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Reading Chicup's post "Reading between the profile lines..." about V-safe being code of bareback play got me thinking. If a couple/single admits to playing bareback as an option do you avoid them due to STI concerns even if you only play safe? If they allude to it, as described in Chicup's post, do avoid them for the same concerns? Do you bail on a couple that states they play safe in their profile, but when you meet, all of a sudden it is optional? What if it becomes optional after getting to know you better? We have seen a few couple profiles that say they only play bareback, usually due to latex concerns, but I don't usually buy that, since there are condemns that are latex free. We have seen 2-3 more that just state that is how they prefer to play. And we have meet a good many that state they only play safe in their profile, but bring up that bareback is an option once we meet. The vast majority we have met do not use any protection during oral. So where do YOU draw the line?
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Hey all. Hubby here. Recently my wife had her annual check up upon which she was directed to have a follow up concerning cells. During the follow up with the specialist, where she received a colposcopy, she was given a weird vibe when the specialist mentioned she should not "have" whatever is present if she was in a monogamous relationship - read: your husband is likely cheating on you. My wife is quite unwilling to discuss our private lifestyle with any doctor, against my recommendation. As she is also in the field, she feels it will diminish her respect level. Anyways, we felt based on the evidence we had so far, that she had or has HPV which are causing abnormal cells. She had a biopsy which came back inconclusive. She has since gone for another follow up which included a LEEP procedure. We are presently awaiting any results that may follow. While the early results are somewhat reassuring (no cancer, yet), this has obviously struck us hard. We are not active in the lifestyle but certainly enjoy things from time to time. If the cause of the abnormal cells is HPV, we have a very good idea where she (we) got it. We didn't use condoms with the last female partner we were with (our mistake). However, based on all the materials we have read, it is unlikely that condom use would prevent the spread of HPV in this particular scenario (MFF) as oral play and digital play was definitely in the mix and we simply won't take steps to constantly sanitize! This has my wife (and myself to a lesser degree) questioning our choices and our willingness to continue in this type of lifestyle. While our feelings to the act itself haven't changed, neither of us feels it's worth risking hers or our health. Although I can't say I would be happy with giving it up. Just wondering if anyone out there has had any similar experiences or has any thoughts on the subject.
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Covid has been a rough time to say the least. But lately monkeypox has been spreading like wildfire. How have you gone about swinging during these times? Have you just jumped in regardless of the risks? Taken a break from swinging/sex with others? I ask, mostly because my wife and I have been wanting to arrange a mfm threesome, And or to attend a local gloryhole, but aren't sure if it's worth risking due to Monkeypox etc. What are you guys personally doing?
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Picture this scene: My wife and went to a house party on the weekend where upstairs there were private rooms for 1 on 1 action and in the basement there was a group room. In the group room a woman in her late 40's or early 50's is literally taking on all the guys that her husband can get for her. Here's the catch, the only way you can do her is BAREBACK and she wants as many guys to cum in her pussy as possible. Much to my surprise, she had no shortage of guys willing to do this. Keep in mind that this was not a closed group of swingers, but a party open to any and all who wanted to attend. Now I will admit that my wife and I have talked about doing something like this as she really gets off on having guys cum inside her, but we haven't because of the health risks (basically, you could never find enough d/d free guys who could prove it to ever attempt something like this). What we'd like to know your opinions on are the following: 1. Why would any couple take a risk like this in this sort of environment? 2. Why would any guy go for this sort of thing? 3. Are we just over-reacting to this? Thanks in advance.
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I'm not going to say that there is a lesson to be learned but here's my story. I acquired an STI; my wife did not. Several weeks ago we heard separately from two different couples with whom we had recently been intimate that they had gonorrhea infections. We thanked them. Although neither of us were experiencing symptoms, my wife made a trip to a clinic; her test result came back a few days later as negative. I made a trip to the clinic about a week later. The doctor recommended a "urine DIP test" and ordered a gonorrhea/syphilis lab analysis. My analysis was positive for gonorrhea. The Doc had given me a Rocephin injection and a prescription for doxycycline hyclate even before I left the clinic. When I read the perscription, I mentioned to him that my wife took this drug every day under orders from her periodontist. I asked if this could be a reason that her test was negative. Very possible, he says.
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Just wondering how many have quit swinging due to STD concerns? -
The wife and I are interested in swinging but we have a big concern about STD's. Being more open sounds great but not at the cost of personal health. Any good advice on this topic?
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We think they gave us herpes...how do we tell them?
GMOFLEISURE replied to a topic in Let's Talk About Sex
Obviously another awkward at best subject that I'm not seeing discussed much. You play as a couple or individual with another couple or individual. A few days later either: 1. The other sends a message they have a STD manifesting itself. 2. You find symptoms emerging. What is the best course of action to get through this socially 'difficult' situation? I've been through this before many years ago & took several actions. But, I am curious what others think are the best actions to take in these awkward moments. Among other things there is the question of who has been carrying & who received. STD tests are at the bottom line only good until you make sexual contact again, then you are back to zero. Condoms, washing up, & other measures are less effective than we hope. Clearly there is a minefield of drama, liability, embarrassment, expense & knowing you are not going be getting laid for a while. Anyone care to comment on how this can be best dealt with? Or perhaps share their experience? -
I am a registered member but am posting unregistered due to the nature of my problem. We have been playing with a couple for a year, we talked daily and met up quite regularly. They are much more active in the lifestyle, while we have only been with a few couples. Recently we don't talk or meet up anymore, but when questioned the response is everything is fine. Well a week ago my husband noticed a rash just under his belly button, we went to the doctor and he said it looks like herpes. We are waiting on blood results now. We haven't been with anyone but this couple in 5 months. From what I've read, the symptoms come about just under a month after being exposed to the virus. My question is how do we tell this couple that we think they gave him herpes? Part of me thinks they knew already and this is the reason for the "friendship" dwindling. I am terrified and feeling so betrayed because I'm expecting a very negative response along with denial and spreading of this news to everyone. Any help or advice would be so appreciated.
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*A note about post- I'm sure something similar has been posted in the past, but I have yet to see it (or remember it) so feel free to answer or just point me to a thread with the information. However, I am looking for your opinions/thoughts on how you might handle this, so comments are appreciated Also, in the nature of anonymity, I won't provide all the details upfront, but can clarify as needed, if asked. So.... We recently found a couple we like on SLS. We have not contacted them yet because we are technically not playing due to my pregnancy, but we are toying with the idea of attending some events to meet people we may be interested in playing with post pregnancy (another thread altogether that will be posted shortly). Anyway, I took a look at their certifications, and they were certified by a couple that DH has seen out socially at a vanilla bar he used to go to pretty frequently. DH knows the owners of said bar and most of the "regulars", so he hears (and I'm sure is the subject of) a fair amount a gossip that gets passed around. Apparently, it is a well known fact that the certifying couple are swingers, and they don't try to hide or deny it. But there is also a rumor going around that they have herpes. I'd like to stress that this is JUST A RUMOR and to my knowledge has never been confirmed or denied by the couple themselves. So, my first thought was "uh oh"... if this couple has played with the couple we might want to play with (or even further- if they are in our "swinging circle") we could be putting ourselves at unexpected risk. However, after mulling it over and discussing it with DH, I decided that was a stupid thought. For one, I'm not saying whether the rumor is true or not, but I think the chances that it was made up by some idiot that thinks all swingers are infected with STI's is pretty high. Secondly, we will never/can never know what kinds of precautions they take/took when playing. Also, we will never know for sure the STI status of everyone we play with, or who they played with. With that being said... the thought of it all still makes me a little uneasy. I'm curious if any of you have been in a situation like this before. How did you handle it? If not, how do you think you would handle it? I believe all swingers put themselves at risk every time they play, no matter what precautions they attempt to take. But does your sense of that risk change if you suspect a couple could be infected with an STI? What if you -knew- (had it confirmed) that a couple played with another that has a STI? Would you still just take precautions and move forward, or would you pull back and search somewhere else?
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Is there anything in the lifestyle that worries or scares you?
Guest posted a topic in Polls & Never-Ending Threads
Is there anything in the lifestyle that worries or scares you? -
We are new to swinging and have had only one experience. We've noted a lot of discussion about STDs and safe sex. Candidly, we assume that everyone has something unless we really get to know them. This seems to be a particularly appropriate assumption with herpes where many couples apparently feel that disclosure is unnecessary so long as there is no outbreak. That being said, we are wondering...would you knowingly play with a couple where one or both of the members has told you up front that they have herpes (though no outbreaks at the time of the play)? -
There have been a lot of threads about STDs lately so I think there is a need for a more basic poll. Have you ever caught a STD from someone in the lifestyle? -
Met a single guy for a date recently. I really liked him. We started to play a little and when I touched his cock I felt a small scab on the shaft and a bump just at the base --not on the penis but like in the area around the base. I know I should've asked him about it then but I didn't. I diverted the session back into a heavy make out with no other play. I ask my husband's advice about it upon returning home and he offered up several explanations of what it could be- a mole (he had one removed from that area after all), razor burn irritation, an ingrown hair. The scabbed area on his cock he said could be from jerking off too much/too hard- he admitted to getting those sometimes in his single days when all he had was his hand. I am not trying to make excuses for him but just really trying to look at both sides. It could be HPV or herpes (I dont think so though-- the bump was rather large for herpes I think--and not clustered). I'm more concerned about HPV but I wouldn't say the area was flat either- it felt like a raised bump- like how an ingrown hair or mole might feel. It doesn't make sense to me that he'd expose his cock to me with a raging infection of some sort but obviously, I'm not about to take that chance. He also offered zero explanation for it at the time which makes me wonder. I also did not ask him about it though. Since we were in a parked car, I did not see it at all. I only felt it long enough for my hand to glide down the shaft of his cock. I'm scared to offend him. I know I need to bring it up to him (I will not play with him without answers) and I know he deserves the chance to explain it to me. After all, it may be completely harmless but I know it's my right to ask these questions and get answers. Such a sensitive topic. I know that being direct and honest is the best way to deal with this but thought I'd ask others advice before bringing it up to him. So guys, how would you like to be approached in this situation? Ladies, have you found yourself in a similar situation? What a did you do? I thought about sending him an email - I realize that's somewhat of a cop out but that way it gives me time to write out what I want and then gives him time to process it and decide how to respond. Advice? Comments? Suggestions? All are appreciated. -
Have you gotten an STD through swinging?
havefuninsun posted a topic in Polls & Never-Ending Threads
I've set this up as an anonymous poll ... we've touched on this subject a lot, but what I'd really like to know is, have you contacted an STD (NOT a yeast infection, or something that can happen if you're swinging or not) from swinging activities? Some people think that the risks are low; others feel they are high. I just want to know how many folks have had to deal with an STD because of choices. I bet other folks would like to know, too -
Hi, guys. Long-time lurker, first-time poster. My wife and I have shared a long-time fantasy involving her blowing a room full of guys. Until recently, this was nothing more than a fantasy we would share in the "heat of the moment." But recently, we decided to turn this fantasy into a reality. We recruited a bunch of single guys from a popular swinger's web site, picked a date, and planned to book a hotel room. However...the closer we got to this date, the colder our feet became. So we contacted all the guys to let them know the "event" has been put on hold. The issue for us is the threat of contracting some nasty STD. We've done extensive reading on the subject, and every legitimate site advises you to never have oral sex without a condom, dental dam, etc.. But let's face it -- they HAVE to give you that advice. Of course there is a risk of contracting an STD through oral sex, and to advise someone to have unprotected oral sex would be considered reckless. But realistically, no one wants to use a condom or dental dam for oral sex. (It would ruin our fantasy, frankly.) No couple we have ever been with has used protection for oral sex. And no one really knows the risk factors involved in having unprotected oral sex (because most people don't limit their exposure to only oral sex.) In reality, some STD's can (and are) transmitted through kissing, hot tubs and even skin-to-skin contact. And statistics show that more than half the people in the US over age 21 have some form of STD. Some STD's don't show up in testing, and others don't reveal themselves through symptoms for weeks, months or even years (if ever.) So most people with STD's don't even know they have them! We've also read that when performing unprotected oral sex, it is safest to either swallow the cum immediately (letting the stomach acid kill the bacteria) or spit it out immediately. Either way, you are risking exposure to STD's through the exchange of bodily fluids and the thin membranes in the mouth and throat. So, whether you spit, swallow or stop before it gets to the point, you are equally at risk. The thing is, as swingers, she has sucked several dicks without protection. Were they safer because they were married dicks? Are married guys safer than single guys? If a married guy's wife sucked a dozen dicks the week before you met them, wouldn't having sex with her be just as risky as sucking a dozen dicks yourself? I guess my question is: is there any more risk in blowing a room full of single guys than having sex with a married couple who may have had unprotected sex with dozens of others prior to meeting you? Is there a "safe way" to fulfill this fantasy of ours? Or are some fantasies better left as fantasies? You all give great opinions here, and we value your advice. Thanks in advance.
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First-time poster here. I've been on the board for a while, but I setup a new account just for this post. I'm posting this message with a two-fold purpose: One, to bring reality to the issues and ramifications associated to the lifestyle and Two, to get some other perspectives and advice. My wife and I started swinging a little over a year ago. We've had full swap experiences with about 7 or 8 couples since then. We always used condoms for penetration. About 4 months ago, my wife had an abnormal pap which led to inconclusive biopsies, then a LEEP procedure. Supposedly, she's OK for now, but we won't know for sure until her 6 month follow-up. About a month ago, I was diagnosed with genital warts. I just had about 20 of them burned off (not fun at all!). The doctors are fairly convinced all of this is HPV related. They are assuming the abnormalities from her pap were more wart-like, and not cancerous as the strands of HPV are not the same for the two. There is no HPV test for men, and all the tests on her were negative. Which isn't really an indicator as the doctors say it is very difficult to truly diagnose. So, we obviously haven't had sex with anyone (or each other for that matter) in the last few months. We've clearly agreed that the benefits of the lifestyle are absolutely not worth the costs and associated risks. (As we've learned the hard way). We very much like the 'sexy' openness of the clubs and have talked about continuing to go, but just not playing with others. Or maybe once things straighten up maybe some mild soft-swap only play. We definitely don't want to spread anything, but we also don't want to catch anything else. I'm really looking to get some feedback from others about: Is it wrong/uncool to go to swing clubs knowing we are not going to ever play with others? We don't want to openly publicize we have/had HPV & warts. If we do go to clubs, we'd meet new people - but don't want offend anyone if we won't play. We're thinking we'd eventually be ostracized for either being 'too-picky or too-good-for snobs' or for being contaminated! Would anyone soft-swap with others who had HPV in the past/or quite possibly still do but with no symptoms? We're both pretty alone and confused right now and would like to get some other perspectives. Please feel free to openly reply to this post, or if you'd prefer PM's would be great too. (Rest assured, anything PM'd will absolutely remain private!). HPV is rampant throughout society, and as to be expected in the lifestyle. I'd offer that it is not a matter of IF you get it, it's simply a matter of WHEN... You also cannot judge a book by it's cover!!! We were very picky and selective as to who we played. Thanks in advance. -
I have just completed the largest study on swinging and STDs and Safe Sex. If anyone is interested I could ask Julie to post the results herein...what I found may surprise you. Let me know if you have any questions or want further information. Cheers! DrZiggy -
After a whirlwind first year of swinging, with one couple rather regularly (couple #1-including some separate play), and another couple (couple #2) twice, my wife was diagnosed with herpes and says she will not do it anymore - she is totally done. Everything was great until the diagnosis. When we found out we were both devastated and I felt guilty. I thought we were done at that point, but even after the diagnosis we went to a party recently with couple #2 and after the party they came to our house and we told them about the diagnosis and we still swung. On top of the herpes issue she is also afraid the other people at the party know about us and doesn't like sneaking around and now she is sure she is done with it and attributes it to drinking too much each time. But during the last year she told me several times when she hadn't had too much to drink that she was just as into it as I was (which was a lot). I think we both enjoyed our foray into the lifestyle immensely and if she had not gotten herpes and we were smarter and more discreet we would continue with it. It looks like our swinging is dead but I think neither of us really wants it to be - what should I/we do. Thanks in advance for all the advice I can get. -
Which situation do you believe presents the greater statistical risk of contracting herpes? 1) Having intercourse (with a condom) with someone who is infected but does not have symptoms and does not know they are infected. 2) Having intercourse (with a condom) with someone who is infected, knows they have it, is not suffering from a symptomatic outbreak, and is on a medication (suppressive therapy).
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How would you react in the moment it happens? Will you continue to play? Would you go bareback for the rest of that session? What would you do in the days/weeks/months afterwards? Would you act different if you knew that people involved were T or V-safe/generally religious with birth-control?
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So, a couple floored me and admitted they're positive for genital warts. My initial reaction was, "why the f*ck are you swinging!!?" I, of course, started looking into what it means and how it's transmitted. Genital warts are very contagious. You can get them during oral, vaginal, or anal sex with an infected partner. You can also get them by skin-to-skin contact during vaginal, anal, or (rarely) oral sex with someone who is infected. About two-thirds of people who have sexual contact with a partner with genital warts will develop warts, usually within 3 months of contact. If you are infected but have no symptoms, you can still spread HPV to your sexual partner and/or develop complications from the virus. So, would you advise your immediate play group to avoid them, since they're obviously not taking themselves out of the game? They're still having oral and kissing (I witnessed this), and who knows what else. It's incredibly selfish of them to still be showing up at swing events, in my opinion. What do we do? Thanks, Mrs. D -
We are in our late 50s and married for many years. Hubby suggested swinging 5 years ago, I said, “OK, let’s give it a try.” It has been a fun, hot, sexy, educational, and life changing experience. We really lived the lifestyle. We did lifestyle activities most weekends for those 5 years. Early this year, our swinging lifestyle came to a crashing halt when I found the painful herpes sores on my labia. Hubby has been great as I knew he would. His words to me were…….That is it. We are done swinging. Don’t worry about it. We will be fine. He made a special point to thank me for giving him the chance to live out his fantasies. Did we do everything we could to avoid an STD? No, we did not. We made choices that gave us what we wanted from swinging. We knew there were risks, but like most people, we hoped the odds would be in our favor. Life goes on. I have had no more outbreaks. Fingers are crossed that my immune system keeps the virus dormant. I must be honest and say that we really miss swinging. We still think like swingers. Swingers do see the world differently, and we still like the view. Now we go out to dinner every Saturday night, because that was our main swinging night. It is much too depressing to stay home on a Saturday night for us. I have been reading this board for all of the 5 years we were swinging but under a different name. I thought I would not want to read here anymore, but I find I can’t stay away. Once a swinger, always a swinger is true. I can’t think any other way even now. I hope all of you successfully avoid STDs in the lifestyle.
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Ok, we've been reading these STD related discussions, and trying to decide what we should do. We know we might be HSV and HPV carriers just like 80-90% of the population. We are not symptomatic and haven't been active outside of our relationship for 10 years, but we are still going to be tested for all other possibilities before we go any further. What bothers me, is that given the number of people that visit this site, there aren't more that admit to being carriers of the more common infections. We couldn't find any couple in our area that doesn't say D/D free. As far as we're concerned, it's the symptoms that are the real turn-off. If we found another couple that is not symptomatic, but is honest that they may have contracted something we already have, we would not have a problem swinging with them. I mean, what's the harm? Hell, we feel that our mutual honesty would help to alleviate our own misgivings, and might help everyone relax. What we're getting at is, we realize there's a negative stigma about having an STD, but if we're all carriers and not symptomatic then why not be honest. Oh sure you can lie just so you can get that tasty virgin couple into bed, but at what cost? I thought we were all beyond the player tactics. I would like to hear from the rest of you about this. Do you feel that if a couple/person is non-symptomatic, but admits that they may have an STD you already have, that you would still be turned off? How many here have been tested recently? We plan on being tested within 3 months of any sexual contact. We don't suspect we'll find anything more, but we'd rather know than spread something. Come on people, most of us should know that the majority of the population has HPV and HSV, so why is it such a threat? In many cases, you don't even have to be sexually active to contract either. Thanks Julie for the site. I don't know if that's you in your avatar, but it reminds me (TriumphGuy) of an old girlfriend.
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So my wife and I are both very excited about getting into the lifestyle, and our only real hang-up is genital herpes. We don't have it and really don't want it. We've read all the literature, understand the risks, and are well-versed in safer sex practices. I see a lot of posts on here about education and fears of contracting an STD through swinging...but have any of you or anyone you know actually contracted an STD through swinging? Not through random hook-ups but through organized activities with other responsible people? What were the circumstances under which this happened? Were safer-sex practices employed? I guess I'm trying to run the numbers, and since about 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men have herpes, it seems like there's a pretty good chance you're going to encounter another couple who has it. Since it's estimated by the CDC that 90% of people with herpes don't even know they have it, you can't count on someone saying "I'm clean!" to really mean anything. They could either be lying, or simply not know. Since condoms only provide about a 50% risk-reduction, with drugs increasing that reduction to 75% and most transmissions are from asymptomatic people, why doesn't everybody have it? I've been reading through this board, and I don't see any posts from people saying, "Oh crap, I got an STD from swinging last weekend!" It just seems like there would be more. Are there ones I'm just missing? Thanks for any help you can offer. Alex
