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I'll be 50 this year and recently discovered my sexuality. I want to be able to be more spontaneous and not so inhibited about what I want in bed (and out of bed). I'm actually quite sexual but have largely surpassed that for years because of various reasons. There is a local swingers nudist resort that has day passes and I set it my goal to go to their pool this weekend. I'm not sure if I'll have the guts to engage in any acts but if I can manage my anxiety I wouldn't mind playing with a girl. Any recommendations for a first timer? Especially going on my own. I think I will be okay taking my top off at the pool but not sure how long it will take me to go completely nude. I'm super excited but also nervous. I want to have fabulous sex, have a better body image and stopping myself because of fear. Open to any and all suggestions, especially with how to manage anxiety and not chicken out Late Blooming Lesbian/BiSexual wanting to Play -
Hello!! Just have a premise to start with: I would like to say sorry in advance if I make some grammar mistakes; English is not my mother tongue. Also, I am from the European side of the globe so it will probably look like I wrote this post in the middle of the night like some poor insomniac girl when here is actually 12 pm XD. Also, it will be a lenghty post. I did browse a little through the forum but I didn't find the exact answers I needed to my questions, hence why I did this. So, on with it! I am a young girl (23) who has recently began to wonder about things and topics that in my environment - or at least within the people I know - are at best not really talked about or at worst heavily frowned upon. Sexuality is one of these. Please forgive me if it doesn't look like I belong in this forum, but I would really like to confront myself with other people, even if I don't think I'm cut out for the LS; I still would love a discussion and some answers if that's okay. First off, I am an introverted person but I've become more and more happy about my social skills and I am definitely better at interacting with people; this is something that happened slowly in the past 3 years and along with it (before this I really had very little interest in sex) I discovered more about myself sexually: what I love, what I hate, what I am curious about. About the latter, the swinger lifestyle is something that intrigues me: what made you decide to dive into it and how do you maintain that love and trust with your spouse/partner? If, say, they told you that they could not do it anymore would you drop everything? Is it bad to be a "vanilla person"? I ask this because I did have a discussion with another girl who told me that apart from what you do alone with your partner doing more adventurous stuff with other people or couples was what made you feel alive (in her own words). She told me that in the end monogamy doesn't work and the majority of people after a while in their marriage just stop wanting to get intimate with their spouse. Of this last thing I've heard about and it saddens me, yes, but everything else she said was very upsetting and shattering for me; I am not the uber jealous or possessive person at all and I do have my kinks and fantasies, and while I could totally see myself doing casual sex or even the mfm while single, if I fall in love with another (single) person I couldn't bear to share the love or affection we have with another couple or a single. But she said to me that this mindset makes you less capable of maintaining a rewarding relationship and that my partner would eventually leave me when confronted with more interesting things that I was not willing to partake in. Is that true...? in your opinion, I mean. Onto another topic, another thing I am confused about is the difference between a Sex Club and a Swinger Club? taking myself as example: I would like casual sex (taking things really slowly though, there are times I may not be comfortable with it) or getting to know a person that would eventually lead to a one night stand, and I've been told that a Swinger Club is preferable to a Sex Club for that. And erm... I am not sure that's quite right for me? could you enlighten me on the subject a little? Like, what happens inside these places, how do you find one and get in? The only source of info I had was the same girl as before who told me she went as a single female at a Swing club (the so called mythological unicorn I guess? ehehe xD) and the couple she ended up with used her as a sex object basically; they talked about her, not TO her, in third person and only to comment about the things she was doing and leaving her out of the affection. She was okay with it but I found it disheartening; or maybe I'm the one who looks at it the wrong way? Is there a right way to behave with a single female/male who joined a couple for a night? All in all, I'm quite sure I'm not a swinger at this point, I am for intercourse with other unattached people, that's why I don't think a Swinger Club would be right for me, but what are the other options? Thank you for reading this through and finding time to answer!!! I'll just finish by saying that while I may not be part of the LS I totally respect the people who are. I have to say, at first, upon discovering this existed I thought of you as some mythical creatures that were kind of awesome and intimidating at the same time. But yeah, you're awesome. And probably you'll find it weird of me to say so, but in the end I'm an average girl who's discovering new things and loves to ask questions, while also wishing society was less prejudiced. I mean, I can't even say "Hey you know, tonight I really feel like getting some" without being looked at like I have two heads. Frustrating!
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It's funny that this has never come up before. I think for too long single females were so rare that it almost seemed like they could do whatever they wanted and they'd be ok. However, I think as we are seeing more and more of them showing up at parties and clubs, that's not the case. The social we went to last night had about 45 couples and at least 3 single females. One of them was there by herself for the first time and ran into a little trouble by making some wives feel uncomfortable, I ended up having a chat with her that went something like this... As a single female you need to approach the wife first and make sure she is comfortable with you. Despite the way it seems not every couple is seeking a single female. Be careful not to drink too much. You don't have anyone watching your back when you are out alone like couples do. Yes, we are at a swinger party but that doesn't mean that you have free reign with everyone there. Everyone has limits, so find out what they are. Talking to her got me thinking about how we've never had a thread here sharing your rules for single women. So, couples who play with single ladies (or want to), what are your rules for them?
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There is a lot of talk about what couples expect out of singles. I'd like to hear what singles expect (or need) out of couples? Male or Female, singles what things do couples do that make you feel less than comfortable? How do you want to be treated vs how you generally are treated? -
Hello, everyone! Long time no post! It's been quite the long time. For awhile we lost all hope in finding that unicorn, but recently we decided to get back into looking for her. So here we are! (female posting, as always). I do have a question, I just want to know if this is common with unicorns. So, we posted an ad on Craigslist (I know, I know: not recommended but we were really careful in what we posted). Got at least five hits in two weeks which is more than what we got on SLS. Sidenote: Our old account got deactivated due to not using it in forever, so we created a new one. So here's hoping we get more hits there. Anyway, I digress. The second girl that replied to our ad was hot. Like, really, really hot. We thought it was too good to be true (turns out it was, but let me finish). Hubby and her trade emails through Craigslist, where you have your real email masked. Then she tells him she wants to email with me, too which is fine. So we do that. Then we trade pics. She wants to know about my experiences, which wasn't much. We talk about all the sex stuff which is fine. Then we wanted to know more about her, like interests, etc. I personally feel more comfortable when I know more about the female than just sex. Couldn't get anything like that out of her, it was like pulling teeth. Then after awhile it turns out she only wanted to be with me, and not the male at all. She claimed to be bi when responding to the ad, but turns out she was a lesbian. We are only interested in playing together, so having the hubby watch isn't going to happen. Then we got another response recently. Did the same thing as above except we got a lot more info that seemed to be legit. She kept wanting to see me completely nude, with face in the picture. Then she sends me a picture of her exposed, ahem...you know. I then ask for a picture like that with her face in it, and she wouldn't do it. Haven't heard from her in over a week. So, basically my question is: Is this normal? Our ad on CL is probably buried under hundreds of other postings so we most likely will not be re-posting there and sticking to SLS, since it seems like you get more verified, real people there. If you got all that, you get a cookie. -
hi. after 18 years of 2 marriages, and involved in lifestyle periodically thoughout that time, i am now single and wondering how to proceed with my social life. i have many friends, straight girl friends that are friends of my children's friends, that kind of thing. lately, i've been entertaining the idea of singles groups and even mentioned to my girlfriends that i'm on the market again, jokingly, but they actually came up with people for me to date. the thing is, i don't want a serious relationship, but maybe just a guy that i can enjoy his company and even go to a swinger club and have some fun this way, whether full swap or not. i know there's lots of single guys that are into swinging, but to be honest, this makes me nervous, just meeting random swinger guys. does anyone have any suggestions? on my last post, i got some great suggestions to call a club ahead of time and the host couple can introduce me around. so maybe i'll meet someone, or make some friends this way. i can't force it to happen. thanks forreading.
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Some recent talk about unicorns (aka single ladies in the lifestyle) has me curious about this. Of the 6 different people/couples we have played with as a couple, 3 of them were single women (2 couples, 1 single male and 3 "unicorns"). It wasn’t until I started reading this board that I realized that single women who like to play are considered really rare. So my question is, just how rare are they really (and my apologies to single women who read this for referring to you in such an objectifying manner)? Maybe my perspective is skewed, because until recently we did not seek out play partners through any organized way, but rather we met them in our vanilla life and invited them home with us. As such I found that it is easier to approach single women than it is to approach couples. As such, and because they are generally much more accepted at parties and clubs, I had honestly thought that single women were more involved in the lifestyle than are single men. So whats your take, are "unicorns" mythical objects spoken of but never seen, or have you found that the hype of the single woman rarity is out of proportion to reality?
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This question is coming from my wife. She was always one of those types that don't really go up to people or "put herself out there". So she was wondering how does one approach an attractive woman to strike up a conversation. It's not like you are just trying to make a friend, you trying to make something much more. She's just looking for advice from other females/couples that have done this, and how you go about doing it. -
I have single female friend that I've known for the last year and a half. We're pretty comfortable with each other and our kids play together on a regular basis. Over the last year I've had a couple of times when my 'playdar' has given a little bleep with her. Usually by something that she's said or a feeling that there is just something there that I couldn't quite put my finger on. You know what I'm talking about? Today we went out for coffee and were just talking, usual stuff, and she started talking about wanting to go to an event for a "meet & greet". I haven't been around too much to social events in the vanilla world but I've never heard this term used in any other format than swinging. So I asked her if she'd ever been to a meet and greet before. It might have been the way I said it but her body language and expression was kind of like omg did I say that? She didn't know about K and I and it was a reasonable response. She's very open minded and our relationship is good so I came out to her that K and I swing and had been to a M&G before. Come to find out that my friend, back in the days before she was married (and subsequently divorced) had led a very 'open' lifestyle. Interesting isn't it? *BEEP* *BEEP* When I told her that K and I swing and the parameters of our interactions with others she told me she had suspected something of the kind. So I invited her to come out with us some time to the club to enjoy an evening of dancing, a little wine, and (if she met someone she was interested in) a little play. She said she'd like to, just not right now. It's a busy time for everyone and I know that she's got some complications with her ex right now so I left it at an open invite. But that's also why I invited her, a little adult down time is sometimes just what you need. Her and I both really enjoy and respect our friendship (and that of our boys) and while we briefly discussed the possibility of a play date of the three of us we both decided that it is just that....a possibility. Why screw up a good thing? On the other hand, if our friendship takes a turn in that direction down the road it will (or will not) happen of its own accord.
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So far, my experience has been limited to on-premise club or house party, meeting single men and getting down to business. This has worked well, but I am ready to spread my wings. I think after my divorce, I just wanted to make sure that I could get laid, OK, check that off, I can do that. Now, I would really like to make contact with a couple. I think I am attracted to the fact that the man would not be so eager and jumpy (he is with his wife, he knows he is going to get some). Plus, I have always been curious about the touch and feel of a woman (I am a bi-newbie). So I get all gussied up, go to the club, and never get approached by couples. I have approached couples when they had the first timer name tag. I sat and talked but they were just there to check out the scene. I did have a lovely conversation with a couple who had been swinging for 30 some odd years, they were great and we 20 questioned each other alot, I learned alot about swinging and about myself that night. But, how do I get past the talking? Are couples less likely to play with a single they just met at a club vs someone they have emailed before? I am not real comfortable with the emailing, I am not looking for a relationship and getting to know you, just some good old anonymous naked time. I don't think I am visually an ogre, I am a size 16, a little lumpy but all my lumps are in the right place. I don't dress real sexy, I like to look a little classy with that wild thang undertone. I am working on my small talk, eye contact people skills, so I am trying to be more outgoing. How do I let couples at the club know that I am interested. Do I need to do my networking online? Do couples prefer that mode of contact? -
It I'm trying to figure out if I should pursue swinging as a single female, without telling my boyfriend. This is probably something I can only really decide on my own, but I'm also interested in how this situation will be perceived by others. So here are the dirty details... I've been with my boyfriend for about four years, and I am very much in love with him. I've talked to him before about swinging or something like it and at this point in time it is really not for him. He told me a while back that if I decided to do something with another man that he would rather not know about it. He wants me to be happy, but it's obviously something that he's really not comfortable with, and I wouldn't want him to be something he is not. I know that in general communication is a huge part of this lifestyle. Which is why I can see people having a real problem with my situation. I have met two men for sex recently. I don't feel guilty at all about it, I see it as something I am doing for me, not to him. *sigh* So I don't know exactly what I'm asking, I just don't know where to go from here. -
I was talking to a friend of ours who is in the lifestyle about singles and we came up with a thought. Since both of us are married and play with couples we were wondering why singles are called swingers. The dictionary definition of "swinger" is married couples who swap partners for sexual pleasure. It says nothing about singles - male or female. We have no vendetta against single males, but sometimes it really makes you wonder. Most (not all) single males think that they are gonna rock your woman's world and are great in bed. Well, if they are so great why can't they get a woman of their own to swap?
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I get asked quite a bit why it is so hard to find single females to play with. I get asked this by both couples and single males. The general answer is that there really aren't many single females in the lifestyle. And the few that are are only interested in playing with couples/ threesomes/ female/ female fun. This explains why it's hard for single males to find females to partner with them for clubs/ socials. Does any one have any tips on finding the elusive single females?
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First, I will tell you that as a new single female swinger, I have been inundated with responses ...even without a picture on the profile...which I did not expect. Couples don’t seem to care what I look like…as long as I am breathing…and I find that suspect. I wouldn’t buy a car sight unseen just because it is a Mercedes, it could be a rusted out wreck! That is just not good business acumen. So I find the correlation very disturbing…albeit in my favor. Question 1: Why do you do that? Why would couples want to meet someone they haven’t seen a picture of? Also, many of the couples who have contacted me seem to be rather possessive in nature. They are interested in me becoming..."their"...single-bi female. Is the desire for exclusivity that common or am I just dealing with wading through the backwater? Question 2: How can I do that? I mean...I am interested in a MMF...how does a single female accomplish that? My concern is ending up in a circumstance wherein I loose control of the situation in a very unsavory manner. I would like to have fun and not be used…this is the area in my opinion where couples do have the advantage. The woman knows her mate will look out for her. I do not have that luxury. It is a bit of a quandary … but I am sure the advice here will be eye opening and interesting at the least.
