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Showing results for tags 'rules and boundaries'.
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This particular thread Bareback Swingers made us curious about how common bareback sex is among those of us on the Board. The following is a poll we saw on a Yahoo! group earlier this year. We are looking forward to reading your feedback.
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Hello everyone, Me and my wife are new to the lifestyle and so far we've only met 3 couples. We have a few rules/boundaries and one of them is that we only do a full swap and have sex if we both have sex. I suffer from ED which I've started getting treatment for which is helping, but before we even went into the lifestyle I felt my penis might not get hard so we added this rule to kind of take the pressure off if I couldn't perform. So with experience 1 as expected I didn't get hard at all but enjoyed giving oral and watching my wife give and receive oral, experience 2 was same again. No problems so far and after both these experiences the sex with my wife has been incredible and my favourite part of all this. Couple no3 is where things for me at least went wrong. So we met up for dinner at our place and we got on great and everything was going perfectly and the wine was flowing. First problem is I drank too much, I wasn't drunk but I was closer to drunk than sober. We started playing a game to break the ice and started with the kissing and oral, as before my penis isn't getting hard at all but I just focus on the other wife and use my mouth and hands. I'm not sure how much time had passed but this is where the second problem comes in my wife stops everyone and asks me if it is ok if she has sex. I wasn't thinking clearly due to the alcohol and said yes. She had sex (with condom) with him and I watched it and when the guy finished we all stopped and that was it. The day after I felt incredibly conflicted and I explained all this to my wife and how I feel like she should of asked me in private if she could have sex and how we had a rule about only having sex if we both did. I know I shouldn't have drunk so much to keep my mind clear. I've told my wife I need to step back and take a break from everything and she is fine with it. I'm not angry with my wife or upset, we both made mistakes I just feel disappointed with myself more than anything. Has anyone else had experiences like this and how do you avoid things like this?? Any advice would be great.
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From what is posted and discussed here, probably the second most frequent rule couples have in swinging is "no anal." Some do not give an explanation, other say it is special and saved for just between themselves. Why is that? Considering anal sex as something sacred seems contrary to what girls said and did growing up. For girls in my junior high and high school letting a guy put his dick in your bum and cum was considered "third base" stuff, like oral. The reasons some girls did anal was because they either didn't like oral at all or didn't like a guy cumming in their mouth, a few girls liked it because they were able to orgasm that way, and some because their bf just wanted it. It also had the advantage of being a means of contraception at an age when getting on birth control was not easy. To hubby and me anal is nothing special; in fact, I have never done it with him. I have done it with other guys because they asked, but the only time it gets me even close to orgasm is when the guy in my bum is also playing with my clit. The after effects are that Mr. Anal Man keeps the antibacterial soap companies secure in business, I need another fresh guy (that is my hubby) to give me vaginal sex so I can cum, and there is that frothy mix squishing out. (Yes, it was what happened last night that got me to thinking.) So to us it is the most detached and least special of sex acts. Your thoughts. -
We started out in this lifestyle very slowly. In fact we had a TON of rules in the very beginning: no full swap no oral no kissing only play together no hall passes Well, it was only a matter of months until all those flew out the window... except the last one. We still mostly play in the same room, which is our preference, but we occasionally play in different rooms if we really like and trust the other couple and it is their preference. With that said, we never do "hall passes" and feel strongly that we never will and never should. NOT putting a judgement on others that do it, but we just don't think it is for us. We have two close couple friends who both do hall passes and we've seen some pretty negative consequences (at least in our opinion) with how it has affected their relationship. We also have some non-close friends who do it who say it works fine for them. So, in addition to the "YES / NO" poll on "Do you do hall passes", we're also curious: When did you start doing hall passes? Did you ever have a rule against them that you broke? were you both 100% on same page with them or was one partner more in favor? if you don't do the hall pass, why? Do you ever think you will? what good and bad hall pass stories have YOU had? Can't wait to hear your thoughts!!! -
My wife and I starting playing unexpectedly with some close friends who are a couple about 4 years ago. It was a random thing that happened one night. After the initial encounter I sat my wife down and discussed rules, expectations, dynamic, etc. We agreed we would be soft swap, anything was ok except we only fuck each other and only play with both present. I suggested we discuss what we talked about with the other couple. My wife didn't want to do that. She was ok with us being aware and having our rules. I reluctantly agreed. Many encounters later all is good. The dynamic has been when the wives are ready to play we play. I've wanted to be a little more proactive and actually plan play dates, figuring the anticipation would be great, we could have some sexy discussion, and we could communicate more openly with the other couple. I've always been shit down saying the spontaneous nature was working fine. This last weekend we got together and I found myself with the other wife straddling me asking if she could fuck me. My wife chimed in and said it was ok if she could fuck the other husband. I said no, nope, no we have rules and this breaks them. We had discussed that rules can change but not in the heat of the moment. I know without a doubt my wife does not want me fucking anyone else, and she definitely does not want to fuck the other husband. She's fine playing with him but not all the way. I knew she would regret it. We moved on and had a good night. The next morning my wife was so appreciative of me sticking to the rules. The other couple though were confused. I had to explain to the other wife we have rules. She was cool with that, but maybe my wife and I should revisit the rules. I asked my wife if she wanted to augment the rules. She said no she was good. We are strictly soft swap. I'm cool with that. I asked to have an open discussion with the other couple. I asked both my wife and the other wife. They said they wanted to keep it like it was. The ladies initiate, guys follow suit. I suggested that we plan more it could be fun and open more communication, more fun I was shot down again. I was told to not overthink things. That everything is fine. Am I overthinking things? Am I always going to be the rules enforcer? How do I work at more planning because that's something I want with out sounding crazy and over thinking?
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Need some advice what I should do. My wife Claire and I, have played with another couple, who I will call Tony and Tanya over a year now. During that time we have gotten together probably close to ten times. We all enjoy each others company and get along remarkably well. The sex is fantastic and we always play together, same room. No jealousies, just good clean fun. We decided to take a little trip together, and that's were my dilemma comes in. We stayed together at a timeshare. It was a good time until the second last morning. It was real early in the morning around 5am, and I unexpectedly woke up. Claire was not beside me or in the room, but she was usually an early riser. I thought I heard some noises out in the living room so I thought I might go out and say morning to her. I walked into the hallway to see Claire giving a blowjob to Tony on the living room couch. I was a bit surprised to say the least. I have seen her blow and fuck him many times, and enjoyed watching it, but their encounters was always with me there. Watching this with me not knowing beforehand gave me mixed emotions. A bit of me felt this was like cheating. They were not aware I was there as I was still mostly looking around the corner. What made me even more unsettled was seeing some of Claire's actions. I could hear her do some dirty talk, saying to him how much she loved his cock, having it in her pussy, etc. In all the times together, I have not heard her do dirty talk to him. I guess she must have felt less inhibited with the spouses not around. Not sure. The final thing that has gotten me thinking was his climax. I could hear him say to Claire he was going to cum. Usually that would be her cue to take it out of her mouth and let him finish on her tits. She has never liked the taste or texture of cum in her mouth. In all the years we have been married ( over 10 years), I have finished in her mouth probably less than 5 times. Those times if I recall was on special occasions and took lots of pleading, lol. Well, after he told her he was going to blow, she just kept sucking. He blew his load in her mouth and she squeezed and swallowed every last drop. I have to to admit to some jealousy seeing this. I went back to the room and waited for her to come back. I wasn't sure how I would react when she came back. She came back about 5 minutes later. She was a little surprised I was awake, but I asked her where she went. She said she was out doing some stretching when Tony came out. They started chatting and then she admitted one thing led to another and then they had oral sex. I guess I missed the part when he ate her out. She asked if I was upset since I wasn't there, but she said she didn't mean for it to happen and that she thought I was asleep at the time. I told her it was ok, as long as she enjoyed it. But that's not entirely true, i am still trying to process everything. The four of us played again that night. The sex with Tanya was great, but the whole incident that morning was still in the back of my mind. So the question is whether I should confront Claire with what I saw and heard or just let it be? On one hand, I want to know she has to say, but I don't what this to blowup over something that might be insignificant and ruin our relationship with our playmates. We have had a great time so far, and it is hard finding a couple so compatible. Tanya is hot as hell, and I will be disappointed if wont be able to play with her again. Tony is a good guy too, and we have hung out together over beers. -
Just when I thought I had it figured out, I get myself into a situation that changes my previous thinking. Sunbuckus previously posted a thread here about what is cheating and what is cuckolding and I responded. Well, I may have to change that response, as I encountered a situation that is very similar to the hypothetical situation posed by Sun. I have a single friend with benefits who was introduced to my husband and me through another swinger friend. We played with him twice in a mmf situation but my husband wasn't really into because the friend is not bi. But Mr. A lets me play with him separately if I want and because Mr. A has been away a lot on business the past half a year, I play with the friend...a lot. Although Mr. A never asked, I always let him know ahead of time if I am going to swing without him, whether it's with this friend or with someone else. So Mr. A left town on Saturday, and on Sunday I ran into the friend at Bed Bath and Beyond, of all places. Cutting to the chase, I really missed having sex with the friend that he came home with me (a short 5 min drive) and we had some amazing sex, and in my delirium, I let the friend play without a condom and cum inside me. Everything was so spontaneous, and I felt really bad that I didn't tell Mr. A beforehand, although he has said I can go play with the friend anytime. So I called Mr. A that night and told him everything (he was out of town for business again) . To my relief, Mr. A wasn't angry or upset at all. In fact, he said he was turned on and wanted to watch our next session in person. Even though we do a lot of cuckold roleplay, this surprised me. So now I still feel guilty about that spontaneous get-together even though Mr. A was not upset. A girl just can't win. I don't know if it's cheating in this situation? What do you all think? I am relieved but can't get over my own guilt. And I can't get over that it'd feel very weird for me to have Mr. A in the same room watching the friend and I do our thing. We have been in countless cuckold fantasies but this one just feels different. I am scared how Mr. A would react to it all, since this is not a fantasy he plans out. I told the friend that my husband wants to watch and he's fine with it, so I am the only one having second thoughts. Am I overthinking this? -
Maybe one of these days I'll feel like we have enough experience to give advice. All I have lately are questions after questions. What a journey the last 9 months or so have been for us. We went from just being voyeurs, to a little bit of exhibitionism, to soft swinging in the first few months. All seemed to be going pretty well. Then last winter, after the Mr. had a not-so-good experience seeing me with someone else, we took a step back and stayed there until recently. At the beginning of the summer we met a couple that we've really clicked with. It's awesome being with them and are all enjoying it--just soft swinging, but lots of fun, really hot--like I said, we've all just clicked. We'll be seeing them again this weekend. Lots of flirty emails flying back and forth and it's heating up fast. Really fast! Beyond our initial boundary-setting talk, we haven't discussed full swap, but it seems pretty clear to us that is where they'd like to take it if and when we are ready. That's where I need help. A few weeks ago, I posted a question about emotions after swinging I think everyone assumed it was me that was dealing with the emotional swings, but it isn't. It is Mr. EnjoyingLife. From the whole experience, I personally get that feeling of exhilaration (among other positive effects) that so many describe. He's as turned on by the thought and leading up to each experience as the rest of us, he enjoys the actual experience as much as anyone else. The problem is always the next few days after each experience. Swinging and just being around the lifestyle has had so many positives for us, but him seeing me with another man isn't one of them for him. In fact, he doesn't really care for it. He claims that at the worst it is just mildly uncomfortable, and as long as he is preoccupied with the other wife it isn't even that. But by the next day it bothers him some. Sometimes he'll say things like "I saw you do X, you've never done that with me." Jealousy maybe? He says no, but I don't know what else it would be. He also says he feels some guilt about how turned on he gets with another woman...he says he made a lifelong commitment to me and if he were being true to that commitment he doesn't think he should get that turned on. It doesn't matter how much I reassure him that I understand and actually ENJOY seeing him having a good time, his feelings are his feelings. So anyways, in the few days after the experience he deals with what he describes as some sadness over the thought of me with someone else and some guilt about being with someone other than me. Then, the next thing you know that is all gone and he's back to anticipating the next experience as much as the rest of us are. So, here we are about to see them again (the couple we click with), and Mr. EnjoyingLife keeps bringing up full swapping to me. He knows that I would, that I could, that I would even like to in the heat of the moment...but that I don't need it and that I'm perfectly happy where we are and would happily remain soft swingers indefinitely. Soft swinging is all about foreplay after all, and women love foreplay! But again, he keeps talking about it and saying how much fun it would be for him. So I remind him that it can't be just one way like that (just him and the other wife), that before he does that he needs to be absolutely certain that he is okay with all four of us full swapping, because if he and the other wife do it will be expected that the other husband and I do too. And when I remind him of that, he comes back to reality and says that no, he doesn't want me with another man like that. Can anyone help me understand what is going on here? It seems pretty clear to me that full swapping is probably not the best move for our relationship right now, so I'm planning to at least try to get him to wait for a while longer. Maybe with a few more good soft swinging experiences his emotional swings about it all will smooth out? I just really need some other perspectives here. Thanks!
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Sorry for the massive wall of text.... Background-Wife and I have been together for 10 years. Very healthy, monogamous sex life. She's had boyfriends before me, all positive monogamous relations for the most part. I never had any real sexual relationships before her...just one night stands. Dated a girl for a really long time, but never had the sex part, young virgins. Most of my sexual experiences were short lived and not very good. Current situation-Wife and I really got into the idea of sharing her. Pillow talk, fantasy exploration, watching porn, playing with toys all helped inspire the conversation. We talked about another guy, gangbangs, hotwife, maybe even cuckold type stuff. I figured out though, that I had unconsciously projected myself onto the "bull". I thought I wanted to see her with other guy(s), but I actually wanted to be the bull. We also realized that we both have some very strong bi-sexual curiosities. I've always had them, but they've grown very strong. Her's are more new found. We decided three things/rules. 1. Our first dive into the lifestyle would be a very soft swap with another couple. Any exploration is done together as a couple...no solo play. 2. Any bi play would be just the ladies...she's not ready to see me with guy, fine with me. Guys still in room watching/helping the girls...again... no solo play. 3. The guys stay with their girls...no trading. I'm nowhere near ready to see her with another dude. So....we had another couple over the other night for drinks and dinner. We've hung with them several times in the past and maintained a positive, platonic relationship with them. Friends. We knew the female half had dabbled in bi-sexuality before, but we had zero intentions of hooking up with this couple. Like I said....friends. After dinner, we retire to the basement. We're all really drunk, especially my wife. Pretty sure the boyfriend was imbibing in other substances. Twice I caught the girls fooling around. First time I went upstairs to get some ice after they went back upstairs to clean up a little and they were making out. The wife asked me what she should do...I told her to do whatever feels right, but to remember the rules. Also gave her a really deep kiss and showed her how hard I was. Second time was about an hour later...me and the boyfriend were outside smoking and I noticed the girls were gone, again. Go inside, bedroom door is locked, both girls come to the door...wife is naked from waist down and they're both out of breath. Me and wife go into the bathroom...she's upset, telling me the girlfriend basically forced herself on her...but the wife didn't want to her to stop. I'm not sure what to think or feel at this point. I'm really pissed because the wife broke the first rule (see above), but I'm also really turned on. I tell the wife she has to ask them to leave...it's just way too much for me to process. They must have heard us and they were already halfway out the door by the time we got out of the bathroom. Boyfriend didn't say anything or look at me. Girlfriend sheepishly looked at my wife, had a very guilty sad look on her face Wife and I argued about what happened for awhile and ended up fucking. She came, I didn't...whiskey dick...but it was still good. Next morning we evaluate the events and the more we think/talk about it...the more we think this couple had planned on doing this the whole time. We already knew the girlfriend unsuccessfully tried fool around with another mutual female friend of ours awhile back. The girlfriend kept feeding my wife drinks all night and it seemed like the boyfriend was going out his way to keep me occupied/distracted with conversation and loud music. I asked him if knew what was going on between the girls...he didn't say yes or no, but he did say he it didn't really bother him. That's when I said it bothered me and went inside to find a locked bedroom door. They never once made their intentions clear to us. We both felt like we were manipulated/taken advantage of...me especially. Felt like I got played, on the outside looking in. The whole scene really sucked and I guarantee we will never see them again. Wife seems to have kinda reconciled the event. She says it never would have happened if she wasn't as drunk as she was. I believe her. She's still interested in exploration...I guess. I'm still full of odd, conflicted feelings. I'm mad, then depressed, then really horny....all at the same time. Where did we go wrong? Am I wrong for getting mad? Is there any hope for us or should we just forget the whole idea of joining the lifestyle? Thanks for reading this long boring post. Any ideas, suggestions, and thoughts are appreciated.
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Hi all! A couple of years ago, my husband starting dabbling a bit in MFM role playing during sex. With toys, talking out scenes, etc. I had never even heard of this before. It started out very gradually with dirty talk and then role playing with toys. He always made sure I was comfy with it and, much to my surprise, I really enjoyed it! That eventually led to talk of really having a MFM. Come to find out, this was a long held fantasy of my husband. He got really hot thinking about me satisfying 2 men. And the bragging rights of how hot his wife is. We eventually did it and had an amazing time. Since then, we have played with several single men...some more than once...and it has been so much fun every time. My question is this: I sometimes wonder if he, at some point, will ask me for a fmf. He's never indicated that he is interested in that. Not once. But it's something that I think about....like how would I handle that? I am EXTREMELY opposed to having another woman in bed. The thought of it makes me queasy. I don't like the look of the female body. And I don't think that I could even get into it at all. So if he eventually asks for that, how should I handle it without sounding like a selfish human? And, remember....he was the one that brought up the MFM stuff. I didn't ask for it. I really enjoy it, but it was his fantasy initially. Just thought I'd ask for some opinions on this...just in case it ever rears up! TIA!
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Hi, so wife and I are comfortable with the swingers lifestyle but we have said that we are both ok with sleeping with people separately. However, we have come across a problem and I'm not sure if I'm the problem or if she is. My wife has been in the lifestyle for far longer than me and has a vast amount of experience. A while ago we went to a club and there she met the club manager and they started talking. After leaving the club they carried on chatting on a daily basis, and when I asked her what they where talking about she would say that they always talk about work or stuff friends would talk about. However last night i found out that they have been flirting with each other. Problem is when we started swinging we said that communication is the most important thing to keep us safe from any complications. I feel that we have to discuss and inform each other when we are talking or flirting with others and she feels that there is no need to inform me if she is flirting with others. Am I been unreasonable by asking her to tell me when she is flirting with guys and is it unreasonable for me to have gotten upset about her telling me they only talk about work stuff only to find out there is more involved?
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Ran across this cuckold contract online and I thought I'd share it. Has anyone done something like this for their cuckold or swinging relationship?
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CoupleInMD79.... It is like we are on parallel tracks! We'd still love to meet another FWB couple where we all click and can all play together same and separate room. (We have one right now) we've meet many nice couples but having a hard time getting a four way connection sexually. We are considering letting each other play alone a bit. Still in discussion phases. He met someone awhile ago and she played separately and I recently met someone and we are considering allowing this. What rules does anyone on forum have for this type of scenario. What issues have arisen? What are things to discuss. We are trying to think about it from all angles but would love any input.
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Hey all- We experienced a club for the first time a week ago and want to go back, but we are curious of a few things. Help us out! -We are very new to this so we want to start out by having sex only with each other, but around others. We went into a group room and started on a giant bed and soon after another couple laid down very close to us. They minded their own business, but we were a little unsure of their intentions. In the future will most people mind their own business near us if we are going at it on our own or is it an acceptable act for another couple to start touching us if we are on a large group bed? -we didn't notice any men finishing. The GF is interested in me finishing on her face or chest. What's the general rule for that? I feel like I may make a mess on the group bed and ruin it for others. Bring extra towels? Have her move away from the bed? Thanks!
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Just curious how you would suggest setting limits with the other person? I want to see my wife get fucked, for sure by a woman. I am pretty sure that I would like a girl doing everything possible with my wife, no problem there, but I am wondering about another guy doing stuff with her? Like, for instance, we have played around with the idea of her going out to a bar/club and flirting/getting hit on by guys....but what if I don't want her fucking the guy? Maybe I just want her to give him a blowjob or handjob and him to finger or eat her out? Also we were talking and she brought up the point that what if we are out, in Vegas or something partying, and she asked a guy that was hitting on her to fuck her in front of me? She asked me "how would you feel if you were a single guy and a couple came up to you and asked you to fuck his wife while he watched? How would you react?" And honestly I told her that would be awkward. I don't know if that is something that could happen very comfortably and I am almost thinking maybe it is better if she just went out on her own and did it just the 2 of them and then told me about it later? I don't know how this will work?! LOL We have never done this and I don't know what my limits are right now, sometimes I feel I have no limits and other times I feel like just touching or kissing at the most. Any thoughts? -
It's funny that this has never come up before. I think for too long single females were so rare that it almost seemed like they could do whatever they wanted and they'd be ok. However, I think as we are seeing more and more of them showing up at parties and clubs, that's not the case. The social we went to last night had about 45 couples and at least 3 single females. One of them was there by herself for the first time and ran into a little trouble by making some wives feel uncomfortable, I ended up having a chat with her that went something like this... As a single female you need to approach the wife first and make sure she is comfortable with you. Despite the way it seems not every couple is seeking a single female. Be careful not to drink too much. You don't have anyone watching your back when you are out alone like couples do. Yes, we are at a swinger party but that doesn't mean that you have free reign with everyone there. Everyone has limits, so find out what they are. Talking to her got me thinking about how we've never had a thread here sharing your rules for single women. So, couples who play with single ladies (or want to), what are your rules for them?
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Hi We're relatively new to the swinger lifestyle but have had a few great experiences with other couples. We are moving into playing separately with others but have established rules for this - including safe sex, prior notice of dates, no play in our home/bed, and no overnights. Recently, an opportunity came up for my boyfriend to play separately with someone who is visiting from out of town. She is staying with a friend so therefore no hotel. My boyfriend wanted to use the guest bedroom or get a hotel and spend the night with her. I'm very uncomfortable with both of those ideas. Although he knows how I feel and has agreed to not do either of those options, he's angry with me because he feels that our rules are too restrictive and that he's missing out on an opportunity that he'd really like to take advantage of. Any advice? Thanks.
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Hi all, was just trying to figure out if this is ok in the swinging community? My wife and I are thinking about going to a lifestyle club near our house, but are not sure if we want to get into swinging completely and was wondering if what we want to do is acceptable, and if it is ok how to tell people at the club what are intentions are. We want to have interactions with other couples or other women but my wife or myself don't think she would like to be penetrated by another man, or have oral. We would just like it to be fingering of woman on woman and maybe another man play with her or she could give him a hand job, or use toys on her. She thinks she could go for this and she thinks she would enjoy this she just does not want to be penetrated by another man or have oral with either man or woman. Would this be ok at a club, and if so is there an easy way to explain myself. Thank you all very much for the help. -
We are not newbies. We like meet and greets, clubs, and love Desire Resort. We recently have been invited to our first house party which we are excited about and hear great things about. We have two concerns though. First we saw the guest list and among the 14 or so couples the only two we know we really have no interest in. Secondly, we are soft swap and only two others are soft. We reached out to a few on list and keep getting the "we are full etc". Should we give it a go or try and find a better first time experience? -
We used to have a whole list when we first started but the majority of them have been thrown out. We have decided that simple is better, not for everybody I guess, but works for us. This comment by GT, in another thread, prompted me to ask: Now that you have been swinging for awhile, have your rules fallen by the wayside? I know ours have changed substaintially since we started and I don't think that is bad. I know of a lot of couples that have also changed. I am curious about everyone else. I also wanted to see who changed the rules, so this poll accepts multiple options. -
Mari and I were talking to some friends of ours and they mentioned the fact that there is a significant number of couples they've played with that viewed kissing as a "no-no". Now, we're still relative newbies to the Lifestyle, but so far, everyone we've played with has enjoyed the kissing and making out just as much as we do. As a matter of fact, we're not sure if we could play with another couple if kissing weren't allowed...it would just seem weird. lol So as to get a wider sampling, I set up the poll to find out about your experiences with others, rather than your own personal preferences... Enjoy and feel free to elaborate further, we'd love to hear everyone's opinion on this topic. Cheers! ~Mike
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My husband and I are attending Swingstock in July in Minneapolis. Outside of swinging with friends who have since moved out of the area, we are very new to all of this. Our main question is how couples match up. Will we be expected to partner with one couple or might he be able to go with the wife of one couple and I go with the husband of another? If it is the latter, what happens when one member of a couple is not chosen? Thank you in advance for your replies. We are very excited for all of this to begin.
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My gf and I were talking about our fantasies, and her biggest one is to be on a club dance floor and have me come up from behind her and take her in front of the crowd. The appeal to her is for everyone to see what we have and want it. We have a long distance but awesome relationship: very secure, mutual trust, respect and acceptance. She's my one ;-) She assumed this was going to remain a fantasy until I told her about a sex club my friend worked at in Portland. We did some Googling and have found what sounds like a relatively acceptable club here in PHX. She'll be in town this weekend, so we're planning on hitting it tomorrow night. We've talked at length about what she wants and what her boundaries are. She's adamant she does not want any other male participation, which I'm fine with. However, from what I've heard about the two on-premise clubs in PHX, there are a ton of skeezers who follow women around jerking off. She's drop dead gorgeous, so I have no doubt she'll be the center of attention. I'm a bit worried that she's going to get out on the dance floor to set up her fantasy and get swarmed. I've also heard these guys will try to join in without invite, and I have visions of dudes going beyond a polite touch to ask permission and just go for the prize. I've read women's accounts about going into a situation thinking they knew their boundaries, and then getting into the thick of it and a switch flips and they discover desires they never realized. I trust her to know herself and what she wants, but I'm not so naive to discount these accounts. So we had even more discussion about boundaries. My goal is for my baby to fulfill her fantasy and have a memorable night. Ultimately what we decided is if either of us are uncomfortable with what's going down, we'll immediately and clearly say so. Other than that we want to go with the flow and what feels right without a million "are you ok with this?" questions to ruin the spontaneity. My first concern is too much pushiness is going to ruin her experience. I've read several people on here saying swing club members don't just arbitrarily grope others without permission, but I've gotten very different accounts from locals. Any experience or advice here? A secondary concern is I've read lots of advice on here about setting clear and absolute boundaries beforehand and sticking to them. Are we being too lax by just seeing where things go? Thanks for the awesome, open environment to share and learn! -
So my wife and I started swinging a few years ago with her playing with a close male friend of hers, everything was good, we enjoyed the sex and started looking for others to play with, while it was exciting we didn't find too many couples to play with and only had a few experiences with another couple. She has continued to play with her first friend (when they see each other, as he lives far far away). The problem lies in that she has broken some of the rules and while this upset me at the time we moved past it and agreed on a way to get around it (or so I thought). It has happened again where she has got 'caught in the moment' and broke the rules again, then lied to not hurt my feelings, when i do find out about it, it's pretty painful, again we talk through it, and seem to agree it can't happen again. Well, I have a suspicion that it has happened again, that she is lying about something, either to keep from hurting me, or because it is not a big deal (like lying that they spoke on the phone, which I don't really care about, but why lie about it?)... I am wondering if I should be snooping or looking for a lie or what I should do since confronting her doesn't seem to work...how does someone rebuild this trust? Thanks for the help, just looking for other ways I can get her to open up so we can discuss this...
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Hello, everyone! Mr. Sunbuckus and I have been talking about general swinging issues of jealousy, bigger body parts on the other couple, etc. However, I was curious about a comprehensive "rule" list to discuss. For example, condoms? (YES!) Should we use signals to show dis/interest or not? Sex on first day or not? What else should we be considering that might not be obvious?
