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Ok so this may be a bit taboo and yes there are plenty of issues that come with this… but our conversation (and fantasies) revolve around swapping and sex in this fashion. It might sound silly but is this frowned upon in swinger circles? Would we be blacklisted or is there a place for this? We wouldn’t be sleeping around and maybe hope to find a regular couple or 2 to have this fun with, but as a general rule what’s the community’s approach to those coming in and looking to have bareback sex?

Hi everyone, I'm new here, and never experienced swinging. I really want to try it out though, so that my wife could have sex with 3 or 4 men at once. I would like to go into her after other guys deposit their cum inside her. I don't want them to wear condoms! Reading through the posts here, I want to try to be the sloppy second, or even third, or fourth... The question is, if she does not want to take pills to avoid pregnancy, what would you guys do, if you face the situation where she got pregnant? I'm sorry if there are other posts like this one, but I would really like to know

This particular thread Bareback Swingers made us curious about how common bareback sex is among those of us on the Board. The following is a poll we saw on a Yahoo! group earlier this year. We are looking forward to reading your feedback.

I haven't seen this addressed here, so I was wondering if anyone has been scammed or attempted to be scammed while swinging? Now we have had single guys lie about having a partner or one couple wanted me to loan them a sizable amount of money. So has any swingers tried to blackmail or scam you?

We are laying low, not due to covid but other reasons. But in talking to friends, we just don’t hear as much about house parties, etc. Has covid subdued interest? Or are we jaded and/or over the hill?

We once received a swinger's letter from an elderly man (like 85 years old) who was "encouraging" his twenty-something mail order Filipino bride to swing with him. Anyway, we sent their pics back, said no thanks, and pretty much forgot about the deal until our phone began ringing at all hours of the day and night. We answered the phone two or three times, tried being polite but got cussed out for our trouble - "You people are discriminating against me because I'm old - I'm going to contact the magazine and tell them.....blah, blah, blah." Two weeks later, New Year's 1993 just before the clock struck twelve, the dude showed up unannounced on our doorstep with a twelve pack and a totally scared Filipino wife. Long story short, cops carted him off. Anyone else ever been totally freaked out by crazies ?

I remember a friend of mine once telling me of his fantasy to have an orgy in a pitch black room. The idea being that no one knows who is touching them or whether it's a man or a woman. So I'm wondering, would you want to do this? Straight guys, does the idea turn you off because another guy could be touching you/ sucking you and you wouldn't know it? And don't give me that "I'd know if it was a guy" line, either. Would you be more willing to chance a bisexual encounter in a situation like this than you would knowing for sure that it was someone of the same sex touching you? Considering that all of your other rules were met (these were people you already know and are comfortable with, etc) would you be involved in a dark room orgy? And just for those not willing to admit it publicly, I've given you a poll.

It's considered a "Superspreader Event" Seriously, I know we're all careful with protection from STI / STD's when we're out playing -- but holy cow, people! -- masks just aren't going to be enough. Also, "Police".

This is going to be a long story, but I feel like it is important to tell it and get it off my chest. I (female, bi-curios 23yo) and my now fiancé (male, straight 28 yo) have been together for about 6 and a half years, basically since I was 16. We started talking about the the swinging life since I was 18 and a year later we decided to give it a try. A little bit of chronology, for the sake of the story. My first ever encounter was with a much older guy of about 45 years, which at the time I thought that being more mature and experienced would be better, it wasn’t bad bot not great either. Then a younger guy of about 28 years, followed by a couple of around the same age. We took a break for a while and decided to try again when we were in holiday in Amsterdam, I hooked up with 3 different guys and another couple, all in a week worth of time. My fiancé, which I will call AG, is more of a cockhold type of guy, he participates whenever he wants, but mostly likes to watch. Forward to a few months later, in the beginning of summer of 2018, I was approached over Facebook by this sweet and good looking guy, saying he found me on a dating site but wasn’t a paying member so he searched by my first name (not a common name in the country I live in, and not wise of me either - lesson learned). He seemed like a really decent human being, probably the first one that didn’t started the conversation with a dick pic. We talked for a while and thought we had a good chemistry, it turned out he also lived like 3-400m away from me. Me and AG talked about it and he agreed to give me more freedom and meet with this guy alone, if I felt like it. After a few days of talking, I decided to sneak out of the house and give it a try, not knowing if I’ll end up having a good time or get myself murdered. Now, I am the shy type, so sneaking out while AG while sleeping was my way of not feeling guilty of wanting to meet with another man and also not keeping him awake all night thinking of what might or might not happen. Even though he lived close by, I took the car and drove to the address he gave me, which was a quiet and dark-ish neighbourhood. I couldn’t see the house numbers so I asked him to get out. Out of nowhere he knocked on the passenger window and I got out. I was scared shitless, partly because it felt weird to meet with him, partly because I had no idea of what I’m getting myself into. We went inside the house and talked for a few good hours. He had this deep but soft voice, talking softly and try to get me to calm down as I was very shy. As much as I liked it, we speak different languages as mother tongues, so him almost whispering in English made it really difficult to understand him at times. We laid down on the sofa after a while and he began to softly touch me, running his hand from top to bottom ever so gently, I could almost say he treated me like I was fragile, at the time. He slowly pulled my dress up and began touching me so soft yet firm. I can’t remember exactly how it happened, but we went into his bedroom, he tied my hands, blindfolded me and fucked my brains out. Even though I was shy, I like the rough sex and being used, so he was well aware of that. I must admit, AG is not that great when it comes to size, but he does his best. This guy had a really nice dick, which I deeply enjoyed feeling deep inside me. We fucked until around 5 AM when he had to leave for work shortly after. While I was getting dressed, I couldn’t find my panties so I left without them - when I told him about it later on, making it seem like I am not sure, he denied having them, which I found a bit weird, but both me and AG laughed about it and moved on. I went home to my sleeping fiancé and told him everything that happened, he was amazed that I actually had the guts to do it. He got horny, we fucked and went to sleep. Now, I kept talking with this guy and we ended up being some kind of friends with benefits. I actually liked him so much, I got attached to him and ignored every red flag about him, and let me tell you they were plenty. I think we fucked like 2 more times and I met with him just to give him a blowjob once or twice, can’t remember exactly, before he went silent for a few good months. I often felt that I was taken for a fool or that he ignored me, he would agree to meet just for him to cancel last minute and give me lame excuses, like he had a zipper accident and his dick is bleeding or that his grandmother died (maybe she did, maybe she didn’t). Now, I am one that usually knows a bullshit when I see one, but I decided to ignore it and think it was all in my head, because I liked him that much and he was really sweet but only when it suited him. I enjoyed talking to him or having his attention, therefore why I acted with my pussy and not with my brain. Fast forward to a few months later, he texted me out of nowhere, saying he went through a rough period (he has lupus, or so he says) and made it seem like it was related to his illness. Of course, he was again nice and sweet and I fell for him, again. I invited him over to our house, even though AG was not so thrilled about it - he is a graphic designer and was working from home for an important project, so he just said hello, met the guy and went back into his office. He wasn’t happy about him coming over, but I acted selfishly and he agreed for my sake. I actually found out later he didn’t really liked the guy when he met him, but I seemed happy with him so he went along and didn’t wanted to be the “I told you so” guy. I ended up giving him a blowjob and he left shortly after. Now, we all had this fantasy in which he would cum deep inside me, and we thought about it for almost a year up to that point, so we decided to make it happen. AG did it twice and the Plan B worked for me with no problems. Said and done, I went to him and ended up fucking for all night until early morning. I left his house with his cum dripping down my panties, still warm when I got home. AG jumped on me and needless to say, he cummed inside me as well, I took a picture of my dripping pussy which I sent to that guy but with no response, and then I went to sleep. He went to the drug store as soon as it opened to purchase the Plan B, he woke me up, I took the pill and went back to sleep. Now, we had to leave to Wien as one of AG’s clients had a launch party for his business and invited us over with all expenses paid for. We planned to go to our homeland for a month after that, so I texted this guy if he’s up for a blowjob before I leave, again with no response. We partied, we drank and enjoyed the green stuff (not sure if mentioning what it is exactly is allowed here), we had a really good time while in Wien but it was exhausting and was looking forward to go to my homeland and relax. Shortly after I became really tired, many times I fell asleep in the middle of the day from feeling exhausted of doing nothing. Pregnancy went through my mind, but I didn’t took it seriously. My period was late and never came, but I always had issues with the timing of my period, a long time ago it skipped a month without any reason so I just though it was one of these times and didn’t gave it any more thought. The whole month I was in my homeland I refused to take a test, partly because I didn’t wanted to ruin the time spent with my family, partly because I couldn’t accept the reality of the situation. As soon as we came back in the country we live in, I immediately took 2 tests which took literally seconds to show a positive result. My world shattered, I couldn’t believe it was true. I threw the tests in the trash just to find myself later looking for them in the garbage because they were mine to keep. We talked about it and decided to make an appointment with my GP which took about 1 week or so. I and AG thought that guy is the baby father (I literally had his cum inside me for 10-15 at least and yes, it was a lot of it) and all I wanted was to talk to him and inform him about all this. However, AG had a different opinion and thought it’s best if he doesn’t know, saying it’s pointless for him to know if I decide to terminate it and so I decided to keep him out of it. During the examination, my GP said I might be more further into the pregnancy than I thought and scheduled me for an ultrasound with the OB-GYN the next day, informing me that the legal limit to get an abortion is 12 weeks and I am close, if not past that, which then would be legally binding to continue to term. Next day I went to the hospital for my appointment and was asked if I want to see the fetus, I nodded and I think I saw my baby for maybe less than 3 seconds before I lost it and I bursted into tears, when he turned the screen away and I never saw it again. The doctor confirmed I was close to the limit, but asked for a supervisor to come and check on me and give an opinion. They confirmed I was 12w4d and that if I wanted to proceed, it had to happen the next day or it would be too late. They mentioned the baby had a strong beating heart and seems healthy, which broke me into pieces. I was so heartbroken, I think the doctors had pity on me, they showed a lot of compassion afterwards and informed me that if I wish to continue the pregnancy, I just need to give them a call and not show up the next day. I cried the whole day, we weighted all the options, AG was very supportive and said he would be by my side regardless of what I choose, but will never be able to love the baby as his own, after all how could he. I decided to continue with the abortion, sobbing the whole time and and making everyone around me sad, you could see it in their faces they felt sorry for me, regardless if they knew what’s happening or not. They prepped me and showed me to the OR, everyone was so sweet and compassionate, when all I had was fear and regret. I was so devastated, they brought AG to the OR to hold my hand while I was put under to make me feel better and safe - this is absolutely not part of the protocol, neither is general anesthesia! But I am forever grateful for those doctors and the decision they took in order for me to feel better. While I laid there on the table, crying my eyes out all I ever wanted was for my baby to not feel any kind of pain. I was praying they would do another ultrasound and I would get to see it one more time, but they didn’t. I would do anything to see it once more, have the sonogram and hear its beating heart - the hospital which holds this in my record refuses to release it to me, but without any clear reason - maybe that’s just the protocol, maybe they flagged me as a suicide risk for all I know. Everyone around me felt my devastation and regret, but what I do regret after letting go of my baby, is not having the guts to ask for my sonogram right there and then - I guess I though I would look crazy and I was ashamed to ask. After the procedure, all I wished right there and then was that I wouldn’t wake up, not then not ever. The emptiness I felt where my baby used to be was eating me alive, absolutely overwhelming. Ever since I decided to continue on this path I fell into a depression which only got worse as soon as I left the hospital. I cried for days and days until I literally had no more tears left to cry, I had suicidal thought but didn’t had the guts to do it. On top of all of that, my neighbours had a recently born baby, constantly crying. I used to open the window to hear It better and I would just lay and cry my heart out. It’s been almost a year since the procedure and there wasn’t a day I haven’t thought about it. Thing is, I think about that idiot just as much as my baby, he is always on my mind. A few months later, I decided to send him a text on his number, telling him what happened with no response. Months went by, some were better, some were worse. Recently I decided to send him a message on Facebook, because I felt like I didn’t had any more air to breath because of him. I told him everything. All I feel is rage in every bone, all my happiness is gone and I am completely changed, sometime I feel like I have nothing forward to look up to. He completely shut me off since I last saw him that night, no interest whatsoever on how I’m doing, if the pill worked, nothing... radio silence. He deserved to know how his actions impacted me. And I do hate him with all my heart, but all I want from him is to say something, anything. Instead, he blocked me and continued to ignore me, but at least I know he is aware. Somehow, it released a pressure off my chest, but I feel like it is not enough. I was stupid for trusting him, I was stupid to keep seeing him when my gut always told me he is a complete asshole. I just want him off my mind and I don’t know what else I have to do to get some peace. During all this time, AG was very supportive and always gave me time and space, he always encouraged me to talk about it with him if I feel like it and not keep things inside. But how can I tell him that all I think about besides my baby is that complete waste of a human being? This guy complete destroyed my life, but I blame myself for it just as much. I don’t know what else I have to do to get through this. I want to get better, I want to be happy again and enjoy the life I have. This story would be so much longer if I expressed everything I feel and everything that happened. But all these made me stronger in a way, made me wiser. I know my story might be irrelevant to many, but it might help a few who find themselves in a similar situation. Don’t go through this alone, seek help and consider what is best for your own sake first, not the ones around you. If you’ve read my story and came this far, learn from the mistakes I’ve made, consider them and be better.

Just wondering how many have quit swinging due to STD concerns?

Once again thank you all for the sage advice that you have given me over the last two years. I appreciate it and I always take time to read through the boards and learn as much as I can. So let me catch you up on where my wife and I are at now. We are in an open marriage having transitioned from swinging due to the fact of that we were having just no luck finding that elusive four-way match with couples. Single guys in the area around us tend to be plentiful, but single females/unicorns of course still tend to be extremely rare. So we decided to transition to an open marriage and for us to play separately. We still share our experiences regularly and still discuss and communicate thoroughly before and afterwards. My wife currently has a boyfriend that she enjoys time with and she also has a irregular play partner she sees once a month. So today’s discussion is about me: I am currently in a, well I don’t know if I should define it as a “relationship“, with a female that started out originally trying to be a unicorn with us (the wife and I), but that didn’t work out as my wife and her personalities are total opposites. So I decided to try and pursue a relationship just with her as a possible girlfriend. We’ve been seeing each other on and off twice a week for the last couple months before the covid hit and now stay in touch via text and have started to see each other again as of last week. Our relationship if you wanna call it that seems to be taking a change and I don’t quite understand why… before the covid hit we were able to spend time together, be intimate physically, and go out on the occasional lunch or and or dinner date. But lately it seems that each time I am engaging her, she brings up a financial need: last week she needed to get a new pair of shoes, this week she has major work needing to be done on her car. I sent her links as far as where there were some good shoe sales, thinking I would be helpful that way. I gave her recommendations for two mechanics that I trust and thought that would also be helpful as well. But, that doesn’t seem to be good enough. Yesterday she asked me if I thought that my being a good boyfriend meant that I shouldn’t occasionally treat her to nice things. She also mentioned this morning that if I was in a situation where I needed help with my automobile she’d be willing to do what she could financially. But, that doesn’t seem to be good enough. Yesterday she asked me if I thought that my being a good boyfriend meant that I shouldn’t occasionally treat her to nice things. She also mentioned this morning that if I was in a situation where I needed help with my automobile she’d be willing to do what she could financially. So it just seems as if that she’s trying to get our relationship to cross a certain line. Now for the record, I have no problem paying for drinks if we go out, and I don’t mind either going dutch on lunch, or dinner, or one takes care of one, one takes care of the other. So am I wrong in thinking that, making financial supportive moves like giving her money for new shoes, or giving her money towards her car repair, might be too big of a step...? I could see maybe a loan....But when I floated that idea her response was “how about I not loan you any p****y?” and to me, as shocking as that seemed, I was like is this what we’ve done, moved to a “pay for play” situation...? I’m scratching my head trying to wrap my head around this. I mean she has a man, who lives and works out of state. So to me, that means she has a significant other, like i do. So he should be handling those major responsibilities like that. Any advice I’d gladly appreciate. But it seems to me like if we are moving in this direction, it’s time for me to move on, because that’s not what I’m looking for.

My wife and I have been in the swinging lifestyle about a year and a half now and it's been great. We have a friend we've know about a year and after a little encouragement from me and the wife she agreed to play with me. She's not comfortable playing with my wife home yet, so we always plan it when she's out. I think it may be going too far, though. We've gone out to dinner twice, alone, which my wife has told me no more. We talk almost everyday, hike and do stuff like that. I'm afraid this is becoming more than the FWB situation we agreed on.

We've been married for 10 years and are brand new to this lifestyle. After much discussion, my husband and I placed a profile on a swinger's site and found many couples, but narrowed it down to one we really, really clicked with. The husband of the couple and I chatted for many, many hours a day and then brought our spouses into a group chat. We chatted online for a few weeks (all parties individually and as a group) and then decided to meet in person. After a really amazing day and evening with them, we met them again 2 days later and then again 2 days after that. Our days were full of fun, laughter, dinner, and some really hot soft swapping. Unfortunately, something happened along the way, pretty early on, and I fell hard for the husband of the other couple and he fell for me as well. I was completely honest with my husband and immediately told him about my feelings for this person. He was accepting of it and doesn't feel threatened or insecure in any way about it. My husband also told me at that point that he has strong feelings for the wife of the couple, which was also fine with me. The problem is this.....the wife of the other couple has feelings for my husband, but just at a friendship level at this point. When she found out that her husband and I are into this way deeper than the other two, she panicked and now needs time to sort things out. In my head, the fact that he and I developed deep feelings for each other doesn't change anything. I would never leave my husband for anyone and he has said the same. They're just that....feelings. So, my question is...what are we to do? This is so scary to leave this in the hands of one person. I really thought we were all on the same page and moving along very well together, but now we've hit this roadblock. I can only hope it's a temporary one and that the wife will come to realize that I really want nothing from her husband and there's no way I'd ever leave mine. I'm completely happy where I am. I'm of the mindset that people can love more than one person at a time, but I realize that not everyone is like me. Do we just wait for her to make a decision or do we just call it quits? It would be very, very difficult for me to do so, but I don't want anyone to get hurt in this situation.

She fell in love with him. I was happy that she was happy and it was awesome to watch them progress from fucking to making love. I was willing to share her equally with him but he fell in love with her and didn't want her to have sex with me anymore. He wanted to possess her for himself. We're still married. He's gone. She still gets special feelings for men she has awesome experiences with but she is happy to have those special moments and still have the security of being married to me. She respects me for letting her experience other men.

The wife and I are interested in swinging but we have a big concern about STD's. Being more open sounds great but not at the cost of personal health. Any good advice on this topic?

I hate having to post stories like this one, but unfortunately, things like this, however remote and unlikely, can happen. Swinger's ads connected victim and alleged killer The defendant early last year responded to Mr. Williamson’s online ads and set up sexual encounters for his wife, according to Commonwealth’s Attorney James P. Fisher. “My mother was not sexually satisfied with him,” Amber Ellington, 24, testified Thursday about her father. So, Mr. Hayes used “swinger” ads online to find sex partners for his wife, Mrs. Ellington said, recounting an August conversation with her father. “He was gonna . . . make sure it was the right way and she was protected,” Mrs. Ellington said of her parents.

I'm not sure if I want to get involved with a open marriage. I think I would prefer swinging. Do you have any input?

*A note about post- I'm sure something similar has been posted in the past, but I have yet to see it (or remember it) so feel free to answer or just point me to a thread with the information. However, I am looking for your opinions/thoughts on how you might handle this, so comments are appreciated Also, in the nature of anonymity, I won't provide all the details upfront, but can clarify as needed, if asked. So.... We recently found a couple we like on SLS. We have not contacted them yet because we are technically not playing due to my pregnancy, but we are toying with the idea of attending some events to meet people we may be interested in playing with post pregnancy (another thread altogether that will be posted shortly). Anyway, I took a look at their certifications, and they were certified by a couple that DH has seen out socially at a vanilla bar he used to go to pretty frequently. DH knows the owners of said bar and most of the "regulars", so he hears (and I'm sure is the subject of) a fair amount a gossip that gets passed around. Apparently, it is a well known fact that the certifying couple are swingers, and they don't try to hide or deny it. But there is also a rumor going around that they have herpes. I'd like to stress that this is JUST A RUMOR and to my knowledge has never been confirmed or denied by the couple themselves. So, my first thought was "uh oh"... if this couple has played with the couple we might want to play with (or even further- if they are in our "swinging circle") we could be putting ourselves at unexpected risk. However, after mulling it over and discussing it with DH, I decided that was a stupid thought. For one, I'm not saying whether the rumor is true or not, but I think the chances that it was made up by some idiot that thinks all swingers are infected with STI's is pretty high. Secondly, we will never/can never know what kinds of precautions they take/took when playing. Also, we will never know for sure the STI status of everyone we play with, or who they played with. With that being said... the thought of it all still makes me a little uneasy. I'm curious if any of you have been in a situation like this before. How did you handle it? If not, how do you think you would handle it? I believe all swingers put themselves at risk every time they play, no matter what precautions they attempt to take. But does your sense of that risk change if you suspect a couple could be infected with an STI? What if you -knew- (had it confirmed) that a couple played with another that has a STI? Would you still just take precautions and move forward, or would you pull back and search somewhere else?

Hi everyone I have what I believe is kind of a problem. We have had an open marriage for some time but not really very active given life, a child, etc. You get the picture. My husband is a musician, which has entailed going on the road at times, and I have also acknowledged the possibility that he might meet someone and have sex with them, and I'm cool with that. I also am allowed such a option to "date" a man or woman outside of our relationship. However, we had never ever talked about "swinging" with a couple, separately. Earlier this year I was in Las Vegas. While I was gone he "assumed" I must have done something, so he went out to dinner one night and randomly met some couple. Went home with them, fucked the dude's wife, and the only way I found out about it was because his brother had called me because he never showed up to a rehearsal! He had overslept at their place, was a couple of hours late to that rehearsal, etc. When I called him to find out what had happened I got the runaround. Then of course, it all came out when I got home. I was, frankly, livid. The thing is, I don't believe he would have told me as he never expected to get "caught." At that time our marriage was not in a good place and I was really hurt that he would go out and do that, particularly as we had never talked about such a scenario. As far as I was concerned at that time, it was over. Well, on two occasions thereafter, he snuck over to their place to fuck his wife again, and I later found out that the guy sucked his dick at least on one occasion. He snuck back over there on two occasions while I was at work and in the morning. To make a long story short, we finally got our marriage back on track, or so I thought. Prior to that I tried to be open and ask if I could meet them, and initially he said that they would like to meet me. Then he says that well, the guy has porn on all the time he's there, and "I'm a man and I can handle it." WTF? Then he says "you wouldn't like them." WTF? Then he says "I don't want to see you with the guy." So I said, well, then I don't want you with his fucking wife! This is not about sex per se, I have been more than comfortable and cool with it in the past e.g. he recently spent the night with a girl he met on the road who was here on vacation and we all had dinner together and I went home afterwards and he spent the night with her and I was totally fine with it. It is just this particular married couple that is bugging the shit out of me. I have seen as many as 17 to 30 text messages on the bill between them. He told me after we agreed on some kind of "veto power" if necessary, and he has essentially vetoed me, or at least expressed his dislike of the possibility of a certain situation. I am feeling as if my veto has no power, and I have seen their phone number popping up on the cell phone bill. If he had told them it was over, they would not still be contacting him, would they? He has never been really up front with me about these clowns and in the past two weeks it appears that they are texting him again, and it seems as though he is keeping them as some kind of option, and not telling me. I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but now I just don't know what to do. I have dug into my feelings and it is not jealousy. It is the deception and the lies and the sly sneaking around which, even in an open relationship, is still in my opinion cheating. Anyhow, thanks for reading my babble

Hello I should probably start by saying this is something totally new to us and the idea was put to me by my wife, it does pose a few questions! So here goes... Been married for 8 years, wife is very open with discussing how attractive other women are, she is not the jealous time at all, she has suggested that we find a stranger and have a threesome because she likes the idea of sharing another woman with me and having another woman pleasure her as well. To be honest, I'm a little scared and unsure how this sort of thing works! We quiet often stay at hotels just to chill, to get away from our busy lives and she's said that this is the place that we could initiate a threesome. She also said she would prefer to do this before we have children, which to me makes sense and suits us both. My questions are: Is this sort of thing common for wives to want to watch their husband be pleasured by another woman? What are the dangers/risks? Is this something that is tricky to initiate with a stranger at a bar, located at the hotel we will be staying at? Pro's/cons?

Hey guys, We're new to this whole swinging thing and haven't gotten started yet. The one thing that really bugs me is safety! Obviously condoms for intercourse are a given. I read an article the other day about how rampant mouth/throat cancer has become because of HPV transmitted through oral sex. Oral sex with condoms is just about worse than no oral sex at all! Don't know what to do... how do you all handle safety?! Thanks!

I've set this up as an anonymous poll ... we've touched on this subject a lot, but what I'd really like to know is, have you contacted an STD (NOT a yeast infection, or something that can happen if you're swinging or not) from swinging activities? Some people think that the risks are low; others feel they are high. I just want to know how many folks have had to deal with an STD because of choices. I bet other folks would like to know, too

How do you assess std risk? (And for those of you who would say use common sense, how about going into exactly what that means for those of us that don't have any.) I've asked a number of people, and some of the answers I have gotten thus far have been: "You look at how they are dress, and act." "You take into consideration where did you find them at [bar, online, through a friend, etc.]" "You just know." "You ask them how many partners they have been with. If they've been more than what I can count on my hands, and feet, then that's too many." "If she smells down there, there's probably something wrong with it."

How would you feel about an online std risk assessment that quantifies sexual risk as the means of better managing it? My idea is for such an assessment that does so by summarizing results in terms of what I call an "x-factor" metric, which is the absolute maximum number of sex partners you may have, under a given set of conditions, before it is statistically inevitable that you have become infected. So let's say the risk of you becoming infected is 1%, under a given set of conditions, and you have already had sex with 10 people under said conditions, then your "x-factor" would be 90. That is, the absolute maximum number of partners you could have based on the choices you have made, and continue to make, would be 90 before becoming infected would be statistically inevitable. Using this "x-factor" metric you could more clearly see how certain choices impact your ability to swing safely, making trade-offs where needed as part of a safer sex strategy. Perhaps you don't care to use condoms, which would increase risk, but are willing to abstain from anal sex, which would decrease risk, or maybe you aren't willing to abstain from anal sex, but you insist all partners are tested first. Whatever the case is, you could then see how making one set of choices over another set affects your overall risk, thereby making yourself more able to effectively negotiate safer sex by knowing what is, and is not an acceptable risk, and why. So back to my original question: How do you feel about online std risk assessments in general, and how do you feel about the idea for this one in particular? Would you use it?

Hi, guys. Long-time lurker, first-time poster. My wife and I have shared a long-time fantasy involving her blowing a room full of guys. Until recently, this was nothing more than a fantasy we would share in the "heat of the moment." But recently, we decided to turn this fantasy into a reality. We recruited a bunch of single guys from a popular swinger's web site, picked a date, and planned to book a hotel room. However...the closer we got to this date, the colder our feet became. So we contacted all the guys to let them know the "event" has been put on hold. The issue for us is the threat of contracting some nasty STD. We've done extensive reading on the subject, and every legitimate site advises you to never have oral sex without a condom, dental dam, etc.. But let's face it -- they HAVE to give you that advice. Of course there is a risk of contracting an STD through oral sex, and to advise someone to have unprotected oral sex would be considered reckless. But realistically, no one wants to use a condom or dental dam for oral sex. (It would ruin our fantasy, frankly.) No couple we have ever been with has used protection for oral sex. And no one really knows the risk factors involved in having unprotected oral sex (because most people don't limit their exposure to only oral sex.) In reality, some STD's can (and are) transmitted through kissing, hot tubs and even skin-to-skin contact. And statistics show that more than half the people in the US over age 21 have some form of STD. Some STD's don't show up in testing, and others don't reveal themselves through symptoms for weeks, months or even years (if ever.) So most people with STD's don't even know they have them! We've also read that when performing unprotected oral sex, it is safest to either swallow the cum immediately (letting the stomach acid kill the bacteria) or spit it out immediately. Either way, you are risking exposure to STD's through the exchange of bodily fluids and the thin membranes in the mouth and throat. So, whether you spit, swallow or stop before it gets to the point, you are equally at risk. The thing is, as swingers, she has sucked several dicks without protection. Were they safer because they were married dicks? Are married guys safer than single guys? If a married guy's wife sucked a dozen dicks the week before you met them, wouldn't having sex with her be just as risky as sucking a dozen dicks yourself? I guess my question is: is there any more risk in blowing a room full of single guys than having sex with a married couple who may have had unprotected sex with dozens of others prior to meeting you? Is there a "safe way" to fulfill this fantasy of ours? Or are some fantasies better left as fantasies? You all give great opinions here, and we value your advice. Thanks in advance.