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I’m newly married, this isn’t my first marriage. My husband and I have been thinking about going into this lifestyle, but I’m worried that once I come home he may never be enough and vice versa? Is this a common feeling? Am I ready? Are we ready? Well I know he is, but am I?
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Hi there community... First, I need to apologize, because I know you field the type of questions I'm about to ask routinely enough to be sick to death. I am hoping though that you will entertain the questions and help me out if you can. My GF and I have been together long enough now to know that we're going to get married. We live together, we love together. We get along better than I've EVER gotten along with anyone. We've had our fights - all couples do, but we've never had a fight which didn't make us stronger. I believe that changed last night. Allow me to explain. A few months ago, my GF was out with some girlfriends having a few drinks. As she always does, she was giving me text updates as the evening progressed. I know all of the girls she was with - including the one girl who apparently that night admitted to having a bi-curious side. According to my GF, her friend explained her "rules" for having a girl/girl encounter: 1. The other girl would have to be a total stranger. 2. She'd have to be a little drunk (otherwise she'd be to inhibited to do it). 3. Her husband could watch, but could not touch, period. I was excited by this as this girl is fairly attractive and now I have thoughts of her living out her fantasies when I see her, although I'd never say anything... ever. Anyways... my GF added to this story by explaining that for her to do a girl/girl experience, the rules would have to be exactly the same. Of course this got my juices flowing. I had to know more. The next day, I asked her about the conversation the girls had the night before. Asking her the obvious question about what she'd said. Her reply was a bit of a let down. she said that she was just talking and that she meant had she ever decided to do that and that she was past that in life now. (I'm 31, she's 32). I was disappointed, but I told her (and the other girl) there was a place she could go to satisfy her fantasy. (the local on-premise club) It was clear immediately that I opened a door for her that she didn't know existed. She sorta admitted it was more fantasy than something she was really looking to do... I'll digress on that one... Now, give me a minute to explain who each of us are... It's sort of integral to the forthcoming question(s). I was married for a long time. The relationship was bad, and without too much detail, our sex life reflected how awful our marriage really was. Not satisfied with things, I stepped out on her. A huge mistake, but it's what happened. I registered with Swing Lifestyle, created a premium account, and sought the company of singles and couples while I was married. I did meet one couple in the year that I was involved with the lifestyle guy. I fooled around with the girl in the couple only once or twice, but it gave me experience into the lifestyle. I liked it. I even contemplated bringing this to the wife, but I thought better of it and kept it my secret. When I met my GF, I cancelled my Swing Lifestyle and gave up the lifestyle altogether, promising that I'd only come back if and when I could come back with my GF. My GF has been around the block a lot, but all vanilla stuff with two exceptions. The first found her in bed with another couple, but not as a player. She was just there while the couple was having sex together. The second found her in bed with two men... She told me she had to leave the situation before anything happened. "I'm only built for one at a time." She said. She's had no other lifestyle experience whatsoever, but she's not dumb either; she knows what's out there. We both like to watch porn together. We're both voyeurs. She is the most sexual woman I've ever met, and I'm lucky to have it as good with her as I do. I'm also extremely sexual. I think although I don't have the experience she does, I'm less inhibited than she.... ...onto the story - So having had the conversation about the local on-premise club, I asked my GF if she'd ever want to go. I was scared stiff to ask the question. If she said no, she'd wonder why I wanted to go. I thought it might destroy us. Much to my surprise though, she said we could absolutely go, but immediately followed it up with: "I'm not doing anything though." Still shocked, I explained that was fine and that we'd just be going to check the club out and be voyeurs for a night. Excited, I wanted to sit down, review the club's website and pick a date right then and there, but she was scheduled to have knee surgery in a few weeks and there would be no way we could have gone before that or before she recovered completely. We decided on going to our local club on March 13 (about 2 weeks from now). We had a few more conversations about going since the first time we discussed it. In those discussions she made it very clear to me that: 1. She did not want to share me with anyone else. 2. She wanted me to not want to share her with anyone else too. I completely understood her and reassured her that we were going strictly as voyeurs. She seemed ok with that and haven't talked much about going since then... until a few days ago. I have been doing ALL the research I can do to find out things like how the night is going to go down for first timers, what we should wear, how to politely say no, club etiquette, etc... in doing so, I started contacting current members and those who have been there before. I made friends with a few couples in the area, but just as mentors. All of this was in the open, and I never hid anything from Rachael, except for one thing: I would be ok sharing each other, although it's not something I'm prepared to lose the love of my life over. Last night, I was talking with someone about going to the club (as I've been doing almost every night for two weeks - yea, I'm excited!) and she asked me what my GF wanted to get out of the club visit. Having never considered that at all, I decided to ask her. Up the stairs I marched, laptop in hand and sat down with her and asked her. She said she didn't know and asked me the same question. As I was answering, she caught a line of text I typed about being curious about doing more in the lifestyle. This was a conversation I wanted to have, but not how it happened and when it happened. I was TERRIFIED that admitting to wanting to be open would do irreparable damage. I was seeking advice on how to do this when she found out. Now I'm not prepared. It got very nasty, and although the fight ended with us embracing and making lifelong promises, I don't know this fight will ever go away. Her sadness revolves around my being ok with sharing her with someone else. She went as far as to say that if I am willing to let her be with someone else, I am with the wrong woman. I quickly tried to backtrack to save my relationship. I tried explain that "doing more" or going further doesn't necessarily imply full swap or even soft swap... It might me being watched together, or same room sex, etc... It didn't work at first... She kept honing in on my desire to share her and how much that hurt. I tried to explain that I would never pressure her into something that she didn't want to do, and if she didn't want to explore openly as swingers, then WE don't want to... She didn't quite believe me there, although I meant it. If one of us or the other isn't ok with something, then WE together aren't. I believe that completely. For her though, it was all about my being ok with her being with another... She reiterated that would NEVER happen, ever. Given all that was said last night, I told her (and I meant it) that we might want to reconsider going to the club altogether. Despite the fight, she insisted that she wanted to go... to watch and take it all in visually. She also said that IF any action happened there, it would be in a private room with the blinds drawn. I've always believed this would be a victory for me at this point, as I did not want to have the conversation yet. People, I need help because now I'm confused. It's clear to me that she knows I want more from this than just voyeuring. It's clear to me that she's uncomfortable with that. It's also clear that she still wants to walk through the club's door with me. I don't know what to make of all of this. Is there still a remote curiosity in there?? Given what she's said will she ever come around to the lifestyle? Will there ever be an appropriate time to express to her that I might want to do more than just watch other couples? How do I do that while assuring her that she's all the woman I need and that it is just something I thought might be fun to share together, although we don't have to? I'm sorry, it sort of all just fell apart on me here at the end. My mind is racing again. This is a fragile situation for me, and I don't want to break my relationship, which until last night was impenetrable. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and answer (if you do).... Sincerely, The New Guy -
A little background on us, so my wife and I have been together for 5 1/2 years, we have never swung, we are very happy and in love and have a great sex life together. My wife is bisexual and I am straight. We have been talking more and more about her doing stuff with another person, woman or man, over the last couple of years. She definitely wants to be with a girl again sometime, with me there, I would love to see that I have told her. I have also been trying to get her comfortable with the idea of fucking another guy in front of me or with me...she is starting to open up to this idea because she knows the fantasy turns me on so much. My wife does not want me doing ANYTHING with another woman though, and I am fine with that. So a little while back we went to a restaurant and sat at the bar, the bartender was obviously very taken by my wife's looks and was acting a little nervous around her...so we both know he was turned on by my wife. My wife also thinks he is a good looking guy she told me afterwards and is the type of guy she would fuck. She was lightly flirting with him with me there next to her at the bar while we all talked and my wife and I had a couple glasses of wine. We have been discussing going back to this restaurant, she would get all made up and dress sexy, but classy, only this time I would drop her off and leave her there for about 1hr while I go somewhere else for a drink. During this time she would, hopefully, be able to see this guy again at the bar and talk/flirt with him for this 1hr time. We discussed how far we would want her to go with it and decided that she would make it obvious that she liked him and was flirting with him, but would also let it be known right off the bat that she was married. If it progressed nicely, she would let him know that I was open to her doing stuff with another man as long as I am present. If it got to the point that he was still interested, she would get his number and not give hers out. I would then show up after this 1hr or so of leaving her alone to pick her up and we would have a drink at the bar and leave together saying goodbye to the bartender...for now. Maybe then in the next couple of weeks we would contact him to see if he wanted to meet up for drinks somewhere, and if it all goes well we could get a hotel room for the night...all 3 of us. Do you guys think this is a decent plan? What would be your advice for us? -
About Us: My wife & I met 6 years ago when we were 30. Right away we both connected, she was smart, gorgeous and shared many common interests. I thought to myself why is a woman like this single there has to be a catch. After a few days, weeks she opened up to me and told me she had an anxiety issue (which was noticeable but not OCD) and she was a virgin still. My now wife had many boyfriends but nothing serious and was waiting for that special someone. She has however had oral with another woman 2 years before we met. I was very patient and helped my wife get over her anxiety issues (without meds), and respected her "no sex" wishes. My wife had no problem with nudity over the years but very basic hands-on foreplay during this time. Fast forward 3 years and I was that special someone, my wife was now no longer a virgin! At first things were great she was curious and we had sex countless times a day, week, month. All positions, all places there was nothing stopping her. The Problem: During this time that we started having sex I noticed she wasn't into "foreplay". She was more of a hands on woman, and didn't like to use mouth. She is also extremely ticklish all over her body so me going down on her was also out the question, I was only allowed hands-on also. Then came rules, never ever under any circumstances will she ever do Anal, and she doesn't like "doggie style". She was more of a 3 position woman. My wife (I think) has major anxiety over having an orgasm that she won't admit to me. She doesn't like the "pee feeling" and when she squirts (which is often when I am on top of her) she doesn't like getting the sheets all wet. When she is about to orgasm she locks up. - When I am on top of her she closes her legs and/or locks her hips which hurts me - When she is on top of me she has her bum so high in the air it feels like I am falling out of her 80% of the time, I don't enjoy it and go soft - We can do scissors/sideways but after awhile her legs get tired At this point I am not enjoying our "sex experiences" and tried to talk to her. My wife informs me that she believes that she missed out on "experiencing and exploring" sex in her teen years when all her friends were doing it. So I take a few ideas off the top of my head to try and help her the best I can. I get her some couples porn, get her some books like Kama sutra. I even bring her to a adult store to buy some toys to explore with. I tell her to be open and honest with me, and will help her explore. Swinging #1: While out one day, my wife asks me if we want to go over to her friends place for a few minutes. While there it was quite apparent that my wife had talked to her close friend about our "sex issues". Her friend gently eases into a conversation that maybe if my wife explores with other people and not just me she could possibly "learn" or get the "sex experience" that she is striving for. My wife informs me at this point that her, and her friend were interested in "Swapping husbands" as they don't want to feel like they were cheating and asked my opinion. I originally said I had no opinion. I think I was shocked at first to say the least. My wife wanted to have sex with another guy, and her friend wanted to have sex with me. My wife (who had been doing some research) later that week shows me a clip from "Playboys Swing" which got me interested in the lifestyle. As long as we are open, honest, and safe .... I tell my wife that I am interested but not setting this up, she had to do the work. Happily she agreed. Later that week my wife goes over to her friends place, only to return an hour later. When her friend and my wife brought it up with her husband he was quick to say NO. He said there was no way he would be able to "perform" in front of another guy. Before my wife could suggest separate rooms, he asked my wife to leave so he could speak to his wife. Since that night my wife has only had Facebook contact with her friend and it seems to have put a strain on their friendship. Swinging #2: My wife suggests we put an Ad onto a local website to see if any random NSA couples were interested. Although we got lots of emails from males wanting to watch, video tape, join in, only 1 couple in (south eastern BC Canada) replied. We sent them our semi nude, faces blocked, pictures and never heard from that couple again. Present Time: About 6 months has passed since the whole Swinging topic has come up when we put ads on a website. My wife still has the same "sex issues" listed above, yet now recently my wife has once again started seriously talking about partner swapping. She has suggested in the past week we look for local couples, advertise, look for clubs, or even travel to meet our needs. She seems more knowledgeable then me in this swinging lifestyle (Good ole Google brought me here) I really don't know how I can even approach any of my friends with this topic. I have a few concerns: 1) My wife missed out exploring with sex partners growing up as mentioned, and now that she is sexually active, and so mindset on this swapping that I am worried that if I don't agree that she will just do it anyway. She has said she wants to sleep with another man besides me once in this lifetime many times. I love my wife but when she went behind my back asking her friend to "swap husbands" I think a bit of me felt maybe I don't know my wife as well as I think I do. 2) I am worried that if she is not giving me a great sexual experience that it would be a disaster if she tried with another partner. I love my wife and have patience, where as a lot of people I know including close friends have zero to no patience. I wouldn't want to sleep with someones wife and get enjoyment while they got disappointment. 3) Am I going about this the wrong way? Should I accept this is the way my wife is and adapt? 4) Did I put too much pressure on my wife too soon, and she is doing this for me? Even though I have concerns she wants to go through with it? A year ago I was all for it after thinking about it, now not so much as I have concerns. Would like to hear from some experienced people, would you get together with us knowing some or all of this? What are your thoughts and any advice. Summary TLDR: My wife was a virgin when we met (besides an oral experience with another woman), and gave herself to me. Our sex life hasn't been the greatest to suit my needs, but seems to satisfy hers. No Foreplay, and lots of rules. After trying to help her and educate her more in sex, she talks with friend(s) who suggest she try getting more experience from another partner. My wife suggests she doesn't want to cheat on me so her friend suggests Swinging. After failing to convince a friends husband for a swap, and failed local ads the subject is dropped. Now my wife all of a sudden wants to swing again (swap partners) and she seems to have been doing a lot of research recently, but I now have issues. My wife also informed me she wants to have sex with at least 1 other person in her lifetime. I feel silly posting this to strangers, so I appreciate the time to read this, if you have anymore questions I would be happy to answer. Thank you, Kam Couple. -
I'm a curious but confused wife. Should we swing?
Violet75 posted a topic in Curious About Swinging?
Hi, wife narrating here. I'm 35, hubby is 31. We have been together 3 years. I'm not sure if what we have been talking about and exploring would really be considered swinging. Hubby has slowly been opening up to me about fantasies about watching me with other women and men. In my life before hubby, I was very sexually open. He knew this when we met, but acted as though none of that interested him. I had a sort of sexual awakening when I met my husband and lost interest in all the wilder things I had been doing. After we had been together for about a year and a half, my husband confessed to me that he was a little envious that I had experienced so many different sexual things and he had only done the basic vanilla stuff with his first wife. He was envious of me, and of the people I had been with, that they had shared something with me that he hadn't. Gradually he has expressed interest and desire in experimenting with role play, and with watching me with another woman. Then he finally told me that he has fantasized about seeing me with another man. I stepped away from this life when I met him because he satisfies me completely. I don't need anything more than what he gives me. I'm cautious because when we first met he said that stuff didn't interest him at all. So here we are, to learn more about what we may be getting ourselves into and if we can handle it. -
Today, the wife and I went out to lunch from work, rather than eating in (my idea.) Now, last weekend, we had gone to the "Everything to do with sex" show, and had a good time, as well as said hi (and were remembered by) the host / hostess of the club we had gone to many months back for a meet and greet. Well, after our trip to the show, on the ride back, she had said that in part, because they remembered us, she was thinking about giving going to the club another try, and actually going for an event at the club. I did my best to simply "sit down, shut up, and hang on," and leave her be. For the most part, I succeeded. She did say, yesterday, she had been thinking more about going. But, she got into a "loop" about it. She was thinking it'd be fun and exciting to have sex where people could watch / hear, we'd enjoy it, go to more events, then for my b-day get another woman. And then at that point she'd get upset, as she doesn't feel she could handle seeing me with another woman. She'd then get worked up about how we are (or will be) a no-swap couple, how would others react, would we be "frowned upon?" She'd then just keep going around and around these same thoughts. I told her, that, first, she is setting the pace, if she doesn't want to go, we don't. If she doesn't want to ever swap, we don't. If others "frown" on us for not swapping, f**k 'em. If it leads to us not having a good time, we don't go back. So, that brings us to today. On lunch, she informed me that she does think she wants to go Saturday, but also wanted to let me know that we won't go, if she "has a panic attack." I gave her a line from the seminar from the show, about swinging, when a single female (divorced IIRC) asked about her getting back into swinging, namely, "she has the pussy, she makes the rules." I told her that while I might be disappointed if she changes her mind, I *WILL NOT* get angry / hurt / upset / annoyed. I'm doing my best to try to keep my hopes down (I don't care if we swap, I think we'll have a grand old time just us, and I *WON'T* try to push her into doing anything,) this is kind of my "jumping up and down pumping my fist in the air screaming YEAH!" posting... And now, I will shut up about the weekend, and perhaps, come Sunday (more likely Monday) there will be a new posting in the "Good Swinging Experiences." Or, there will be a "we didn't go after all, such is the way it goes." We shall see. Jason
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As many of you who have followed the threads we've started know, myself and the Mrs have had a rather slow, sometimes rocky, start to swinging. Well, we've not thrown in the towel, yet. We're registered (again) to go to our local on-premise, and join up. The Mrs and I discussed it, she was debating between the "Get Lei'd" night, or the "Hedo Kama Sutra" parties. I suggested that, as she is not yet comfortable wearing bikinis, the Hedo might work better, as we can simply go nicely dressed, and be done with it. So, we're doing that. Of course, I also hope that we end up being the winners of the 3 night trip to Hedonism II, even if the Mrs decides to stay on the Prude side, it would be: A. A free vacation to Jamaica (may need to spring for airfare, but still) B. A free vacation to Hedonism As for our "plans" at the club, we're going to only be with each other, and meet people, try to come out of our shells. We may (probably will, we've both been getting turned on thinking about using the play areas, and being "watched") go up to the play areas, to be with each other. We may not play, we may just voyeur, quietly. We may go use the (repaired) hot tub. We may dance with each other, or just watch others dance. Got a list together, of a "play bag" to pack for us, as well as what I'm going to wear. The Mrs will probably wear one of her 2 club tops, and nice jeans, as well as pack some play wear. I'm even making plans for us when we come home, just ordered some satin sheets, put those on the bed before we leave, get some candles set up, a nice CD ready to go when we get home. We figure, we'll go, and see what kind of time we have. If it's a good time, then we look at going to more events. We've both agreed, if we are uncomfortable with playing in "public" as it were, there's always the private room. The (somewhat) amusing part, is, for me at least, that if we stay the entire time (until 2am), we'll actually be there for my b-day... Jason
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We say this often enough around here and it got me wondering.... How / When did you know it was right for you? If you haven't made the decision yet that it is right for you, what is keeping you from feeling that it is right for you? Or what has made you decide it's not right for you (if you've made that decision)?
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Hi there, Been lurking for a few weeks and decided today to join. My hubby and I have talked a lot about swinging. But what we get stuck on is knowing for sure if this is just a really hot fantasy we have or if it is something we should pursue? I'm thinking once we get into it, it'll be real hot. But I'm worried about afterwards. I don't know how I'll feel. It's kinda scary. I would love to hear some advice on knowing if this should just stay a fantasy? What are some of your personal experiences with making the 'jump' to reality. TIA! -
Hello everyone, first time poster. My wife and I are timidly looking at swinging. Our situation is thus: We have been together two years and married one of those. We have complete honesty and love each other very much. We do just about everything together except when we are at work or she is at college. I'm mid thirties and she's nearing thirty. Our sex life started out great, then after the first year he want for sex greatly diminished to the point now that she really never gets horny. She can still reach orgasm fine, and she can get a little turned on by watching porn, where she gets wet. We have sex but she doesn't initiate, she's just not horny. She has went to the Gyno and told him of her feelings, and he's taken her off the pill (I'm vas safe), she believes her hormones or something physical is causing this lack of want. She brought up the topic of going to other people for sex, and while it blew me down to begin with, I'm trying to be open to the idea. She had just saw someone while we were out shopping that she'd like to have a sex session with and brought this up to me, if we should start doing that type stuff with others. She says she is missing that feeling when you are with someone new (new sex we call it). I understand also, as firsts are always good. So for the last couple of weeks, I've been mulling it over in my head. I really can't see just picking up strangers seperately and having sex with them, as really, she would be doing alot more than me and I'm not sure I could even try. I'd end up sitting at home while she was out, and that would hurt too much I think, I just couldn't see that working. The only thing I saw that might work is swinging. I could see us getting together with another couple and just having sexual encounters, I don't see that hurting near as much because it would only be sex (right?). I don't have to feel that my wife will have feelings for this man she's with, and I don't see myself as being in danger of losing her. Or is this shallow? I also know that I myself would enjoy being with different women of course. I experimented and masturbated, fantasizing that I was with another woman. It was great, but then as soon as the orgasm was over, in the fantasy I just wanted to be with my wife... is that normal? As I said, we are both truthful to the point it's brutal about everything. So I trust her. I am somewhat insecure right now, just because it's been hard feeling that feeling of "I just don't excite my wife anymore". I do fear that this will end up badly if we can't find the passion we once had. We are thinking that the swinging life could enhance those passions, as I read most all of you say. My main questions are: How do you deal with the feelings after, not exactly jealousy but how are you supposed to feel when your mate is with another? Both she and I worry a lot about how it will affect us. Is same room probably best for our situation? We are brand new to the lifestyle, we have both had threesomes with ex-partners, but nothing together. My wife and I's goals are to love and be with each other forever (well, til one dies eh? Me I'm sure). With that in mind, is swinging a huge risk to our love? I fear for our future if we don't try *something* to excite her again. (I still crave her like the first month) It feels like a bag of worms, and once opened I have to see it through. Her happiness is my first priority. We are on hold right now until we see how her body reacts to being off the pill for the first time in 9 years. So please, advice, thoughts? I thank you -
Hey, The wife and I this past weekend (New Years Eve) went to a party with some friends of ours. Any way to cut through the chit chat, we ended back up at there place that night for some fun adult games. We have known for some time that she was bi, and he was pretty much straight, as the wife and I are. Before we knew it we were all naked and lying around the room. Now we had never been "completely" naked with another person, much less another couple before, by thy way the married couple that we are talking about is an attractive couple. We never did a swap nor did his wife make a move on my wife (who would probably freak out), but we did have sex very close to each other. And the night was GREAT!! Anyway after we had left, the next morning the wife and I talked, and she had mentioned something about swapping, not in a direct kinda way but I got the hint. Now we have been married just a month short of 8 years and have sex about 4 days a week still, but never had we or I had thought about swapping, how do we approach them about it? I know that they have been swinging for some time now (or at least she has - bi females only). I really enjoyed the night, and the wife did too, but how do we go about taking that extra step? What about jealousy? And what harm can it do to our marriage if we decided to cross that line? Any info would really be great!! And any addition thoughts...
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Sometimes I wonder if this lifestyle suits us. I am not an exhibitionist, i'm shy, modest, self concious and pretty conservative as far as flirting or initiating anything goes. Whats worse is that I am slightly oblivious to overtures towards me and when I do notice them I don't know how to respond/react even when I am interested. My husband and I have been together since 9th grade, 14 awesome years so far. We were eachothers first and up until a foursome we had with a close couple we knew a few years ago we were eachothers only. In fact he still has never been with anyone but me and I have just been with him and that 1 couple still. He wasn't at all attracted to the female in the couple we were with. She is my opposite and I think it was too far a departure for him. In any event, we dealt with that fine. We are very solid and we enjoyed the experiences we had with them as 3-somes without her and as 4-somes so we knew we wanted to do it again one day with another couple after they moved and we couldn't get together anymore. The trouble is finding a couple that will evolve naturally into more. Seems like everyone is on fast forward. Not only that but I seem to be judging approaches from a vanilla standpoint. I know that if we could meet a couple we would enjoy ourselves but I am so put off by some of the approaches we receive. I hate crassness, closeup body part pictures, being touched without any provocation from me or people that don't seem to be selective. That to me is the biggest turn-off. I will walk into a room and automatically be attracted to a few people maybe 2 or 3 and they will be the only ones I express interest in, I will certainly be friendly if approached by other people but I am not interested. People that move around quickly, and with a lot of people make me lose interest. I guess I need to feel special and courted and I don't feel that way if i'm one of many I guess. I like to be pursued, in someways i'm very old fashioned and prudish. I don't know how to flirt and feel akward trying, it comes so unnaturally for me. Parties where people are having sex all over the place turn me off. I prefer get togethers in normal clubs where people meet, dance and take it from there - elsewhere. I also don't like getting together with a couple we haven't met to meet over dinner or drinks, it feels contrived and pressured with the prospect of sex looming over me. What if we don't click and we've wasted a perfectly rare oppurtunity to use a babysitter meeting with a couple I frankly have no intention of sleeping with that night and then we may not even click. I like the no pressure atmosphere of a regular club gathering where we can get lost if theres no chemistry and not waste the night. Just this past weekend we went to a club where a swingers group was meeting and we had a really nice time. And although we did dance all night - we stuck with only eachother. He's as shy as me, extremely picky, and never makes any type of move on anyone and in fact doesn't really express interest in anyone unless I ask him. He's not a dead fish, he talks when people approach us and is very friendly and laid back but he just doesn't initiate things. We never talk about sex with any couples, I figure if theres chemistry it'll happen and then we can set groundrules. Nothing brings me back to earth faster then the other couple bringing up sex as if they assume thats where we're headedhow presumptious of them I think. I on the other hand make these super lame attempts at flirtation that are so veiled they come off as harmelss vanilla compliments like "Nice boots". Anyways back to the club. As soon as we got there I picked out 2 women and a couple I was attracted to and spent the night trying to position ourselves in situations where we might have the opportunity to talk. I ended up approaching the couple and making small talk, complimenting one of the womens boots and making eyes at the last lady. All 3 were interested but I don't know how to progress and stay in my comfort zone and I fear that we just don't move quickly enough to not piss off people. The lady that I was making eyes at, kept trying to maneuver herself over to me and even held her hand out to me while she danced but my husband said I just turned my back on her and kept on dancing. I didn't notice I guess. She also grabbed my butt several times while we danced close by but I didn't acknowledge that I had felt anything, I didn't know what to do about it. How do you respond to a stranger grabbing your ass when you haven't even spoken? She was also in a heavy grindfest with 3 people including her husband (who was not attractive to me at all) who was fingering her right there on the dance floor of this vanilla club. Her husband was mostly the reason I wasn't receptive to her advances, the last thing I wanted to do was be saddled with a guy I wasn't attracted to just because she was hot. I know this whole post is disjointed but is this whole thing just not for us? I feel defeated and like we'll never be able to experience this type of thing again because of our hang ups but I don't know if I can be the type of girl that just wants to go out and have sex as quickly as possible. I know couples aren't interested in courting us and I guess I don't blame them but I would like to feel like we were selected as opposed to one of many. So what do you all think, is this just not for us?
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Do they belong? Are single males who manage to get active in the lifestyle just lucky? Or can they actually be considered swingers? I'd like to get responses on this from all different opinions, I'm sure there are many.
