner was the one who brought it up initially. She has pretty much been sexually inhibited most of her life. She is now a gorgeous body builder with a rocking body and she has decided that she does not want to be inhibited anymore. She is not very experienced, so she is not very confident. And recently on several occasions during playtime with people she has felt very rejected. Kind a like the odd one out. This rejection has completely devastated her and she wants to quit the lifestyle and just go back to a sexless life. I don't know how to help her deal with this, she is crushed and thinks she is repulsive and unfuckable. Can anyone give me some advice? Has anyone else ever gone through this?
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How do you handle a small party of 4 couples, where you are simply not attracted to one of the couples attending? -
We have been enjoying ourselves and meeting new people in the lifestyle for a short time now. We have enjoyed going to the clubs and attending the events but we have been interested in attending some off premises meet and greets. There are a few groups in the area that list them on the SLS board for anyone to sign up for and attend. I recently decided to sign us up for a party a local group was arranging. Since they did not make it clear in the posting I sent the organizer a message inquiring about the location and cover charge. we did not receive a message back but noticed a couple days later the post had been changed to include "Guests that sign up, must receive a confirmation email from us to confirm their spot on the guest list. The confirmation email will include all the event details." That makes good sense and we figured the event organizer is bombarded with messages and that was a great way to handle it. I get on line today and noticed we had been removed from the attended list. I assumed I must have hit the wrong button and inadvertently removed us so we added us again. Two hours later, poof, gone again. I sent the organizer a message "We have signed up for the event on Saturday and we seem to keep getting removed. Is this a very polite way to say we are not welcome?" We have yet to hear back and my gut tells me we wont. Have we been told we are not acceptable for their group? Their group information is a new social club for HWP couples and single females in the Raleigh and Charlotte areas. they have been around since 2012 so they are not very good at updating the group info The event advertisement is the areas biggest and hottest social group in the Raleigh area, is thrilled to announce our next party will be on Saturday, January 18th from 9:30PM-1AM in downtown Raleigh! For those that haven't been to one of our events we rent out a bar in downtown Raleigh and routinely fill it up with the hottest couples and sexiest single females in the area! These events are pressure free and a great way to meet new friends. Our venue features a full bar, DJ, dance floor, large outdoor patio- all 100% for our group to protect your privacy. That we are aware of we have never met the couple who organized the event. I have contacted one of the admins previously introducing ourselves to them. They stopped responding to our messages after a couple back and forths so I would have guessed they were aware I knew how to take a hint since I stopped messaging them. We consider ourselves attractive although we are a bit fluffy so we can only assume they are able to look at our profile and public pictures and determine we are not their type of people. I went to the organizers SLS profile and it read; We Are Looking For: We are a fun and social pair that really enjoy meeting new people. As with most people we stay busy so our time out is limited so let when free we prefer to attend parties or events. We like to believe we are attractive and both have very warm and outgoing personalities. Overall, we think we are pretty snazzy people. Description : We have pictures to trade other than the ones posted here. Both of us are in good shape and HWP. Our fantasies and/or real experiences: What else we'd like to say, do, see, hear about and/or learn: We are not into full swap. If this is not what you are interested in, we totally understand and respect it, but it is just not for us at this time. Since what they are looking for describes who they are we can only assume they are looking for themselves. If people are going to organize and hold events that are limited to only the type of people they want to attend should they not specifically advertise it as a members only event? If they advertise that they will send out confirmation e-mails and they don't want someone to attend their event would it not be less offensive to simply never send the confirmation rather than delete them from the event? I know there is a whole argument about returning messages. Some people are saying no thanks by simply not responding, others at least take the time to send a quick thanks but no thanks. But a event organizer should at least have the common courtesy to say "we don't think you'll fit into our group". I think people like this are who put a lot of people giving the lifestyle a try the unnecessary push away and discourages participation. Yes, rejection is a normal and acceptable thing, not everyone is into everyone. But seriously, a whole group? Yes I am ranting and I figured this would be a pretty good place to do it. I really don't want to send them another message because I intuitive enough to know that no response is all the response I will get. -
Hi all. About a month and a half ago hubby and I met this REALLY hot couple and we really hit it off with them. They said they wanted to take things slow which was fine. During that time we only saw each other twice, not a lot of communication outside of that. Then hubby did a real knucklehead thing and posted something really stupid on the website we met them on ended up turning them off just when they were ready to move forward with us I was so upset because I was really looking forward to having a lot of fun with them. We tried explaining that the thing he posted was not us at all but they wouldn't hear any of it. I think we can woo them back but just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to do this. I really think the 4 of us could have something really great together, they just need to know us better as people and not judge us from something stupid on a website. Any advice is appreciated!
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I am a single male and whenever I try to start a conversation with a couple through a personals ad everything goes well (I would like to think I am a very easy to get along with guy) until we exchange photos. Now in my opinion I am a attractive guy but far from special...just an average every day guy. I was once 300 lbs so throughout my younger years my self-esteem has taking a huge blow. I have lost a good amount of weight but still seems like my appearance is the ending factor in conversations. Is it possible I just run across fakes who are only wanting pictures? If anybody would like to see what I look like I would really appreciate an honest opinion. Only G-rated pics out of respect unless you ask otherwise. -
Recently we received an email from a couple and they wrote: they like our profile, are interested in meeting and will look for us at an upcoming M&G that we are attending. We are on the event list (as well as our tag line) on sls so that's how they know we are going. I checked their profile and we're not interested in this couple from a play time standpoint. On the high end of our age range and there's just no physical connection based on the profile. I'm on the fence as to how to respond. I don't want to seem rude and say no, we don't want to talk to you..always willing the chat with people. But I also want them to understand there's no interest on our part of a sexual nature. I can either send an email now and say...thanks, be happy to talk at the M&G but I don't think we are compatible, blah blah. Or just meet (if they find us) and then email later that we are not interested. Had they just inquired about meeting I would have said we're not interested but I don't want to come off like an asshole and say no..we will NOT talk to you..lol. The M&G at the end of this week so I need to decide soon. Thanks for your e-pinions! -
As a single man, I KNOW that the possibly interested posters would NOT contact me even if they could find me. C'mon, let's be real. You saw my profile and considered me for a millisecond, and then you put me on the reject pile, too. No harm. It's happened lots of times. But...PLEASE...if the single males have NO chance...just block 'em. Be kind and most everyone can get back to lookin' for sex-partners...including the snobby couples looking for well-endowed, moneyed, handsome single guys...or anything else I'm not... Good luck! -
First off this is not a whining or bitching "why doesn't anyone want me?" or "what are we doing wrong?" post. I am asking a legitimate question and I am looking for some honest answers. I tried to put this up as a poll but I can not find a way to initiate a new poll. But I suppose a little introduction is in order first. I have been a long time lurker here and I have decided to finally step out of the shadows and gather some information. What I am looking for is to find out some specific reasons why you have turned down or not responded to perfectly nice couples that are of your desired age range and are of your stated play preference. I must stress that I am looking for actual real life examples and not why you THINK you would reject someone. The reason I am looking into this is I believe rejection is a ubiquitous part of the lifestyle landscape and I think if were to look into it more we can find some common themes and trends and we can all learn from each other and hopefully avoid some common mistakes and pitfalls. Please do not just say to "get over it" or to "move on". This is not about me or anyone or any incident in particular. So here is the question, What are some of the reasons you have rejected perfectly nice couples, of your age range and of your desired play preferences in the past? Any experiences and insights will be greatly appreciated. I am looking forward to your responses. -
This is a rant. Apologies in advance for the length and any rambling. First, I need to say that we have had a lot of fun in various sexual encounters with other people (that is the point of this, after all). For us, the lifestyle can be a huge confidence booster and can make you feel very good about yourself. This is why we keep trying. I know it isn't a perfect world and things don't always work the way they should, but we have had enjoyable experiences and hope to have more in the future. But, more times than not, we have found the lifestyle frustrating and infuriating. We are both young(er) and, by most standards, decent looking. My wife has a wonderful and upbeat personality and is quite disarming. She is always the first to take their clothes off and readily lets people know that. I am more reserved than she is and probably think too much for my own good, but am not threatening or pushy in any way. We have been in the lifestyle for almost six years. We know exactly what we want and are very clear about it in our SLS profile and when we talk to other people. We realize that not everyone has their shit as together as we do so we improvise and roll with the punches. We simply want to meet people (not necessarily exclusive) that we can get together with on a semi-regular basis. That's it. At best we have had modest success at times (we knew one couple that we met with for a time but she got pregnant and that was the end of that). For the most part, we still haven't found what we are looking for. Honestly, in how many other facets of life would one keep trying to do something for six years that they keep failing at? Just like swinging can give you tremendous confidence and an ego boost, it just as easily gives me crushing blows to my ego and destroys my confidence. When you play with a couple that you think you hit it off with well, you feel great. When that same couple dismisses you when you approach them about meeting again (without so much as any kind of explanation or a "no thanks, it didn't work for us") and then just stops talking to you in general, it makes you - maybe not you, but me - have serious questions about yourself. Yes, I know couples that do this could have a whole host of reasons unrelated to me/us, but the fact is that I question myself and I wonder what I did wrong. What the hell did I say this time? Did I not fuck her good enough? Is my dick too small? Did he not find my wife attractive enough? Did she do something wrong? If people in the lifestyle would actually act like adults and communicate with each other, people wouldn't have to ask themselves these kinds of questions. A lot of confidence could be spared. Which brings me to the next reason I hate the lifestyle. Nobody knows how to communicate. When we first got into the lifestyle, this board and the people who posted on it were a tremendous help. We lurked for a long time reading the posts and one theme resonated - communication. Of course, it seems that the only people that communication is recommended for are newbies. It's almost like once you communicate with each other about getting in the lifestyle, communication with others is unnecessary. Nobody talks to each other. If they don't want to get together with you, they just ignore you. If they were offended by something you said/did, they ignore you. Yes means no, no means yes, maybe means fuck you. You are just left to "get the hint", which is lame. Example: there is this couple we have seen at the club a few times and have talked to both in person and online. Last week we emailed and asked them if they wanted to get together last Friday. They emailed back that they were free and wanted to get together. We replied back asking if they preferred dinner/drinks/whatever and gave them our number and said to call us to hammer it out. Do you think we ever heard back from them either by email or phone? This one we chalk up to them being idiots, but instead of them just saying "no thanks, we're busy", now we think they are morons and have no desire to deal with them if we see them again. It's a great example how a failure to communicate has put an early end to what could have been a good friendship. And then there is trying to meet people. SLS is a joke, considering that for every 100 messages you send out, you MAY get 3 replies and of those 3, you're lucky if one of them turns into a real meeting. Going to the clubs is just as bad. It seems that people are more interested in going to the clubs as a fun night out and for the atmosphere then they are in seeking out people to have sex with. Maybe I'm looking at the clubs sardonically, but we gave up the dating game when we got married. We don't go to the clubs to engage in courtship rituals and to act like we're single again - we go to find sex. I used to try and just brush these things off, but it gets hard when they happen consistently and often over the course of six years. The lifestyle has made me question myself, given me reason to lose confidence and frustrated the hell out of me. Another great example is when I read stories or posts on this board about people having regular play partners and raving about how happy they are with those situations, I start to wonder "what the hell are they doing right and what the hell are we doing wrong?" Again, it starts to be a confidence killer. Anyhow, thanks for reading. I guess my only hope from posting this is that someone else on this board feels (or has felt) the same way and can offer something helpful or insightful. We will still keep plugging away sending SLS emails and going to clubs and trying to meet people but it's just seeming less and less worth it to us as time goes on.
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"Beautiful People Only!" Swing Clubs/Groups
incommunicado posted a topic in Look and Feel Your Best!
Anyone encountered this "Beautiful People Only!" thing? Anyone been to one? Thoughts? Reactions? Feelings on the subject? -
(Carryover #2 from tonight's chat). How do you deal with rejection? 1. If you aren't interested how do you go about letting someone know in a tactful manner? Or do you just drop off the face of the earth and figure they will get the message? 2. How do you handle things when you are rejected? Do you write back asking why? Do you continue to talk with them in hopes that they will change their minds or that you can at least be friends? Or do you just drop it and move on? What if the people involved are people you have already become friends with and you want to maintain that friendship but one side or the other has made it clear that they don't want more than that?
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My husband and I are looking at going to a swingers club. My concern is our weight. I have read the many posts here, but no one has been as heavy as we are. I am 5' 5" and 240. My husband is 6' and 350. I am concerned that we will be sitting on the sidelines by ourselves. We are both outgoing people and we have had 3-ways before, but we will be new to the club scene. We are on a work out schedule. Do you think we should wait until we loose more weight before we attempt this? Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.
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Hi I am the female part of the couple, have done alot of lurking around these pages, never felt the need to post before, but I have a question.... on our second swing experience, we met a couple that was very nice, and goodlooking....we decided to play a bit of strip poker, and when we were all naked, I noticed that the male partner of the other group had a very, very small penis, looked a bit biger than a cocktail wienie flacid.... Both me and my husband talked about it, and he said, dont worry it will probably get alot bigger when he gets hard (maybe it is cold in here or something) ....Now here lies the problem, we start playing, and I notice, the other guy was fully errect (we played a bit of touching games) and it didn't get any bigger!! Now, I am not saying I need a monster penis to satisfy me, but my Husband has a 9 inch penis, and the first swing partner we swaped with had about 1 inch on my husband... So was it wrong of me to tell my husband he could not have sex with the other wife, just becase I thought the penis was too small? was I being selfish, or should I have let him give it to his (now salivating over the size of my husbands cock) wife? He was fine with just playing touchy feely with the other couple, but I kind of feel guilty and want your opinions.
