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My wife isn't into oral in general, she'd rather use her hand or feet. Would her not performing oral or no wanting oral on herself an issue for getting into the LS community?

Hi everyone. Just joined this board but my wife and I have been swinging for about a year now and have met mostly with couples and single men. From the beginning this was my wife’s idea and she had to really work on me to get me to try it but once we did we started to have fun. We created ground rules where we would always have to be present in a swinging situation, condoms would always be used, and we wouldn’t do this solo or behind the others back. That worked for us for a while but this week I found out she had broke that rule. She had a fantasy of being dominated by a man and was a member of a fetish site that dealt with that. She met a guy on there and they started chatting. I’m fine with her chatting to whoever and exchanging pics etc but it got to the point where she was interested in meeting this guy solo. She didn’t want me there if she was going to be tied up and dominated and all that. Made sense to me. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable with her going to a stranger's house and being tied up, etc. It’s dangerous and dumb and if she really wanted to try this she would have to make me comfortable first by letting me meet the guy and watch the first time and see how I felt after that. I was very adamant about that and she had asked me on a few occasions and I always gave her the same answer. Well after a bottle of wine and two weeks after it happened she tells me she went to this guy's house after work and he told her to get on her knees and did all this stuff to her. Then tied her up in the bed and used vibrators and some anal hook? Then ended by having sex with her. Don’t really know how to handle this and looking for some advice. She says that she messed up and apologized but I feel she made a dumb and dangerous choice and was unfaithful as well. What are your thoughts? Thanks.

1) Don’t be lecherous. 2) There are a zillion single guys out there. Make yourself stand out from the crowd in your profile. Have a complete and well thought-out profile, not just one-sentence answers to the essay questions. Don't get to into the sex acts themselves, tell what you have to bring to the table beside a great tongue and a huge cock. Virtually every profile goes on and on about how they love to give and receive oral. Not original. Be different. Keep it PG-rated and upscale. Also, write your profile in a word processing program and grammar and spell check it, then cut and paste. A quickly written, misspelled, profile with poor grammar says allot about your commitment to the whole deal. Quickly written profiles look like some guy threw it up on Wednesday night because he came across the site while looking at porn, he was über-horny and was hoping to find a couple to get with by Friday. 3) Some are turned-on by cock size and cock shots. Most couples are not. Don't list the size of your dick in your profile. Put a G or PG photo in your profile, head and full body. If a couple is really into the size thing they'll ask you. Otherwise assume that whatever your cock size is, is just fine if they like everything else about you. I think this is a common misconception for single guys wanting to get into the swinging world. They think all that counts is their dick, and couples must be looking for a bigger one then hubby has. Sometimes true, mostly not. Browse some couple profiles and only infrequently will you find the size of the husband's cock listed. Take this as your cue. In most cases its not the cock, it’s the person it’s attached to we’re interested in. 4) Be a paid member of a site. Free members go back the über-horny guy trying to get laid by the weekend. The way we see it, if you are willing to drop the cash to be a paid member, on the remote chance you'll get lucky, you are more serious about pursuing the lifestyle and thus have a better chance with us. 5) Don't mass email a bunch of couples. Yes, we know each other and we compare notes. Before we answer an email from a single male we check with some friends and see if they got an email from him too. If they did, "Sorry, not interested” is the reply. It shows that we weren't special and all the crap about the Mrs. being sexy and hot was just a line of hooky spewed by a horny guy at 1:00 AM. 6) Speaking of that, I would rather see an email from a single guy saying something like "you are an attractive couple and I'd like to get to know you" rather than "she is so hot, I'd like to get with you guys." When I see that I think to myself, “Thanks, I think my wife is hot, too, but I'm not her pimp. I’m as much a part of this as she is. You are not “getting” with my wife, you are “getting” with us.” Once again, “Sorry, no thanks”. 7) Be respectful. It amazes me the stuff a guy will say to us (meaning Mrs. WS) because we are swingers. Stuff he’d never say to a single girl he was trying to pick-up because he’d get shot down if he did. So why does he think it will work with my wife? Yes, we’re in this for sexual fun, but she is my wife, I am her husband. Treat her, and I, with the respect we and our relationship deserve and you might just have the time of your life. 8) Understand your role in the big scheme of things. As much as your fantasy is to get kinky with a couple, their fantasy is a threesome with another male. You are helping them fulfill their fantasies, and in turn they’ll help you fulfill yours. 9) Find the swinger parties in your area and attend them. Not just the naked parties, but meet and greets where nothing is going on but talking. This is one of the best ways to get in. Just be charming and not pushy. We know you want to get laid and we can help you with that if we like you. 10) If you happen to hit it off with a couple, offer to pay at least ½ of the hotel room. It’s always appreciated. Some more rules... Don't sit at the bar all night and not approach a couple and expect to swing with them later in the evening Do approach a couple and introduce yourself early. A sincere compliment to the female goes a long way. (You may get shot down but nothing ventured nothing gained). Don't expect too much on your first meeting with a couple. We meet a single guy who made a sincere compliment to my wife. We wouldn't consider sharing a room on that first meeting but after a second meeting who knows. Do find common interest with the couple. no matter how much of a stud you are people find other people who have similar interest fun to be with. Do be honest and frank (not crude) about what your looking for sexually. We're there for a reason an so are you; were not expecting a choir boy at a swingers club. Just because I smile and say hello, does NOT mean "take me, take me, take me! I want your hot love muscle right now!" When I say "No, thank you" in front of my husband, DO NOT assume I am then going to jump you and f#*k your brains out the minute hubby leaves the general vicinity! NO MEANS NO!!!! On a date, at a dance club, at the grocery store, at a party, OR in a swinger's club! Just because I may occasionally play with someone besides my husband SURE AS HELL does not mean I WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU! My body is MINE! DO NOT touch it unless I tell you it's okay to. If, after both my husband and I getting to know you, we decide to include you in OUR sexual play activities, REALIZE this is an extremely RARE PRIVILEGE! And treat it as such! Show us BOTH respect! If we DO decide to play with you, and you do not treat it as the privilege it is, but instead talk about it to everyone else you know, TRUST ME, we will be your LAST swinging partners. No one likes guys who kiss & tell! If, on the other hand, we decide to play with you, and you are every bit as mature and respectful as we hope, and we all have a wonderful time, you can probably look forward to many more good times ahead! Don't think because I have played with you before that you have the right to play with me every time we see each other. Don't flatter yourself. You may not have been that good. Just because I talk to you or dance with you doesn't give you the right to fondle me or touch me or kiss me. Ask first. Be a gentleman. If I invite you to play with me either alone or with myself and my partner, do not think you will be running the show. We play on my terms, by my rules; or we don't play. Use condoms all the time! Or we don't play, no matter how cute or sexy you are! Do not approach only my wife, we are a couple, and since I have final say on who I share her with, it's best to approach me first. Do not tell my wife that you can give her something she has never had before...it can't be done. Do not be possessive with my wife...don't touch, kiss, or fondle her unless she says it's okay to do so. Don't be pushy, we will let you know if we are interested in inviting you to play with us. (Begging is so unattractive, don't you think). Remember she is MY WIFE, not a single female and we are a couple, show respect and be a gentleman. The single male should be polite. - Be able to engage in small-talk with your "date(s)". If it's a couple, the small-talk should include the male as well as the female and her breasts. You have to impress two people in that case. Hold the door open for them if you enter someplace at the same time. If you're sitting down when you meet them, stand up and introduce yourself with a firm handshake. Don't stare lasciviously at the female (and/or male) upon first meeting. You can be flirty, but don't be crude. Take the rules your mother taught you -- or should've taught you -- and apply them very generously. The single male should be clean. - Shower before a potential meeting. Use deodorant. Smell good but not overpowering. Make sure the nose and ear-hairs -- and other areas if necessary or desired -- are trimmed. Have the hair washed and clean and in an attractive style for you. If you're bald and/or balding, make sure things look good in that area (although I've heard that some women prefer a day or two's growth if they get a dome-ride). The single male should dress appropriately for the occasion. - Gauge the situation and dress appropriately. If you're invited to a swing biker rally or a swinger nudist resort, then dress down or not at all. If you go to a club -- outside of theme nights -- dress to the high-end of the local standard. If you look better than the local competition, then that's a plus. If there's a theme night, it's best to at least meet the theme halfway...it shows that you're a good sport. Women focus on shoes...unless you're in costume and it requires something different, make sure your shoes are at least in presentable condition, if not polished to a high gloss. The single male should live up to his promises. - If you commit to meeting the swinging couple or single female, then make sure you are there on time. If you have promised the amazing tongue or the long-lasting boner and/or the big cock and/or the special technique, then you better come through with any or all of those. You might get a second-chance with some folks, but word gets around... I'm a single male, how can I get involved in the lifestyle? With Luck. As a single male, if you do manage to get involved in the lifestyle then it is a privilege and requires the utmost in discretion. There are couples out there who are looking for single males, those are the ads you should answer. Don't answer ads that aren't looking for single males. If you are good-looking, clean, honest & discrete you will have the best chance. Something else that will help you is if you can get a girlfriend that is willing to swing with you, then you would be a couple. Many couples look at it as "if he can't even get a girlfriend, why would we want him?" There are couples out there that are looking for single men. Guys that are open and honest and not just out looking for an easy lay will have the best chance at being accepted by these couples. I suggest that if you really want to get involved in the lifestyle you try contacting couples in your area that are seeking single men, and let them know that you are interested. There are many tips throughout the Swingers Board to help you in how to respond to an ad as well as in placing your own. However you will probably have a much better chance by responding to other people's ads. There are many sites out there with swingers personals and you should check out the various ones as different people place ads on different ones. You can find a list of many of them on the Swingers Board links page. You should also check the club listings for swinger clubs in your area that accept single males. Please do not consider trying to get into the swinging lifestyle if you think this will be an easy way for you to get laid. That is not what this is about. This is about couples enjoying their sexual fantasies with other people that can not be acted out with just the two of them. Since there are many couples that desire MFM 3-somes or where the husband enjoys seeing his wife with another male there is a place for single males in this lifestyle, as long as the single male in question realizes what it is.

I'm new to swinging but my boyfriend has been in the lifestyle for many years. He has a group of friends that's in the lifestyle but he had never played with them. We all had plans to go to a club and then back to a house to play, this was going to be my first experience. Me and my partner had agreed to only soft play as I was on my period (he showed me the text where he told everyone we would only be soft playing) so we decided to take E which he can not get hard on (he only can when it's just me and him privately) One of the guys approached me for sex and I didn't say no, we had sex twice that night with my partner watching both times. He was not able to have sex with any one because of the drug. When we got home we were able to have sex for hours. The next night we went to a club and I made out with a girl multiple times with him there but him not joining in. We had a quick session in club just me and him and then continued at home just us the rest of the night. I knew the weekend didn't go how he had hoped as he didn't not get to fully play with others. For weeks after he'd randomly mention that I "sabotaged" him that night by us taking E. Well it all came to blows the other night when he told me how upset he was that I broke our agreement to soft play only and by me having sex with somebody made him look like cuckold, which his is by no means, he's extremely dominant. And then told me how upset he was about me making out with the girl at the club because I was ignoring him. He said he had been casually bringing it up the past few weeks in hopes that I would figure out what I had did wrong and apologize. I got very defensive and tried to defend my actions, because Id never do anything to purposefuly hurt him and as it turns out the order of how things happened in my mind is not the order they actually happened. He told me that in 20 years of swinging he's never been made to feel like that and he's not sure if he even wants to anymore. I'm upset with myself because it never dawned on me that I had broken our soft play agreement or that making out with a girl in front of him would be rude. I'm struggling to understand why I didn't stop things at the after-party (I wasn't even attracted to the guy) and with hurting him so much. He said he knows I didn't intentionally set out to hurt him, but I know now my actions did and I don't know how to process all of this or understand why it never occurred to me that I had broken our agreement and that my actions at the club were rude and made him feel left out

We know a couple who we have been friends with and recently found out they are into the lifestyle. But they have a rule that she doesn't swallow. My wife likes swallowing and it helps to turn her on. We haven't played with this couple, but my wife is not really interested already knowing that they have this rule. We realize swallowing is intimate, but that's what makes it a turn on for both of us. I love to see her swallow another man's cum. We don't play with random couples we don't know, but when we do, we like to be able to have the wives swallow the other man's cum or snowball it. Is this a common rule, or is it situational?

We are not new to swinging but the other night brought to us a situation I never expected. We went to a club this past weekend and I thought we had a blast. While there he hooked up with the wife of a couple we knew pretty well. She doesn't play with women and I understand that. Long story short the two of them went off and had their moment. I have no problems with the events of the night at all. I do have a problem with the fact that he promised to make sure I had mine that evening as well. That was the agreement. He is totally ignoring me. Won't engage or touch me sensually or sexually at all. He actually being distant and mean. I'm worried something happened. I don't like this feeling. He's never made me feel this way before. He's breaking our number one rule of communication. I'm dying inside and feel so betrayed.

Ok...the situation is this... Mr. Hitch and I are dancing and we get approached by a couple. Chemistry is there, we all decide we want to play together. How do people discuss boundaries? Anyone want to write a short script or tell me how you personally discuss your boundaries with a new couple? Thanks! BTW, this site is amazing. I've spent the last week researching the past topics and reading the manual. Discussion with Mr Hitch has been open, honest, and thrilling really. You all rock.

So one of the Cardinal Rules of Swinging is "no means no". But at a club, or in any type of open play environment, from some people's accounts what they felt was a clear "No" was sometimes still subject to interpretation by the receiver. Let's say you are playing and someone is trying to join in, and you say no. Does that mean they should clear the area far enough to where they aren't in your bubble any more, or since it's a public play area, do they have the right to sit just far enough away to not be actually touching you but they are still focused entirely on you? What about if they are doing that and masturbating too? So, what does "No" mean to you - "no, I don't want physical contact with you" or "no, I don't want to be an object of gratification for you even without physical contact"? Have you ever encountered this before? How did you handle it?

For a long time, both of us decided it might have been a bit too much when we first started. But lately I have been fantasizing about watching her take a load, swallowing most of it, but leaving something to play with. Would you, or does anyone already do it??

There is a lot of talk about what couples expect out of singles. I'd like to hear what singles expect (or need) out of couples? Male or Female, singles what things do couples do that make you feel less than comfortable? How do you want to be treated vs how you generally are treated?

We are 40-somethings, less than six months into the lifestyle. But we've played plenty in that time. Met a couple a a party last weekend. 50-somethings, and plenty experienced. We got to talking and touching in the pool. While Mrs. DontStop and the male continued pool play, I led the female upstairs. Since it was obvious from the underwater action she was ready to mount me right there, I told as we headed up that we play safe. She said ok, but her husband didn't have any condoms. We played upstairs and later they joined us. After some time he was ready to mount Mrs and we stopped him and said "You gotta wrap it first." He didn't say much after that, and within in a few minutes he said he was taking a break and left the room, and us in a FMF situation. Did we fail here, not expressing safe play to him ahead of time?

I thought it would be interesting to discuss people's thoughts on STD testing. Do you require it of your play partners? If a play partner asked you to produce a test would you do so? For us, we typically play in club settings, I've just never been a big fan of the "setup" and feeling like we are going out of our way to make something happen (it just feels contrived). Even in the dating world the idea of having to make great efforts to have sex rarely turned me on. I can recall one time where we planned ahead to get a hotel room for sex. That said, I can't see asking someone in a club setting to produce an STD test (I'm just guessing that like us most people don't carry them around in their wallet). Add to that that I don't find much validity in an STD test, all things considered... 1. They don't test for EVERYTHING, no matter what. 2. Even if you ask them to throw in all the extras, many STDs don't show up right away. 3. There is always going to be a time lapse between the time the test was done and when you see it and there is no way of knowing what happened in that time.

Situation. Have not been swinging in a long time. Thinking about maybe getting into again. Not sure. I have a new rule that has been broken plenty. I plan on being firm this time. The rule is condoms only!! Of course 2 days later, my husband sees someone he may be interested by just a partial pic. I don't think we would get along just be the profile. Anyway, They have not sent a pic, but sure send a long drawn out novel about how the female is allergic to condoms and rather would require bloodwork for all four. My husband was like, sure no problem. I am like I don't fricking think so. I am all for the blood work. I am clean as I just got "premium life insurance" so I want to stay that way!! My husband is like oh we would all be exclusive. Yeah right, people lie. I said I don't do anything anymore without condoms. Keep in mind it is all this drama and we havn't even seen pictures YET. My husband is acting like he hasn't had any in forever. So anyway. Please tell me that there are other people are on my side. Thanks