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Showing results for tags 'relationship issues'.
Found 23 results
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How does a hotwife make time to have sex with her husband? What causes divorce, when a couple starts doing this?
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After a 3 month discussion, my wife and I decided to try opening our relationship (only sex-wise). I enjoyed it, enjoyed watching her and in some ways it strengthened our bond. At the same time it also brought about a few changes, noticeably in my wife and a few things I did not pay attention to before. Before opening our marriage, when we had sex, it was normal and good. I like having hard pounding sex but my wife usually stopped me and asked me to slow down and on a few occasions she would even stop the sex. During our swinging adventure, I noticed that she had no problem letting our male partner have his way with her. I mean, he was drilling into her and she loved it and this is not sitting well with me. She knows I love the same thing and clearly it's not hurting her. Another change in her that I noticed is the way she conducts herself in the house. She started taking household decisions without me. She would come home late (I mean really late) from work and not even give me a call. She would give me some excuse the next day as if that is normal. So one day we had the conversation. I sat her down and asked her if she is seeing someone behind my back. She swore no and I have no reason to distrust her. Right now, I don't know what to do. I don't like the way things are going, sex-wise or in my family. Am I losing my family? Has anyone else seen patterns like this in their life? -
My wife and I have enjoyed swinging for 10 years now, but lately, things seem to be changing. These changes are troubling to me. I think I'm gradually being made into a cuckold. Let me explain. My wife Lynn is not so interested in having sex with me. She SAYS sex with me is great, but she seldom orgasms unless I eat her out. When I try to seduce her, she has excuses to avoid having sex with me. But when she is with other guys, she can just about always orgasm. The other night I asked if she wanted to get frisky with me. She said, "We're going out with Amelie and Jacque tomorrow night. I don't want you to get me sore tonight." I said that it sounded like she was saving her pussy for Jacque! She told me to stop being silly. When we got together with Amelie and Jacque, she had at least 8 or 9 very strong orgasms. He ate her and she came. Her fucked her and she came. He fingered her and she came. He fucked her again and she came. When they took a break, I came over to play a little with Lynn's sloppy pussy. I'm very sure she "tsked" subtly as if to say please don't bother. I didn't feel at all welcome. We have always interacted together when playing with others, but I definitely got the feeling she preferred I leave her alone. When we discussed this later she said she was just tired. Of course not tired enough to stop fucking Jacque doggy style then reverse cowgirl, cumming several more times. This kind of scenario has happened several times in the past few months. She cums like mad when she fucks other guys, and claims that it hurts when I fuck her. Now, keep in mind that I'm not certainly not more well endowed than these guys. On the contrary, I'm not very large. So would it be uncomfortable when I fuck her? I suspect it psychological. I believe she is so much more excited with other guys that she loosens up (both figuratively and literally). With me, sex seems to be an obligation or duty. Her real sexual pleasure comes from getting slammed by these men. She has never complained that it hurts when they fuck her. I am the only person that causes her discomfort, no matter how well lubricated she might be. When I try to talk about this with her, she says I'm crazy. She that maybe the shape of my penis causes the pain. Honestly, my dick is very normal, slightly upturned, but not unusual in any way. She has taken in guys bigger, fatter, longer, and even with more curve than my cock. But no one else causes her discomfort...only my cock. No matter how gentle or careful I am, she'll make noises of discomfort. I've asked, "Are you OK?" And she'll say, "I'm OK, just finish." Just finish? Hell, I'm trying to give her pleasure, to make her cum. No matter what I do, my cock is incapable of making her cum. I seem to be the only guy who can't make her cum. I don't like being a cuckold. But I think that is exactly what's going on here. Not blatant humiliation, but it seems like she is passive- aggressively immasculating me either consciously or subconsciously. I know many of you are going to suggest that we talk about it. Believe me, I've tried. She says she likes sex with me, but it is SO apparent that she is not enjoying it. What the hell is happening here? Any ideas?
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Hello, long time lurker here, married many decades, long interest in lifestyle. Wife has posed many questions to me about lifestyle that I have not been able to answer. Once you have begun to swing how has it affected your marriage? Do you find that over time that you lose intimacy? I have noticed people seem to start swinging and then they seem to disappear. I realize that this is something to be carefully navigated as a couple but is this a recipe for a divorce? There is so much misinformation on the net as many of the sources have agendas. I truly love my wife and am very sexually attracted to her and do not want to destroy something precious. I would love to hear about successful long married long swinging couples who remain highly in love and continue to enjoy sex with each other and carefully selected friends.
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The hubs and I were very active in the lifestyle for several years. We had a great time, we had lax rules where we were ok with each other playing solo. I traveled with him on business and had a particular lover I was completely head over heals for. The sex was like no other, he felt it too. Fast forward many years, we’re out of the lifestyle. He became an alcoholic and our marriage imploded. During all of this, we had split briefly. He came back but I let him know that I didn’t have feelings for him anymore. We could try to coexist, for the family. We have lived this way for 6/7 years. Last fall T, reached out to me and I went to see him. It was electric, as it always is. Well I was planning to see him again, and I was going to tell the hubs b4 I left, that I was going to see T. Explosion! He had suspected since last fall, how can he ever believe me again, oh yeah sure I was going to tell him... yada yada. Hubs says well if this is the way we are going to spend the rest of our marriage we might as well get a divorce. He’s the one that drug me kicking and screaming into the lifestyle, we allowed each other freedoms. I’m heartbroken and mad!
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Husband (m/36) and I (F/34) have been married 12 years, 2 kids, and swinging for a little over 3 years now. For background he had cheated before, we spent years working on it, we moved very slowly in baby steps thru swinging, and all has been great for years.... or so I thought. Past few months noticed by husband acting kinda distant. I talked to him about it and he said nothing was wrong. We had been on several fun trips over summer so i thought it was just getting back into school routine. Our sex life had been dwindeling, but i just thought it was the normal ups and downs. He just didn't seem intetested. We were very excited for out of town weekend to a hotel takeover 2 weeks ago. The halloween one is always a blast. Before we go i tell him i've been feeling a little neglected and was hoping to have lots of sex while there to play catch up. He agreed. SAT night we hit the jackpot with a hot unicorn and the three of us went at it for 5 hours. Afterward he slept in other bed, i felt so disconnected but thought maybe he was just hot and let it go. We get into some major arguments after we get home. Bunch of stupid stuff he made worse by blowing up screaming and yelling. This is all so unlike him. I went snooping and my life fell apart. Turns out, he has been hunting craigslist for hookers for around 5 months. He would drive around a few times a week looking for streetwalkers. He admits to picking 1 up and paying her $40 for sex. Claims it was just that one time but i dont believe it. He did eventually come clean about the one after lying for 10 min when I confronted him. He says he's sorry and wants to work it out. I asked if he was sorry why didn't he tell me and why did he go back out looking again afterwards for weeks? He says he don't know. I'm so heart broken. We are swingers, he could have any girl he wanted as long as her man wasnt a total creeper. I did everything sexually for him. He was turning me down but out looking for hookers. I've stayed in shape, and not trying to sound concieted but often one if the best looking women in club. I'm sure i look better then any cracked out $40 streetwalker. There is nothing sexual i'm not willing to do. I wear sexy clothes for him. Hell I have threesomes with him. He says he dont know why he did it. It was exciting looking for them for months (but he only cheated once, yea right). I feel like i'm broken in a million pieces. Like he chose some nasty whore over me. What about stds? What if he would have been caught by police? What if, why, ect ect runs thru my head non stop. I hate him right now. He's sleeping in basement but everytime i see him i feel this rage that scares me. I can't even function, can't eat without puking, can't sleep, can't do anything but sit here and hate him. My kids know something is wrong but not what. Right now mommy probably looks crazy. I feel crazy. I'm eating xanax like crazy (4 a day) and its not even numbing me. I tried searching for cheating swingers, but couldnt find anything like this. Someone please help me understand. Why did he do this? I know i'm not perfect but i didn't deserve this. Why would he turn me down but PAY for it from someone else? I just cant wrap my brain around it. What do I do? Someone please help me. Edit: of course we will NOT be swinging now. Just felt safer posting this here because as soon as i said we were swingers on another board it was all hate talk and my fault because I allowed others into our bedroom. As swingers, we understand the difference, but normal population does not so thats why this post is here.
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We are in a relationship with another couple. The male of that couple had a single lady as a gf. That ended because he was taking love and affection from his wife and also ignoring me. He keeps being upset that his wife gets to still be with the one she loves (my husband) and his was taken away. Compares the two situations like they are the same even though when he was with his gf, his wife got nothing and was home with the kids. Whereas when they see us he always gets me that gets him off at least twice every time and there has been more times than that. Where I am affectionate and caring. Where we both clearly enjoy each other's company very much. Am I right to be offended that he keeps doing this comparison? It hurts my feelings every time because I'm obviously a non factor to him. He says he really cares about me and can see his feelings heading to love. I'm just not seeing that when he keeps doing this comparison.
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Hello everyone! I am married but it is already four years since my wife lost her interest in sex at all (apparently). On the other hand, I am young and full of body energy to share. I am also naturally interested on exploring/studying the orgasm; for me it is very healthy and stabilizing thing and I love to give pleasure to another person. We are separated in fact but living together. I dream about sparking her desire and going back again to what used to be a very hot couple, tide by tongue as we were called before, but not sure if it is possible and now I am already desperate, becoming addicted to porn. I think this sad end is the result of following a counter natural model of marriage. I want to explore what are my real desires without any barriers. I wonder if swinging lifestyle would help me on this. I wonder if, now being a married but single, I would find partners for my explorations, and how and where. And I wonder if I will be able to bring my wife to this lifestyle as well so she can also enjoy and we start having happy lives again. Any kind of advice is welcome. Thanks!! -
Ok...My hubby and I are relatively new to this lifestyle although we have talked about it extensively and are sure of each others limits etc... We have played with only three couples and a few single males. Recently I was on a different message board. (one for the club we have most recently gone too) and I have noticed that like 4 of them are talking about coming to the club "with their husbands before they divorced."... This concerns me a little... Mainly because not one of these 4 ladies will tell me what happened. I don't want to do anything to destroy my relationship with my hubby but i want to be able to explore and play. I don't want to badger them but being a woman too who goes to swinger clubs with my hubby I would just like to know why their relationships didn't work out and since they aren't willing to discuss that with me ( and i do not really blame them, since they don't know me from eve...) I am really wondering what happened? Are there any of you ladies out there who have had serious relationship issues related to this lifestyle? Can this cause divorce? They have all expressed that it was somehow related to this lifestyle... so I am curious now if there is someone out there who can give me so advice. I love my hubby with all my heart and i have found that no one can really please me like he can... It is just the thrill of the unknown that we crave. Thanks for your help... feel free to email me directly if you want... gahotnsexy@aol.com Monica HELP -
Hi everyone I have what I believe is kind of a problem. We have had an open marriage for some time but not really very active given life, a child, etc. You get the picture. My husband is a musician, which has entailed going on the road at times, and I have also acknowledged the possibility that he might meet someone and have sex with them, and I'm cool with that. I also am allowed such a option to "date" a man or woman outside of our relationship. However, we had never ever talked about "swinging" with a couple, separately. Earlier this year I was in Las Vegas. While I was gone he "assumed" I must have done something, so he went out to dinner one night and randomly met some couple. Went home with them, fucked the dude's wife, and the only way I found out about it was because his brother had called me because he never showed up to a rehearsal! He had overslept at their place, was a couple of hours late to that rehearsal, etc. When I called him to find out what had happened I got the runaround. Then of course, it all came out when I got home. I was, frankly, livid. The thing is, I don't believe he would have told me as he never expected to get "caught." At that time our marriage was not in a good place and I was really hurt that he would go out and do that, particularly as we had never talked about such a scenario. As far as I was concerned at that time, it was over. Well, on two occasions thereafter, he snuck over to their place to fuck his wife again, and I later found out that the guy sucked his dick at least on one occasion. He snuck back over there on two occasions while I was at work and in the morning. To make a long story short, we finally got our marriage back on track, or so I thought. Prior to that I tried to be open and ask if I could meet them, and initially he said that they would like to meet me. Then he says that well, the guy has porn on all the time he's there, and "I'm a man and I can handle it." WTF? Then he says "you wouldn't like them." WTF? Then he says "I don't want to see you with the guy." So I said, well, then I don't want you with his fucking wife! This is not about sex per se, I have been more than comfortable and cool with it in the past e.g. he recently spent the night with a girl he met on the road who was here on vacation and we all had dinner together and I went home afterwards and he spent the night with her and I was totally fine with it. It is just this particular married couple that is bugging the shit out of me. I have seen as many as 17 to 30 text messages on the bill between them. He told me after we agreed on some kind of "veto power" if necessary, and he has essentially vetoed me, or at least expressed his dislike of the possibility of a certain situation. I am feeling as if my veto has no power, and I have seen their phone number popping up on the cell phone bill. If he had told them it was over, they would not still be contacting him, would they? He has never been really up front with me about these clowns and in the past two weeks it appears that they are texting him again, and it seems as though he is keeping them as some kind of option, and not telling me. I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but now I just don't know what to do. I have dug into my feelings and it is not jealousy. It is the deception and the lies and the sly sneaking around which, even in an open relationship, is still in my opinion cheating. Anyhow, thanks for reading my babble
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I am new here and have done some searching, however I can't find what I am looking for. The Mr. and I have done some extensive talking about moving forward into the lifestyle, which I am all for, but have some reservations. Previous in our marriage we were having some communication issues which lead to an affair on his part. For the most part I have been able to forgive him but the more we talk about moving forward with this, the more reservations I have. I am wondering if the feelings of jealousy and reserve are normal. Is there any advice some more experienced have that they would be willing to share? This lifestyle is very much something I want to experience with the Mr., but don't want to have a disaster in the end. Thanks. -
I have a serious situation. My wife and I are middle-aged, and have been married to each other for about 6 years. We have always had problems with her extreme jealousy...paranoia..whatever...although I have always been faithful. A cashier can smile at me, and I can be in deep shit. We are now separated, she has filed for divorce, because she is convinced that I have been unfaithful to her...I was not. We do love each other, and the only problem we have is her jealousy...we are talking...we both want to be together with each other...but she says I will break her heart again..and I say that my actions have been entirely innocent...I'm just friendly with everyone...I don't need an extramarital affair to be happy. And I am at my wits end...this marriage is over, and that is really sad. Now, my wife is sexual...she loves sex. My thought is if we entered into a swinging relationship...or swinging lifestyle....maybe that would cure her jealousy...her worse fears would be realized, but there would be no dishonesty...we would be doing it with each others knowledge and approval...and since she is doing it ...how could she be jealousy...She can enjoy her sexuality...the jealousy problem hopefully would disappear...we could live together happy as a married couple...and while I don't need the swinging lifestyle....I would enjoy it. Please give me your thoughts, suggestions, etc, and if you live in north Atlanta area, possibly we can conspire to work towards making something happen. I have not discussed this with her...I think she would dismiss it, and possibly get angry, but if handled right....I see this as a solution to all the problems...win..win..win.. At least I would try it before I kiss my love goodbye.
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Hello Everyone, I joined this site yesterday because I don't know where to turn for advice or just to get make sense of what is going on. I've been with my partner for 7 1/2 yrs, I love him dearly and would do anything for him, he's my world and I have always put him first. When we got together, a few months into our relationship he told me he visited swinging clubs when he was married and the reason he did this was because his sex life at home was boring. He assured me that was his past and in me he had found the perfection he had been looking for. Our relationship was great, sex life was brilliant, and nothing could possibly go wrong. A few months later I noticed he was heavily into porn, constantly downloading porn, I wasn't concerned because I thought he's not doing anything behind my back and porn was ok. The relationship suddenly started to take a downwards turn, he became secretive and lied about his whereabouts, he'd put locks on his phone and computer, he'd set up various email accounts, bought new sim cards for existing old phones. It became very messy and difficult for me to trust him and to pull our relationship back to what it was when we started out together. We split up 3 times over the years and a lot of it was influenced by him meeting people behind my back and being secretive, the lies, etc. I had him back every time because of my love for him. He'd come back saying he'd made a mistake and loved me and didn't want swinging but little did I know that it continued like an addiction. Eventually I decided to give it a go because I didn't want to lose him but by now he'd got involved with a girl he'd met on a swinging site and they had become a couple unbeknown to me and again he left, that was two years ago. He threw himself into swinging full on with the girl and before too long became bored and came back swearing he would never want it again because he'd had enough. We got back together and this time I dipped my toe. My first experience was with a couple at their home, it didn't go as I thought it would and I was left very upset by the experience. We tried again a few weeks later and it was okay but the male party playing with me couldn't get it up. A few weeks later we started going to swinging clubs, however this left my partner angry and frustrated because I wouldn't initiate anything and I was too picky about who I would have sex with. Last year we went to a sex club and it was very busy. My partner saw a couple he liked the look of and encouraged me to stand next to them hoping we would play. There were couples having sex all around us and my partner was physically shaking like an alcoholic wanting his next drink or a drug user wanting their next fix. I was shocked at my partner's physical reaction. I didn't realize it was like an addiction for him. Anyway we didn't play and he came home in anger and low and behold he finished with me a few days later. A few weeks later we tried to make us work again and even went to Relate but he told me not to bring up the swinging. Relate helped us to communicate more. Four months ago I lost my father and traveled abroad to his funeral. When I came back partner was kind and caring but he changed again last month. I agreed for him to go to sex clubs on his own as long as it didn't affect our relationship because I desperately needed his support right now. The past two weeks have been hell; he's distant, unloving, uncaring, avoids me, and has decided to tell me that he was having sex with couples at sex clubs whilst I was attending my fathers funeral...that hurt like hell! He told me he'd been meeting couples whilst he's been away on courses whilst I've been grieving for my father and he may as well find someone who is more compatible to him and maybe a 'fuck buddy'. I couldn't hurt more right now. I'm devastated and don't know what to do. Two days ago I was tidying the cupboards where partner keeps his paperwork and other bits, I found a phone I'd not seen before and on switching it on I found he had been sleeping with men, women, and couples since he split with me last year, during the counseling, and whilst I was at Dad's funeral. He has had a fuck buddy since last November. I don't even know what to feel right now because I'm so numb. I am hoping someone could try and understand whats going on with my partner and us and give me some advice.
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New to this scene, remarried for 4 years to the man of my dreams - the best lover I have ever had, very knowledgeable, sensual and will do just about anything to please me - he is into anal and so am I and I have so enjoyed playing with him - he has introduced me to so many other new things. Years ago (with my ex) I had a disastrous threesome with a former friend, and my take-away from that was that some things are just better left a fantasy. So I fantasize about lesbian sex but truly have no desire to act on it. I sometimes share these fantasies with him but not so much lately (more on that later). He fantasizes about being the "bottom" in a MM sexual encounter and is obsessed with finding a FMM experience (for himself, not me). Last week I found out he was posting and replying to CL ads for casual sex looking for the other M for his fantasy. I was devastated - not that he was interested in men, obviously, because he has shared that with me (tho after we were married:() but because of the deception. He is taking the steps to make his fantasy a reality and I am in the dark. For more than a year he has been bringing up going to a local swing club, and I have brought up all the reasons why I am really not that interested - we are older, not Ken and Barbie, the scene at the club seems younger, there was a violent incident there not long ago, and really, the bottom line (no pun intended) is that for right now, I really don't want to have sex with anyone but him. Before you'll go thinking I am a prude or conservative let me assure you I am not - I am a live and let live sort - I do not judge others - I have some fairly kinky desires but they happen to revolve around him, period. For instance, before I met him I was always hoping I would find someone who would enjoy letting me play with his butt, because that is a real turn on for me - so like I said he IS the man of my dreams, quite literally. However, the thought of someone else touching me sexually is a real turn off for me. And I am no kid - I know who I am - like Jessica Rabbit said "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way" LOL I have shared ALL of this with him, multiple times. He has told me he only wants to have this MM experience if I am with him - but my rule is if you want to really know a person, forget all their words and just look at their deeds. When you apply that rule here you can see my dilemma. The thought of a FMM encounter leaves me tepid, at best - and at worst it scares me - what if he decides that this is really his sexual orientation? We have friends who "came out" in middle age, left their families and started over. All of which I pointed out to him when I told him I had seen his emails. His position is that he has done nothing wrong, that my disinterest left him no other choice. He feels I have criticized him for having these feelings, but when I ask him when and how, he cannot remember. I never meant to make him feel bad for sharing with me, but before this I always felt that we were a team - that we had each others backs, and that we would work our way through this together. I certainly wasn't going to deny him this pleasure he wants so badly, but it was how to go about it and when that was hanging me up. This past year has been a very tough one for me for other reasons, so admittedly I put this situation on the back burner. I can see now that this is going to happen, with or without my consent or participation. It may already have happened - I cannot really trust his word right now - he is so obsessed I think his judgment might be impaired. I have already found many answers here - like why do people swing? (sex, intimacy, excitement, relief from monotony) How do they keep their relationships solid? (communication, rules, boundaries, trust) What is fidelity? is it physical, emotional, both? What constitutes sex? (jury is still out on that one). I have learned many new terms and acronyms:). I have also seen how over-eager pushy partners shoot themselves in the foot by thinking only of what they want and need, and not what their partner is really truly ready for. And I have seen people get into this lifestyle for all the wrong reasons - trying to please their partner, fear of loss, ambivalence, boredom, and using it as an escape from a relationship that is flawed and unhappy. So, I am working my way through the deceit - getting tested for STD's tomorrow, reminding myself to be scrupulous with my words, to not make assumptions. I have asked him, as a stop gap measure, to please BCC me on all future CL communications, he agreed but again I have little confidence in his truthfulness right now. I figured then I could at least not feel like a cuckold spouse, and who knows, maybe he will find the perfect, DDF, NSA man to initiate him. Still not sure where that leaves me - whether I would want to be there or not, participate or not. Some questions for the forum: Have you ever gone into a swing scenario with this degree of trepidation I describe, and found that you actually enjoyed yourself? Have any of the women out there been through this particular FMM situation, and can they offer additional information? I make this gender specific, because I know full well that in reverse, you guys cannot feel my pain ("yeah, my wife is totally obsessed with hooking up with another chick on CL so she can experience lesbian sex, she insists that I be there" - righhhhtttt). Any other examples of rules and boundaries that you experienced swingers use? How do you enforce them? My sweet man is hurt and vulnerable about all of this, and I do not want to make him feel any worse, but I kind of need some extra assurances that there will be no more secrets. Ideas? How do you rebuild trust after something like this? At this point, with the direction things have taken, I almost think that I should go with him to a swing club or encourage him to find a M to pre-empt another episode of quasi-infidelity - is that a totally crazy idea? -
As I discussed in other threads, my wife wants to swing but I have jealousy and insecurity issues. I was going to try it to make her happy, but then we decided against it. The problem is that she keeps bringing the subject up and all of our sex now involves gangbang/MFM fantasies. It is as if just being with me isn't good enough anymore. She wants to find another married couple to swap partner or have them watch but ultimately do a MFM with another guy and me. My main problem is I don't know if I can handle watching her get another guy off or if the other guy is better then me and/or she develops feelings for another man. So I decided to look at it from a new angle - I will just focus on the fun and excitement of having sex with another women. I am sure that will help distract me from what my wife is doing. My wife will not put this swinging thing to rest until it happens - she is a determined person who gets what she wants out of life and could end up doing this without me. I don't want to take that chance. -
Hi Everyone, It's been a while since I have been to the board and posted, so I guess I'm still a 'newbie'. Anyways, for about 4 years now my husband and I have talked about the idea of polyamory. We haven't done much per say in the aspect of living the lifestyle, but have definitely felt that it is something that we want to pursue! I did have a post about 2 years ago about kissing a girl and thought that she would be open to the idea because she had become such a good friend and was practically part of the family, but that didn't work out the way we hoped. Although we have remained good friends Well, since we started talking about it 4 years ago, my husband has been into the idea of us both being with a woman - which guy hasn't??? When I brought up the idea of a guy, I got a flat out "no". Lately, we have been talking about it and he said that if I wanted to be with a guy, I could, but he did not want any part of it, didn't want to see the guy, know anything about it, and that basically, I would have to have that be a 'separate' life. Communication is the most important thing and I told him that I wasn't trying to push him to say it's O.K for me to be with someone else, I did, however, want to understand where he is coming from. I like the idea of being with another woman, not only sexually, but to emotionally connect with and possibly even become a family. I also like the idea if it were a man. I understand that sexually he would be more compatible/comfortable with a woman because we would all three of us would be physically involved. And with another man, it wouldn't be that way, but to me, that's not the most important thing. I'm sorry, even in my writing, I'm confused I get where he is coming from in the physical sense, but I think where I'm getting confused is the part where he says that it has to be a complete separate life. He said to me that he wouldn't want me to say "I think you two would be good friends". Why? I don't understand why he couldn't have a civil relationship with another guy. He wanted to talk some more and asked me if that was something I wanted, to be with another man. I was a virgin when I met him and I told him that I have thought about it because he has been the only one I have been with, but I would not feel comfortable going out with someone if I felt that he just said it was fine because of that! He has told me that he wouldn't feel like he could be with another woman if I wasn't involved. Like I said before, we think that we would be more comfortable having emotional connections, which makes me think that he is just giving me the go-ahead because I have only been with him sexually. I hope I have given enough information for you to give me your opinions and thoughts on this, because that's what I am asking for! Over the past couple of days, I have been reading the boards over and over and I definitely appreciate the advice you have given others... Indulge -
hey all, its been months since posting, but have been luring here and there... to get to the matter at hand...My DH and I had decided mostly because we can;t get a sitter most of the time, to try our hand at an open marriage.It was fun and exciting for me at first, and he didn't get too much action but kept saying he was a patient man, which he is.Finally he started a relationship with the female half of a couple we swing with, although now they are divorcing.This makes me very uncomfortable as she turns to my DH for all kinds of support, emotional and otherwise.This is not ok with me....they have a strong bond,and I feel it goes beyond physical tho both claim to have no interest in each other besides the sex.He waited til I was asleep one night, and told me he was going out for cigarettes then went to her house for ...well who knows his reasoning.I was awake and wondering why he would be gone a half hour to get smokes then did a bad thing by checking his facebook( by this time I was hurt by their relationship and the major thing that the attention I was craving from him he gave to her...I know dramdrama..)I saw that they had had a conversation and he was seeing her.If he hadn't lied to me I probably would have been all right with this,but now a seed has been planted in my mind that they are more than fb's especially when he sneaks around....another night he was chatting online with her claimed to be talking to someone elses and it was her(I had checked again) now this here shows my jealousy, and inability to accept them as nothing more than fb's,I am ashamed of my behavior and inability to trust him.I also said we had to stop the "open" marriage for it was jeapordizing our relationship.Next step for me was to tell him to stop contacting her...she had a couple messages where she stated she loved him and he had told her one night on the phone "luv you" which to me throwing around the l word is unacceptable.I asked him how he would feel if he heard me tell some dud I was with that I loved him he said yea i get you.But he claims they are just "friends"...she claimed she was my friend but what kind of friend can you be by telling your best friends husband you love him?I am very confused, I have stopped swinging cold no kind of relationships like that I am trying to close pandora's box.I am not sure if there is hope left in the box after I close it.I love my husband and want this marriage I am ready to stop the swinging for good, if need be.I asked him to cut all contact with the woman he had the relationship with, i felt hurt and betrayed, and now am not sure if swinging is right for us especially if it means an open marriage.has anyone else had any kind of experience with this sort of thing? and what do you do? -
Just sayin'... this swinging lifestyle isn't for everyone... good luck to all though... -
Mrs YZF here. Almost a year ago we had Quita, a polymory third move in with us. It has been great. I have been into girls my whole life and so is she so it was good for me. YZF had two women when ever he wanted so it was good for him. She is the third, I am the wife. Those were the ground rules. Quita can come into our bed when ever she wants. She can sleep in our bed when she wants. She does not sleep with YZF unless I am not there. I do not sleep in another room so she can sleep with him. She gets everything I get. She gets to spend his money. He gave her a car. She does not get to spend the night with him at my expense. Those were the rules. They were not written down or anything, they were understood. Now this past weekend, I get booted from the room. "Something different" YZF said. Quita agreed. At least I think she agreed, the bitch does not even speak english! I can't help feeling that something is afoot here. Quita has been acting smarmy of late. I really do not know how to approach this. -
This morning, someone started a thread poll entitled "Is your spouse the best lover ever?" It made me think. Would I really want to ask Mr. Fuse that question? Of course there's only one right answer, but even the way that answer is given can be deadly. "Does he really mean it"? "That sounded defensive". "You're just being nice". "You have to say that; I'm your wife". More generally, I think that question is a little like "Do these jeans make me look fat?", only more serious. "Am I the best lover you've ever had"? has to be one of a definite set of dangerous questions in the swinging world. (It could be even worse if you ask "Is your playmate better than me"?) There are more things we all dread being asked. We know this class of questions by our reactions to them. Eyes get a little bit wide, sudden intake of breath, half a step backwards... adrenaline kicks in... we only think about survival. It's like asking swingers "Do you really always use condoms"? or "Have you ever had an STD"?, or "Are we your favorite playmates"? or "Have you ever loved a playmate"? There are just some things it doesn't pay to ask. Anyone have additions to this list, comments, or stories? I'm sure there are some doozies out there.
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Hi All! I'd like to present a situation that maybe you guys would have some advice or words of wisdom on. My husband and I joined the wonderful, crazy world of swinging a little over 2 years ago. While we have had several playmates, one couple really stood out for us. They were more than just sex partners, they were people that we became real friends with. We got together as couples and even several occasions with our kids. They've been to our kids' birthday parties and vice versa. We stopped swinging with them when they started having some relationship problems towards the end of 2007, and haven't been sexual with them since. Now they have been separated for two months and things aren't looking great for them. So here is where the issue I would like advice on comes into play.... While the wife of this couple and I have stayed friendly acquaintances, the guy of the other couple and I have become really, really great friends. From the start, we just clicked like two old friends who had known each other forever, and the sexual chemistry that we had was incredible. When we all first started chatting (we met them on a swinger's website) it was a daily thing for almost a month before our schedules would allow us to meet in person. Between the phone and the chats on the computer (which mostly happened between him and I) the friendship grew quickly. At the time, I didn't realize that this could possibly ever become more than the two of us just finding the perfect swinging partners. Anyhow, to make a long story short, after quite a while of the two of us being in big time denial that we were feeling anything other than sexual chemistry and great friendship, we realized that we both felt deeper than that for each other. After coming to that realization, the two of us have been very careful to keep our feelings for each other in check and to not cross any lines. After I realized exactly what I was feeling, I gathered up the courage to tell my husband that I was having feelings for this guy (We had said back when we first started that if feelings ever developed then we would cut things off with the couple so I was soooo worried that I would have to cut contact). While his original reaction was hurt and anger, once he got over those first feelings, we had many, many, many discussions on what it would be like to bring someone else into our relationship. While we knew that it would not happen with this guy because he was married and his wife was no longer even comfortable with him having a sexual attraction to me or any other woman (a result of their rocky marriage, I'm sure, as her and I still stayed acquaintances), we still discussed how this would play out in our relationship between each other. We kinda left it as we would leave ourselves open to this, dealing with things as they would come up and make decisions based on how things played out and felt at the time. Here's the problem now. Now that he and his wife are separated, and may be making their way to a divorce, the possibility for him to play some other role in my life besides just a great friend is there. I know that the feelings we have for each other could quickly resurface. And I'm well aware of the fact that he could get back together with his wife and that this could not be a possibility. But part of me is excited about that possibility of being able to have him as a playmate again. However, now that we are faced with the very real possibility that someone else could become part of our life as something more than just a playmate, my husband is having to work through some big fears. He says that he cannot help but worry that this will affect our marriage in a bad way. He also is having some insecurities, like what if she likes him better than she likes me. I think some of this comes from him not having a complete understanding of how I could possibly love more than one person at a time in a romantic love kinda way. I've explained it all to him as best as I can, and I think he is understanding it all a bit more now. He is still open to all of the possibilities in this, but we have just decided to start with baby steps to it all. I was just curious if you guys had any advice for me on how to help him along in this process. Is there a really great way for me to explain to him how loving more is a very real thing? Is there a way for me to help ease his worries about it all? I really hate him feeling insecure or jealous in anyway. I hate seeing him fret over this. Especially when I know that through this all, my love for him has not changed, lessened, or disappeared, even though my love for this other man has grown. So any advice any of you may have that you have experienced that has worked for you would be appreciated!! Much thanks in advance & love to you all for your responses!!! -
Due to my profession, I am away from home for a month to 4 months at a time. I'd like to just stay with her, but there's no work for a U.S. filmmaker in Paris. She can't travel with me due to health issues, money issues and her citizenship. My girlfriend and I are very in love with each other. The separation is difficult, but she suffers the most. Last week, after a heart-wrenching telephone discussion about how lonely she felt, and how hard it was for her to sleep in an empty bed, among other things, I asked her to find herself a lover. The decision was a tough one. We aren't swingers. However, I don't want to lose her because she is lonely and feels trapped by our relationship, and I want someone to take care of her and her needs, whatever they may be, while I'm away. I've never been with a girl that swings, but it is a fantasy of mine. In my mind, I accepted the fact that my GF would be with someone else. Instead of being jealous, I liked the idea that my GF would have someone to give her the some of what I can't while I'm away. She was shocked. Then she accused me of proposing this so I could do the same. I assured her that I had no intention of being with anyone else. I want this to be like a gift of my love to her. She's bi... In fact, she was thinking she was a lesbian before we met. While I was away a previous time, she'd had a sexual encounter with a female friend of mine. The two of them had gotten very close. They were drunk after a party and voila! However, now she was against the idea. She wanted me, not someone else. Since then, she's had our friend sleep over several times. Nothing's happened, but I know they kiss each other a lot. I feel so relieved that my GF is not alone in bed. Then, she proposed that I find her someone. She didn't want to find her lover. So, I asked asked another girl I know, and guess what? She didn't even blink! Of course, my GF was shocked again! She didn't think I would seriously do something like that! LOL! So far, nothing has happened. They've started writing emails to each other. Now, the idea of my GF with other people totally turns me on, and I feel good inside knowing that she's not alone during those cold Parisian nights. She's worried about where this will lead, and even thinks that maybe I'm just trying to get rid of her... to pass her off to someone else. (I can assure you that's not the case. I wouldn't propose this if I didn't trust and love her completely. I just want her to be happy until I can be there with her.) Am I going about this the right way? -
This is the Mrs. I recently had an extreme boost in my libido which since led us to swinging and wonderful times! PROBLEM.....it's gone!!!! I really can't explain it nor do I understand it myself, other than house wife syndrome LOL Hubby is furious with me, he says he can live without the swinging, but wants his wife...ok I understand that, but I am just not in the mood for sex at all right now!!! and haven't been for many weeks So he writes me a letter this morning, ending it with "the balls in your court for our relationship"....Great..is this going to end up as divorce number 3? God I pray not!!!! I love him truly, but have issues I guess, you can read about a few in my previous posts Now I don't know what to do, give in...pretend to feel attractive and horny, or just keep trying to explain myself, as I have done many times. He just don't understand and really I'm not sure I do either I become very resentful about this topic when I feel pressured, and hope he can be more understanding and patient with me. SOOOOOOOO CONFUSED!! ANY ADVICE PLEASE? xoxoxoxo C
