Young and younger...

How young is too young?

There's this cutie pie 19 yr old that we'd like to have an mfm with... but I feel... old! The hubby & I are both only 27, but my mind is freaking out with all kinds of what-ifs about scarring this guy for life! lol. Am I overreacting again? (As I'm so prone to doing?)

I know it's only 8 years... but am I not *too* young to feel like a cougar? LOL! I know I had a lot of crazy fun when I was 19, and the hubby & I got married that year. So, realistically I imgagine I'm just overreacting. But I was still wondering if anyone else has had experience with a younger single... and if so, did it turn out well?

We are both in our late forties and played with a guy twenty years younger than us. He was one of the few at that age that was respectful and understood what we were looking for. It really depends on the person that you are considering and your own comfort zone. At our age an eight year difference would not be a problem, but then he would be in his forties or late thirties.

Just curious what kind of "what ifs" are going through your mind? And how you found him in the first place? Was it through an an on line add? Maybe if you could elaborate a little more would chime in and give you some better advice.

Well, as a younger man back in the day I had a few experiences with ladies 10 years older than me. I'm very glad I did, they taught me a lot about sex.

I would imagine he would be more likely to drop to his knees in thanking the Lord rather than being "scared" but there are a few safeguards that you should probably be pretty strict about.

First off he may not understand the difference between a couple inviting someone into their bed for "their" entertainment and fantasy fulfillment vs him thinking that you are wanting to leave your husband for him. He may think that you really like him and the power of the moment may make him think there there is a relationship and bond there that doesn't actually exist.

You will need to be very clear about your rules and boundries and be very clear on what his role is to be in this. Do not bullshit him or try to pull anything over on him. If all he is to you is a "stunt cock" or dildo that talks you need to be upfront about that (although you may want to find some different verbage:lol:)

And along with that realize that a 19 year male will say and do anything for a piece of poontang. He will verbally agree to all of your terms and do and say whatever it takes to score but that does not mean that he truly understands or consents to what is taking place. You will need to use your intuition and follow your gut instincts to a large degree.

Bottom line is that you two will need to be the responsible parties in this and it will be your responsibility to pull the plug on it if things don't seem right.

Just curious what kind of "what ifs" are going through your mind? And how you found him in the first place? Was it through an an on line add? Maybe if you could elaborate a little more would chime in and give you some better advice.

Yes, it was an online ad. He made the decision to contact us first, and it was fairly decent contact and a non x-rated pic (big plusses in our book!). We're currently trying to determine whether or not we should go through with meeting in person. He's too young to get into most bar type places, so we'll probably aim for a meet at a restaurant or something. I can't elaborate on the main cause of the what-ifs in a public forum. But I can say that our conversations lead me to wonder exactly how much experience he has... we've talked about every topic under the sun and yet haven't had an in-depth discussion about the actual sex we'd be having. Well, I take that back. He's said that he really wants to go through with it, even though he's not normally into MFM because it's a totally new concept for him, and that he is open to anything that doesn't involve his ass (but is willing if that's something I really wanted). That brief bit made me go *YIKES!!!* Because part of me is wary of deflowering a 19 yr old virgin with a mfm 3some and sending him back home to his parents the same day

Hence my decision to seek help from other swingers lol. We've been searching 2 years for the right person to do a MFM with. We definitely don't want to rush it now that we've been so patient... especially with a teen!

Nitati,

I think that you two need to talk to him some more. It sounds like he is expecting that there will be some Bi male play involved. If that is what you are interested, ok. But if it isn't, you need to make sure that he understands that.

S

 

Hence my decision to seek help from other swingers lol. We've been searching 2 years for the right person to do a MFM with. We definitely don't want to rush it now that we've been so patient... especially with a teen!

Ok now the yellow flags are going up. You have been looking for an extra guy for two years and the best you can come up with is a 19 year old?

Now somethings sounding kinda fishy. Why has it taken this long? What constitutes the "right person" and why is it that this 19 year old appears to be this right person?

Just where are you looking for these people, craigslist? Why not find a lifestyle club and look for a legitimate single male ADULT there?

My concern here is that you are picking out this 19 year old inexperienced guy because he IS 19 and inexperienced. Could it be that you are getting a higher degree of comfort with him because you feel that do to his youth and inexperiece that you will have more control and be better able to call the shots?

While I do see some of that logic I also think that it could backfire on you real fast as well.

There are so many legitmate single males in the lifestyle that are experienced and able to function well with a couple why are you even considering this kid?

Explore your feelings and determine what it is you fear about adult men and address those fears rather than robbing the cradle and trying to entice someone that is barely legal and probably won't be able to get it up or will only last 30 seconds if he does?

I bumped up your "Who to choose, How to choose?" thread from six months ago in the Sitautions forum and urge you to reread through all the posts that others have made in that thread. I think this issue is just a continuation of the concerns and hang-ups you expressed in that thread.

In that thread you appeared preoccupied with things and people being "perfect" as well as fear of things going bad. This just reenforces my concern that you are singling out this young and inexperienced person based largely on his youth and inexperience.

Often when people target an individual due to their inexperiece and nievete it is because they lack confidence in themselves to be able to control the situation to their liking. They are afraid others will dictate terms to them and that they will not have the power or wherewithall to determine their own destiny and so they seek those that they feel they can dominate on their own terms.

What you are doing isn't illegal and maybe not even immoral so I'm not saying that it is necessarily bad, just that it has a high likelyhood of backfiring or of being a disappointment when you plan doesn't come through like you had hoped.

Ok now the yellow flags are going up. You have been looking for an extra guy for two years and the best you can come up with is a 19 year old?

 

Now somethings sounding kinda fishy. Why has it taken this long? What constitutes the "right person" and why is it that this 19 year old appears to be this right person?

 

Just where are you looking for these people, craigslist? Why not find a lifestyle club and look for a legitimate single male ADULT there?

 

My concern here is that you are picking out this 19 year old inexperienced guy because he IS 19 and inexperienced. Could it be that you are getting a higher degree of comfort with him because you feel that do to his youth and inexperiece that you will have more control and be better able to call the shots?

 

While I do see some of that logic I also think that it could backfire on you real fast as well.

 

There are so many legitmate single males in the lifestyle that are experienced and able to function well with a couple why are you even considering this kid?

 

 

Explore your feelings and determine what it is you fear about adult men and address those fears rather than robbing the cradle and trying to entice someone that is barely legal and probably won't be able to get it up or will only last 30 seconds if he does?

Um, whoa... let's backtrack. It's not polite to make assumptions.

It's taken so long for various reasons. We do go to a LS club in our area. Up until about a few months ago they didn't allow single men at all (now only as part of a mfm trio). We've not been since they made this change. We are members of SLS. I'm very picky and refuse to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to... but just to set the record straight, the main reason though is that my hubby is military. He's been away for a while, but is finally coming back home tonight

I started swinging when I was 18...with people mostly 30's and up. Still mostly play with people at least 10+ years older than me.

Age isn't the issue so much as maturity. If they are mature enough mentally/emotiinally for it, then go for it

Um, whoa... let's backtrack. It's not polite to make assumptions.

It's taken so long for various reasons. We do go to a LS club in our area. Up until about a few months ago they didn't allow single men at all (now only as part of a mfm trio). We've not been since they made this change. We are members of SLS. I'm very picky and refuse to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to... but just to set the record straight, the main reason though is that my hubby is military. He's been away for a while, but is finally coming back home tonight

Nitati,

Ok, as your hubby is just now getting home, I'm sure that the two of you will be busy for a while.

You probably need to spend some time with Hubby and when the two of you are on the same page, then you two can talk about this and decide on your own.

S

Um, whoa... let's backtrack. It's not polite to make assumptions.

It's taken so long for various reasons. We do go to a LS club in our area. Up until about a few months ago they didn't allow single men at all (now only as part of a mfm trio). We've not been since they made this change. We are members of SLS. I'm very picky and refuse to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to... but just to set the record straight, the main reason though is that my hubby is military. He's been away for a while, but is finally coming back home tonight

I do have a question if you don't mind.

Does this being a younger man, give you a better comfort of (control of the situation) ?

I know for us we found mature, older single men, to actually make the experience quite better. There is nothing wrong with the exploration of a youthful stud muffin. Most have issues though when it comes to couples.

Seasoned gentlemen might surprise you and allot less issues...

Its good you are making choices. We found examining our choices, rewarding

. . . I'm very picky and refuse to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to... but just to set the record straight, the main reason though is that my hubby is military. He's been away for a while, but is finally coming back home tonight

You might not be reading this any time soon as I am sure you are preparing a big welcome home for your husband. Have a happy re-union.

~Michael

I go by the rule of "7". The rule of seven so a male is to concentrate of couple and potentially females that are no younger then half my age plus 7. This puts my group choices at nothing less than 37. I feel this is arbitary but a good starting point. Seems that is a good start for a process of elimimation. Good Luck

age is a #.. the person or couple matters.....

I agree that age, as such, need not be all that important. And I do believe that there is something to be said for 'youth'. However, as someone that has been involved in many MFM's, my experience is that it is very easy to find an anxious and willing 3rd person, and as the MFM is aimed at pleasing me (not to say my husband doesn't love them-he does), a guy that is INexperienced would not be high on my list.

Finding a guy you know and trust, so you can relax is (IMHO) key to enjoying the experience. Good luck!

Speaking as a man who is married to a woman who is 9 years older than him, I may be biased in this discussion, but I don't think an 8 year age difference is an issue at all. I realize that when you're 27, 8 years is a lot, but as was pointed out before, there comes a time when a 20 year age difference doesn't even matter.

Personally, I'd put the age difference aside and focus more on the other issues raised in this thread. Then again, that's just me.

I go by the rule of "7". The rule of seven so a male is to concentrate of couple and potentially females that are no younger then half my age plus 7. This puts my group choices at nothing less than 37. I feel this is arbitary but a good starting point. Seems that is a good start for a process of elimimation. Good Luck

What a clever idea.

What a clever idea.

I too have a rule. I invert the numbers of the age and subtract this from the original, take this result and multiply by four. If the last digit of this result ends in either a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 or zero, I give myself the green light.

My only concern is that I would be afraid a 19-year-old would not be discrete! I could see him bragging to his friends and that would not be good.

Athenagirl

Athenagirl,

I understand your concern, but that is actually more likely with the gals than the guys. I know, you ladies think that us guys go down to the bar and have a couple and share our latest sexual prowes to prove our manlynes to our buds. But the truth is, the guys that brag about their exploits are bull shitters, and the rest of us guys know it. The rest of us might share a sly grin and nod, but we would never talk about our exploits. You think that because you have heard so many of your gal pals talk about what happened last weekend, or about someone who is the topic of the day. Honestly, guys don't do that.

S

Ah 19.

The problem with 19 is that a 19 year old will have a much greater chance of going all puppy dog in love with you because their sexual experiences are inversely proportional to their hormone levels. I would also imagine that the reason this 19 year old is on a swinger site in the first place is he really really needs/wants to get laid and the usual methods are not working. This is whats known in the lifestyle as a red flag.

We were very reluctant to play with a couple near those ages when we started at about your ages, and wouldn't even dream of it now that we are mid 30's.

I only have to look back at ourselves at those ages and the near hormonal clusterfucks we had a few times to know that even though we are happy swingers now, we were completely unready for it then. Now maybe this guy is better than we are and more 'mature' in his sexuality, but I wouldn't count on it.

What age do swingers retire? Do they have clubs dedicated to seniors 55+ ?

What age do swingers retire? Do they have clubs dedicated to seniors 55+ ?

I don't know that there is a retirement age. While I haven't seen any clubs dedicated to people over a certain age, I have seen clubs hold parties for 40 and under, and 41 and over. I know of several couples in their 60s who swing, and one of Lin's favorite single playmates just turned 58 (Lin is 56, by the way, but refuses to look or act her age )

I'll turn 48 in March, and I have to say that as I've gotten older, I see a lot of women in their 50s and 60s who are very damned hot. To look at them you'd think they were in their 40s. Everything is relative - I know that. When you're 19 or 20, you think 30 is ancient. When you hit 40 or 45, that 30 year old looks like a kid, and 19 or 20 is just a baby...

Just wanted to post a quick update: it's looking more & more to us like 19 may just be a bit too young. My earlier, unstated reasons for being uncomfortable about it are proving to be valid... and the bottom line is that the 19 yr old will get more out of the experience than the hubby & I will. Maybe I'm selfish, but if we're having a mfm, then *I* want to be the one getting the most out of it lol. While we're still undecided, it's looking like this too will become another "no". If so, it's frustrating as hell, but for now the search continues!

I think respect is always needed, even if you are with a partner who is much younger

In the past year I ended up with a few guys older then me.

One Gentleman is well over 60, and he shows me a lot of respect. He told me that even some 40 year olds turned him down because he was to old for them. While I am a 20-something and enjoy his company.

Sure, there are things he has done in his life, that I have not even gotten close too, but he does not present his knowledge/expiriance as something to make me feel inferior.

On the other hand I meet a guy who was only 10 years older, and he pretty much had no respect for me

Calling me a "teenager" all the time. He also told me that "real adults" have sex every second day, when I said that I did not play with anyone for a few weeks.

He also tried to tell me that we don't need condoms because he is older and I should trust him that he knows who he is sleeping with and that there is no danger! (How can you know who you are sleeping with if you claim have four diffrent women in bed every week??)

So yeah, I go for the bigger age diffrence, but also the more respect full threatment of me as a younger play partner

Just wanted to post a quick update: it's looking more & more to us like 19 may just be a bit too young. My earlier, unstated reasons for being uncomfortable about it are proving to be valid... and the bottom line is that the 19 yr old will get more out of the experience than the hubby & I will. Maybe I'm selfish, but if we're having a mfm, then *I* want to be the one getting the most out of it lol. While we're still undecided, it's looking like this too will become another "no". If so, it's frustrating as hell, but for now the search continues!

Nitati,

Something you might consider, if it is a possible option for you. When my wife and I decided to have our first MFM, she set it up. There was a lover of hers who she enjoyed in bed, but for other reasons there was no other relationship beyond FWB. I knew him a little before the event. It was a great afternoon because she was already comfortable with him and he had wanted to set up a MFM with her years before. So, maybe you can think about a past partner who you might consider as the third because you already know him and trust him?

S

I'll put in my two cents, even though they're (as usual) late to the party.

I wouldn't do it. I like mature partners, not partners who are just as likely to develop "puppy love" as to viciously "out" me to my friends and neighbors. And, sadly enough, the current environment is full of emotionally immature people, who are just as likely to telegraph an "alternate relationship" (through inappropriate touching or clingy behaviour), as to brag about the fact that they slept with the local "unfuckable". And in a small town, loose information tends to snowball.