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Showing results for tags 'vanilla friends'.
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So long stories short. My husband (31 and straight) and I have been together since I was 19 (pansexual), I'm now 26. At the start of the relationship I had a LOT of sexual kinks and likes that I basically refused due to my up bringing (porn was bad, a partner watching porn was a divorceable offence, kinks don't exist, no sex talk, all sex related things were learned from biology books surprisingly not a religious household). Now I have a lot of out of the unusual sex likes. A few topics my husband hase always talked about are open relationship, a third partner, and threesomes. And I told my husband that if he wanted a FFM threesome I get a MMF, and he agreed saying it was expected. Well I've been trying to get him to set up a threesome himself with a second woman as I'm like "let's have the first FFM one with someone you choose and find attractive" but he wants me to set it up because my "preferences" and being comfortable with the female are more important then his sexual gratification (I understand). This is important. But this doesn't worry me as I have a large and more relaxed experience with women. I told him to set up the first MMF so he to would feel okay with the other male and not my sexual gratification. Reason being, I would prefer, as for the male partner, and my first time threesome, to be a friend or preferably a close male friend to myself and my husband to make me feel comfortable. I have past trauma (I won't hide this) so for me when it comes to thinking of a MMF it is with a close friend of ours that I can trust in these extra exotic things I would like to take place during said threesomes, that I know this person would not trigger a negative response. PROBLEM. My husband is the complete opposite, he understands where I come from but says he is not willing to possibly end a friendship (all our friendships are over 4 years old or in committed relationships) and it would make him feel uncomfortable as he'd feel that other person may not understand post-threesome dynamics (aka have sex then probably not continue it with said person) and that he, having previous experience in multiple threesomes, has had this happen a few times, and still to the day has issues with a few of these people even after ending friendships. But that being said, I understand where he is coming from, he's willing to choose the partner just not a person with a personal relationship with us. So the reason I'm posting. We have a friend, call him Mike. Mike was in a relationship, but he, his ex, my husband and myself would often be quite open (as we are all quite like minded) with each other. Due to it being a long and close friendship, an quite a few drunk nights, mike and his ex knows what we like and we know what they like. So mike knows we are up for a threesomes etc. But it was all shared as a group of friends. Well like I said, mike and ex broke up a while ago. Mike still pretty open on his sex life, so are we, we are all pretty involved in each other's lives (like to the point where we are his emergency contacts and if hubby couldn't make it Mike would of been in the delivery room with me while birthing my children) we even share how our mental health and physical health is going and financials. Probs a weird friendship honestly. Issue started with me, up until 2 months ago, everything was platonic, no undertones, no nothing's, alone together for gaming/4x4/cooking etc, sibling style relationship. Until my brain had a sex dream of mike myself and my husband. I told my husband and he isn't worried And only response was "it's okay, I've had sex dreams of your friends, I just hope I didn't kiss him." Well the sex dreams got more and more and my husband started ripping me up about them, first in private then he started in front of Mike. Mike does not know about the dreams, so it's all inside jokes but, husband started making the jokes slightly more show-off and sexualized (which I was embarrassed about but don't mind as this is one of my kinks). But I noticed this made Mike actually look at me and make comments. We like to compliment each other, my husband and I are very "if your friends look good let them know" as most of our friends have body image issues, and sometimes just telling them they look nice does a lot for them. Mike is also the same. So since the start of the friendship, complimenting has been a large and normal bit of it. But the last 2 weeks Mike's compliments have become more like my husband's since hubby started the more sexualized jokes, and yes there are sexual undertones. But Mike for some reason already told my husband that he wouldn't sleep with another man's partner just randomly said it, middle of a convo, our of context, and we were like "cool story bro". I've been talking to my husband about the dreams as they have been annoying me (as I don't really want to see mike in this light) and then 2 nights ago, I had a very in-depth dream about mike, naturally told my husband and he was like "well do you want to do stuff with him" and I'm like "no" and he said "then there's no issue, these dreams happen." Well. Until today. Mike, my husband and I were sitting on the couch joking around and Mike brings up having a threesome. I looked at my husband annoyed cause I thought he told Mike about the dreams and my husband looked at me, and then my husband jokingly said "*my name* would be down for that" and I slapped him on the shoulder and said shut up and we all laughed and the convo moved on to Mike's birthday. Well I know a threesome would never happen with Mike due to my husband' strict "no sleeping with friends" rule but since Mike said what he did last night I kinda actually wish he'd drop the rule just once, I feel bad for this. But I love my partner and last thing I'd want is to make him feel uncomfortable so I've just dropped it due to respecting his wishes. BUT I'm wondering should I wait till Mike mentions a threesome again and pull him aside and just openly tell him "if you want it you'd have to ask hubby about it because I'm down" and if hubby says no to mike directly then I'd leave it alone forever. Or should I just ignore it all and shut down anything from mike from now? I feel I should leave it because my respect for my husband outweighs the want for sexual gratification for myself.
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Hi everyone, We do our best to keep your fun life and our vanilla life separate. However a few friends found out recently and my wife received this email from the female half of the other couple. We don't even know where to go from here...let's see what you think. Sorry for the length, she rambles and tries to sound smart with big words. Here is one part... There are many things that I have seen that I do not necessarily agree with and I am not one to judge as I have done my fair share of crazy things. First, but I think above all else, I keep morality a priority. As you know, everyone has their threshold of what they could or couldn't tolerate in a relationship, so I am no one to butt into your life -- I just don't think I could agree with the kinds of things that I have heard (or activities) that you are now a part of. Truth is, I really did look up to you. Not only as a person, but as a friend. What I should say is that I feel some what ashamed. I don't approve of your lifestyle lately (again I am not your parent for you to be concerned at all on anything that I say, as I am just expressing the way I feel) and by that I mean, the constant drinking, the photos published on ****** of you bending over in front of other men/women, etc. I feel as if I were to not check your ****** in several months, I wouldn't miss a thing -- I would see the same pictures just different backgrounds. Again, please don't take this offensively, just try to understand what I am saying. then she goes on... I am not sure if the way I perceive things have changed since my priorities in life have shifted since I first met you. I just feel like somewhere along the lines, you lost sense of who you really are. You have always had a more open mind than me -- and I guess that's where we differ, however, I think there is a fine line between morality and dignity. Whatever you and *husband* do in private is none of my business and by all means completely out of my league, and I trust that hopefully, *husband* will always have your best interest at heart. I have always been very old fashioned in my way of thinking and please forgive me if you find any of what I am saying to be insulting, but marriage to me is sacred. I think marriage is between two people and two people only. As I could agree with you, I think everyone should have fun and try things at least once, however, I am scared to think that you could possibly be taking this swinging thing to a whole new level. Again, I am limited as to my conclusions because I am not involved in your life, so please correct me if you deem it necessary. ......................... My wife wrote back saying I thought best friends were friends no matter what. I mean now I feel like we are being judged. As in this community we know can happen from time to time. But why would someone write something like this? To end a friendship? To get you to stop? I'm confused and actually angered. I need my swinging community to back me up here. Is this a little out of line? To complicate matters, I am the godfather of their child. And no, they never married. LoL. imagine that. To someone who marriage is sacred? Advice on where to go from here with this? -
Hi all. This is my first post. My husband and I are new to swinging. With his job we are unable to really pursue swinging locally so our options are kind of limited. We do have a second home in another state so we typically try to look there or wait for our trips to Desire. With this, our playing doesn't get to happen like we would like. We have some friends who asked us about Desire and we took them there. Since they are friends we haven't really approached them about the possibility of playing. They have never played with anyone but I do know they are looking to spice up their marriage. They are close friends, but becoming closer. Anyone ever approached this? TIA
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- friends with benefits
- making the first move
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